Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend any E2 Soccer Moms. By noding, you place yourself above other soccer moms, and by extension, out of the aim of my insulting comments.
A vehicle whose name is actually an acronym reflecting its speed, size, and handling as well as the temperament of its stereotypical driver.
Slow
Ultra-
Big
Ungainly
Rolling
Bitch
Activated
Nuisance
Slow
These badboys have a decent top speed. Sadly, many of them never reach their full potential speedwise unless they are taken out on to the highways where they have room to accelerate. This is due to the fact that they are
Ultra-Big
These massive machines top out at 3/4 of a ton, 219.3 in. long, 79.6 in. tall, and 66 in. wide. Can you say "overkill"?
Ungainly
When you take into account just how immense these beasts are, it's no surprise that they can barely make right hand turns on residential streets. dbrown is correct in stating that they should require a CDL to drive... too bad they don't.
Rolling
Obviously they roll on their wheels. But these giants (like all other SUV's) have a nasty tendancy to roll over when driven like an automobile with lower ground clearance.
Bitch Activated
When you see one of these land-crawling leviathans, 9 times out of 10 the driver will be a pissed off, highly opinionated, soccer mom.
Nuisance
Naturally, soccer moms (lacking in common sense/ knowledge of basic physics) drive these miniature semis as though they were compact cars. It is not a good thing to weave in and out of traffic at 70+mph when your vehicle's center of gravity is up higher than a 2nd grader's head.
If you drive a Suburban, please do so responsibly. These vehicles were not designed to be highly manuverable or very fast. You may survive any wreck you get into in one of these, but the person on the other end most likely will not.