Earlier this evening
we had our first fight. This feels as important a
milestone as the
first date,
first kiss, or the first I Love You. It sets a
precedent.
I'm not sure how I feel about the precedent we've set.
It started out innocently enough. His best friend 'Heather' is a sweet girl. I like her very much, and she has always appeared to feel the same way about me. Tonight she threw a party. All of their friends would be there. Yay. But... His pyscho 16 year old ex girlfriend, 'Mary', would be there.
Yes, 'Mary'... the 'Mary.'
The one that attacked Matt at Heather's house the first time she saw us together.
They had broken up more than three months before. The Mary that everyone agreed would never be invited to another gathering at Heather's house again because of it. But she was invited. And to appease the beast, I was asked not to come.
I feel like Mary needs a reality check. Their relationship is over, and has been for a very long time. Matt and I have managed to flourish despite the damper she put on things at the beginning. Everyone coddles her because they fear her borderline personality disorder temper, and she's used to getting whatever she wants from this crowd. But I didn't want to sit at home because she's nuts. I pointed all of this out to Matt, and he agreed. He called Heather.
Heather said that it was now a space issue. There were going to be 10 or 15 people there, and she didn't want it to get too big. She said that no one else was bringing guests.
Heather's family is very well off, and their home is huge.
Matt had talked to Jack. We both knew that Jack was bringing his lovely girlfriend Sarah. And Heather knew Sarah would be there.
Matt pointed out to me that Heather is gender dysphoric, has severe social anxieties, hates crowds, is afraid of relationships and afraid of losing her friends to their SOs, and probably just didn't want a houseful of people. And the less happy couples around, the happier she is. That's when I blew up.
I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED AND SCREAMED
I stopped. I looked at the clock. I sucked in my breath.
Shit.
"I'm acting like Mary. I don't know how the hell that just happened, but I pulled a Mary. And I'm sorry, honey. The party is not the issue. And I'm furious with Heather for coddling Mary's neuroses and giving you such a crock of shit excuse for not wanting me there. And it hurts that I'm nothing more than A Girlfriend to Heather. She's always treated me like a friend up until now, and this hurts and confuses me. But you didn't do it. And there is nothing you can do without being rude to Heather. And I want you to have a good time tonight. You told Heather you'd be there, and I don't want you to let her down. I don't want to be like Mary, sweetheart. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like the things I said to you..."
He said that next time, he would not accept an invitation if I was being blatantly barred just because of Mary. He said that if Heather were to pull this again, he'd fight it, and if she insisted, he wouln't go either.
We hung up, and I was stunned by the way I'd blown up at him. I still can't believe that I acted that way. It scares me.
He's there now. I sincerely hope that he's having fun, but I'm afraid that I ruined his night before he even got to the party. I...I...
I'm sorry, Matt.