Today started out with me waking up to my
pager going off every 10 seconds because our network monitor at work got disconnected. Since it uses email to page us, all that mail got
queued up. I finally turned the pager off, but I was up and I figured I might as well go on into work.
Work wasn't much better. As our group organized for lunch, Sara called CR and agreed to tag along. I was happy to get to see her, but it's getting depressing to see more and more that she probably wasn't really interested in a relationship from the beginning. She wasn't really all that dressed up, but she was still beautiful. She was playing with CR a lot while at lunch. I think she is probably attracted to him; although he already has a girlfriend who is one of Sara's friends. He doesn't really seem interested in her though. What a mess.
I was kind of depressed for most of the rest of the workday. TC talked with me a bit and cheered me up some. She reminded me that I need to stop thinking about Sara and move on. I need to meet more people. I need to take some vacation days to find some social groups at the university or somewhere.
I drove around a while after work, trying to think of something to do with my friday night. I went by the college library and wandered around there for almost an hour. I went home and was bored so I decided I might as well go to the gym.
I flashed my BIOS and tried some stuff that previously made the machine do a spontaneous reboot and it didn't crash. We'll see. The cable went out so my brother played a tape, Final Destination. I hadn't seen it, so I watched it tonight.
It's getting late (early?). I don't have anything planned for tomorrow, but sunday is my birthday and I get to come in to work anyway. Kind of ridiculous in one way, but I really have nothing else to do. That's my life now; it's back at another low point. Basically, I'm working on my birthday because I couldn't come up with an excuse for something I'd be doing or someone I'd be with. Dammit I feel so lonely it's sickening.
What I've Learned:
My only advice is to not fall in love unless you're sure the object of your affection is at least attracted to you and has you on her list. Sara wasn't and isn't really interested in me as anything more than a friend; she is just a very affectionate person to everybody. I misinterpreted this and really burned myself out thinking that I finally found someone special who felt the same way about me. I dived in thinking it was all clear, and got myself all broken up when the pool was actually empty.