Depression sucks, even when you are in love
I
should be happy. I live in a great
city, I've got good plans for my
future, and I finally found someone whom I can say I truly
love. But... I just feel off, I guess. I don't have a
car, I'm in
financial hell right now, and I just don't think I have any friends. Well, at least, not in Baltimore. I interact with
people, sure, but I honestly don't think any of them would miss me at all if I were to
drop off the face of the earth (well, with one or two exceptions). That whole group of people... I think some of them are absolutely great, but the rest are so damn
exclusive... what do I have to do, fill out an
application to be welcome into their crowd? And for the record, aren't 30 year olds too old for all this "he-said she-said"
high school bullshit? I know, most people would say, if they're so
petty, why want to be friends with them? Well, like I said, some of them are great, but it seems to be a
package deal. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go hang out with them anyway, because their "gang-leader" hates me for reasons completely
unjustified-- I make her "uncomfortable". Probably just because I'm a
woman, I'd imagine...
In any event, I just don't feel like I have anyone around that I can talk to when I need to... but then, maybe I should
just shut up and call someone instead of sitting around waiting for my
phone to ring. Maybe I should listen to myself when I give all my
perky "It'll all be okay" sunshine speeches to other people when they're upset.
Suck it up. Keep in the tears.
Explode later.