I didn't intend for this to be a test of my friends.
I have been in
a dark, if not joyless mood: dark, quiet and slow. My
preoccupation with the work I am doing has made me uninterested in
people, and the
loneliness that has come has edified my nerves. It
has made me feel hard and strong.
There is something coming to fruition here; I feel on the verge of
what I need. It's coming from me, and from no other place. It is
coming from me, and I need to extract it from all that has
begun to lay down in my head, sorting away the worlds I used to know
that are leading me slowly to this climax and conclusion. I feel
like I'm making something, and the world is only a distraction.
I looked up from myself this
morning though. I find no one has
called in my absence. I find no one has really come looking. In my new
fascination with solitude, I am not sure I care, but I am thinking
about coming out soon. My nerves are resteeled. I'm almost reformed. I
might be beginning to fathom
who I am.
But I think I'll be looking to new people when I do come out. When I
do come back to the world. My time of carrying on
one-sided
conversations is closing.
I'm going to miss you, old
friend...
Thanks to this
time, I don't need them. I want them, but I don't
need. I can afford to look around, and find something
right for me.