or How to Start Touching a Girl When You're Out on a Date

A simple, basic, step-by-step guide.
Results not guaranteed.

Let's face it.

If you're a younger guy, say high-school or college age, and you're straight (or bisexual, either gender, for that matter,) you probably really enjoy touching girls. Even "messing around" as they call it. Cuddling, kissing, rubbing, more kissing, making out, breast massages, nipple sucking... you get the idea! But sometimes, and even the great ones go through this, sometimes you're just not sure how it all works. You finally get a girl to go out on a "date" or an "outing" with you, say by following the advice in Some observations on getting a girlfriend or another good dating advice node. (Like AlexZander's Guide to Dating (for guys)) But, you get her alone, having fun, but... you're not quite sure how to start touching her.

Well, don't worry about a thing. Right here, I'll cover it all with a simple, step-by-step plan to help you out. This exact plan has worked for me quite a few times, so I feel confident in presenting it to you. Bear in mind a few things, though....

  • This plan will NOT always work, since every girl IS different and likes different things. Adapt.
  • You do NOT have to stick to this plan like it's carved in stone. In different situations, different things will feel right and different things will feel wrong. It's important to be fluid and fun, and adapt to whatever situation you're in.
  • At the beginning of the "date" or "outing" or whatever you call it... it might just help to casually tell her that if you do anything throughout the course of the evening that makes her uncomfortable, then it would be good of her to let you know that you're making her uncomfortable. Lots of girls think this is a really sweet thing to say, and it's true anyways. You don't want to make her uncomfortable. You don't want to make her feel pressured or used. This is supposed to be fun for both of you! (You can say this at any point of the night, really... I prefer the very beginning, then I'll give her a friendly pat on the back or something and flash a friendly smile. Works very well!)
  • And for all the girls out there, I know that this guide is simply biased towards the male perspective. (Simply enough, because it's from my own experiences and learnings as a male.) But let's be honest, girls, don't hesitate to make the first move! The advice below can apply to either gender! Just swap around some pronouns, put "him" in the place of "her" and vice versa. In these enlightened times, this guide can work just as well for girls as it does for guys. We're all human, and we should all enjoy the thrill that comes from taking the initiative when it comes to Passionate Touching!

And, a few general things to keep in mind, before we begin, to help you out.

Now, let's begin!


Let's say you've been out with this girl for a fun evening, maybe gone bowling or something, talked a lot, and you're having a good time together. Wonderful! The stage is set. Go somewhere where you can be fairly alone together... maybe at a park, or down by the beach, or in any number of these little secluded spots that you take for granted in your daily life. Sit down next to each other, with little space in between you. RELAX. Relax, and relax some more. If you're tense and nervous about this, it's not likely to go right. So just relax, smile, take some deep breaths, and keep talking to her. Conversation, sadly, has never been my strong point in this either, but it's not too hard to hold good coversation if you just listen to what she says, and just let conversation flow. Whatever it takes, really, but this guide is not about conversation. No, it's about the fact that during the conversation, you're going to laugh at something funny, and your hand is going to end up resting ever so slightly against her shoulder. Leave it there for a while, until she's bound to have gotten used to it, and she clearly doesn't mind the fact that it's there.

  • She moves away when your hand touches her. Give up, right now. Unless you just touched a sunburn or something, she percieves your touch as a threat, and that's just no good for you. Refer to the final paragraph of this guide.
  • She responds well, or doesn't seem to mind or notice your touch. Excellent. Keep going.


Now you have a hand on her shoulder, and she doesn't mind. Wonderful! Gently, gently, gently start rubbing her shoulder, and then put your arm all the way around her and rub the other shoulder. Keep talking! Ask her if it feels good, even! Shift the conversation more towards touchy-feely things, like past happy experiences or about what a fun night tonight has been. Soon, though, just let the conversation taper off and let your hands do the talking, pleasingly rubbing her shoulders.

  • She moves away or has a cold, blank look on her face while you rub her shoulders, or just plain asks you to quit it. Look at the final paragraph of the guide. If this doesn't seem to be the case, then just wrap up the evening.
  • She smiles, seems to be enjoying it. Excellent. Keep going.


Now you're rubbing her shoulders and she seems to be liking it. Beautiful! Don't restrict yourself to the actual shoulders, you can also rub the neck, upper arms, back... keep your hands busy, let them wander a bit (but not to the breasts just yet.) Let one of these hands wander aaaaaaall the way down to her wrist, and then let your hand comfortably connect with her hand. Click! Hopefully, she even opened up her hand and turned her palm towards your hand, when you got down to her wrist. When you have this soft, lovely hand in yours, don't just let it hang limply! Gently rub her fingers, rub her palm... keep the massage going! Don't let your other free hand get bored, either... keep it rubbing her back & shoulders! Exciting enough yet?

  • She keeps a closed fist, or gets a sour look when you try to hold her hand. Not a good sign! Read the last paragraph, then wrap up the evening if you want to, or keep rubbing her shoulders if you like.
  • She smiles, even starts rubbing your hand back perhaps. Excellent! Keep this up for a while, until you feel the need to keep going.


Now you're holding her hand, rubbing her back, and she's liking it! Awesome! This is good fun, and very relaxing, so keep it up as long as you need to. It's good to get her very relaxed too, so you might want to ask her how she's feeling. Make sure she's feeling great! I like to get into the habit of asking her this every so often, as it seems to display that I care about how she's feeling, too. When you're ready, (and don't be afraid to do this,) gently brush the hair away from her cheek (or just brush her cheek if there's no hair hanging there), breathe ever-so-softly on her face, moisten your lips, and give her a soft little kiss on the cheek. Smile. =) Lots of girls think this is really, really sweet to start out with... an innocent and charming kiss on the cheek. Others think it's stupid and weak, though, so maybe you want to do it on the lips first. Whatever it takes, just remember what I said at the top... adapt!

  • She acts somehow disgusted. You might just want to give up, rub shoulders some more, and call it a night. It was only a simple kiss on the cheek, it's nothing for her to get rude about. However, be sure the last paragraph of this guide doesn't apply to your situation... then feel free to end the evening.
  • She smiles and looks at you. Keep smiling and go to the next step.
  • She opens her mouth, looks at you, and closes her eyes. Go to the next step very quickly!!


You've just kissed her, and she either liked it or she didn't! If she turned to face you, chances are that she did. At this point, one of life's strangest phenomenons will occur... the first kiss. It will almost feel like something magnetically pulls your lips together, and as anyone who has experienced it can tell you, it's a RUSH. It's magical, mystical and amazing. Kiss her, and kiss her very, very well. Don't hesitate too long to get your tongue into it, either... be gentle. Keep your mouth well open (to keep teeth out of the way), and gently rub around her mouth, lips, and tongue with your own tongue. This is LOTS of fun, and hopefully she'll get her tongue going too. It's hard to describe tongue-kissing, you just have to find your own style and what works and feels good for you. Anyone can be a good kisser, if he just puts a little feeling, effort, and practice into it. While you're kissing her, don't let your hands hang on her like limp noodles, and don't press them into her either! What you do with your hands can magnify the intensity of this kiss, and it's important that you keep your hands moving like they have been. Keep holding and rubbing her hand, keep rubbing her back and shoulders, maybe run your fingers through her hair, and keep kissing her! This takes lots of concentration... but don't forget to enjoy it! Keep this up for as long as you like... it's a feeling of pure bliss after a while, and you won't want it to end. (During the kiss, open your eyes at your own risk.) =)

  • She just gives a short kiss on the lips, then pulls away. It's ok, no big deal. Keep rubbing her, and perhaps try again later. She probably likes to move very slow, and this might be all you get to do the whole night. Nothing wrong with that!
  • She tongue-kisses with you for a while, then stops. This is good. Remember to make the parting of your lips as smooth as possible.. like, suck on her upper lip as she pulls away or something. Make it fun! Was it fun? Good! Keep rubbing her, keep enjoying this time, and try a bit more kissing later. It could develop into something more.
  • She tongue-kisses with you for a very long time, and seems to be loving it. Excellent! Move to the next step!


You're kissing, and it's very intense and very fun for both of you, I hope. You've been rubbing her for quite a while now, and now you're ready to try something bolder. I hope you like breasts! Take your free hand. Very slowly, and very gently, move it down her chest and softly place it against one of her breasts. If she does not want you to do this, she'll most likely let you know, by grabbing your hand and pulling it away. Often times, tongue-kissing is all you're going to get to do, and she won't want you to play with her breasts just yet. Remember, don't be disappointed. Yet sometimes, she'll take your hand when it's near her chest, and she'll place it against her breast! Be gentle and playful with her breasts. Rub them, gently squeeze them, and even find her nipples through her shirt (they might just be erect by this point!) Play with her nipples. You can even rub both breasts at the same time, with both hands. Don't forget to look at her face a lot, too, and smile. Make sure she's happy and comfortable! If you do this right, it'll probably make her feel very, very good! Don't forget to kiss her, and keep rubbing other parts of the body. From this point on, keep kissing her and keep rubbing her. Be playful and be fun! There's no definite steps from this point on out... so you can leave it at this, or you can progress onwards, whatever you like. Just make sure she's comfortable with every new thing you try... ease into everything very gently.

  • From this point on, make sure she's comfortable with each and every one of these new things you try. If she tries to stop you, let her, and keep doing something that she was comfortable with earlier. As far as I'm concerned, these are ALL extra bonuses, and nothing to get pissed off about if she doesn't let you do them with her at the moment. She likely does have her reasons if she doesn't let you... don't let it get you down, and don't take it personally. Just keep playing and having fun!


Now, you're rubbing her breasts and having a great time, right? But guess what... you're just rubbing a shirt. The breasts are underneath it! So, take your hand and move it down to the bottom of her shirt, and very gently put it underneath her shirt, and rub her stomach or something. If she removes you hand from underneath her shirt, that's OK. She doesn't want you to touch her bare chest right now, but maybe you can try again later. NO rush. Move your hand up and up, and then (if you're not already kissing) kiss her as you slide your hand in, right underneath her bra. Feels good, doesn't it? Play around with them a bit, and you may find that the passionate intensity of the kiss will increase greatly as you do this. (alternately, you can also move in from the top, which works well if she's wearing a dress or something and has no shirt on. It's also just a nice variation on moving in from the bottom, and it's plenty of fun.) Have fun, play around, try new things with her breasts, see what works! When you feel the time is right, you can move right along.


Now, she's got to be pretty comfortable with you at this point. You might want to take a short little break from the action, and just put your arm around her, kiss for a while, before you get ready for this big next step. But BE CAREFUL! Only do this if you're in a VERY out-of-the-way place, if you're quite alone, or if you're at a party or something, and you don't think anyone will mind. Proceed with caution here, and make sure she's comfortable! You're going to get back underneath her shirt, get your arms all the way around her, all the way back to her bra clasp (or maybe it's in the front.. in which case, go from the front) and unhook her bra. She will most likely take the signal, and she'll respond accordingly. If she does want to take her bra off, you'll just be able to tell by looking at her. Reach down to the bottom of her shirt, and pull it upwards. She'll most likely raise her hands above her head, and from there you can just pull off her shirt and bra, and toss them aside. Now she is topless, and her bare skin will seem to feel ten times better than whatever she was wearing felt. Keep doing what you've been doing, keep having fun! Play around, and try new things. At this point, it would also be kind of you to take off your own shirt, for the sake of equality (and so she can enjoy the feeling of YOUR bare skin!)


I really enjoy sucking nipples, and from what I understand, it's a GREAT feeling for a girl to have her nipples sucked on when she's totally comfortable like this. Don't just lunge for them and start sucking away like you're sucking the poison out of a snakebite wound or something... no, massage her breasts first, then put your head against her chest and let her feel your breath against her breasts. Slowly move your mouth downwards and gently lick her breast. Run your tongue around a while, gradually making your way to the nipple. Caress her nipple with your tongue, run your tongue around it a few times, and make it feel great. Often times, she'll literally quiver with delight! Put your lips to it, and gently suck and prod it with your tongue. This is great fun.


Getting totally naked together is also lots of fun, and additionally opens up both of your genitals for each other to play with. Or you can just keep doing what you've been doing, and it'll be a lot more fun now that neither of you is wearing a thing. One way to bring about nudity is to just pause the action for a bit, take off your shoes and socks, unzip your own pants, get ready to slide them off, and then look at her. Look at her face and see how she's reacting to all this. If she seems wide-eyed and nervous about the thought of you getting naked, then you might just want to hold off for a while, or move your hands towards her own pants and try to unzip them, or unbutton then, or do whatever it takes to start to get them off.. and if she doesn't let you do this, then hold off for a while. Let her know it's okay if she doesn't want to get naked. If she seems pleased or anxious, though, then stand up and motion for her to come take them off. If she goes over and pulls your pants down, then take them off and throw them aside, then go about taking off whatever she's still got on (if she'll let you, of course. Sometimes, she just won't want to get totally naked... don't be disappointed.) If she doesn't pull your pants down, then you probably shouldn't bother taking them off yourself. It's better to let your nudity be by her decision. Once you're both naked, then the fun really starts to pick up. Explore her body... touch, rub, massage, kiss, suck. Cunnilingus and fellatio are definite possibilities (she might even start sucking your penis at this point... if you want her to, then let her go right ahead!) Keep things going, and at this point, I have only one thing left to cover....


I, personally, feel that sex is just another thing to do... although it may be the most fun of all these activities! If you do decide to go for it and have all-out sex with this wonderful girl, after having come this far, PLEASE do it responsibly and be aware of the risks. You could end up getting her pregnant, or getting an STD, even AIDS. All of the above activites are relatively fun and risk-free, (with the exception of Cunnilingus and Fellatio, of course, both of which can transmit some STDs.) But sex is NOT risk-free. It can drastically change both of your lives, so please, please, PLEASE be careful, and only have sex with her if she really wants to and if you're both totally comfortable with the idea. Sex just isn't everything.

Girls That Don't Like to Be Touched Right Away

It should be made clear that there are girls out there who don't like to be touched, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, a girl will be a "tease" and will love to lead you on and on, but will cringe in horror when you act on the feelings she's been building you up to. Teases, in my most humble opinion, are simply not cool. Less often, some extremely religious or extremely "morally righteous" girls don't like to be touched because they see this kind of touching between guys and girls as being nothing more than the thing that leads up to sex, and to them, sex is baaaad because they're "saving themselves for marriage" and all that jazz. It's a personal choice, and far be it from me to pass judgment on whether this is good for them or not, but be advised that there are girls like that out there!

But every girl that doesn't like to be touched is NOT neccessarily a tease. Some girls have very valid and understandable reasons for not knowing how to respond to your touch at first. It may seem that she doesn't like you, and you may get the "get-your-creepy-hands-off-of-me" vibe at first, but please do be patient. Some girls are simply "late bloomers" who have just entered the dating scene, and aren't entirely sure how it's all supposed to happen. Or maybe they want everything to be magical and perfect for their very first time doing all of this! And on the other hand, there are some girls who, tragically, suffer psychologically damaging sexual abuse in their earlier years, and are very likely to not enjoy being touched at all. Or perhaps they've just been mistreated, caught in horrible relationships, and used by evil jerk guys. They don't like to be touched right away, for very good reasons. But they still deserve to be loved. Find out what the trouble is/was. Then, be gentle. Be caring. Be supportive. Be loving. Be a best friend. Passionate touching with someone attractive and fun may be a great thing... but in my humble opinion there is nothing greater than loving someone who really needs your love, helping to fill in a gaping hole in someone's life, and taking all that pain and suffering and turning it all around into joy and pleasure. Never let selfish desires for an "easy time" turn you away from someone who is hurting. Helping out the pain of the abused, though a challenge, brings a feeling of joy and accomplishment and ecstacy that you just won't find anywhere else.

And that, good reader, is all. I hope you enjoyed this and found it useful. Go out, and use this knowledge to please girls. Be a nice guy, not a jerk. And if you're having trouble finding a girlfriend, Some observations on getting a girlfriend is there for you, as well as many other useful nodes in the softlinks below. As always, /msg me if I goofed something up.

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