Be something... be anything other than this

renew your hatred every morning, rising with the sun to melt my defenses. scheme, scour, screw me over until i can stand you no more, until i am willing to see you dead, eyes bulging, face bloated... and i can laugh in relief.

ignore me. see me, hear me never & keep all thoughts, once excitedly spoken to me, silent & dead. fade away quickly, into a dusk i have no desire to experience. a feeling which is never felt wilts so easily, is never missed.

finalize your actions which hang like a perfect rain in a quiet forest, suddenly disturbing the sound of trees and perverting their futures with the subdued tones of empty promises of some miraculous, healing power.

`*. .*. <sup>.</sup>*`..*..'

pleasepleaseplease, be something,, be anything other than this. right now i can't deal in abstract terms and your eyes and your words and your entire being are so far removed from that which is real... it makes me shiver -- in pain, through tears, with the little strength i possess -- to form & fashion you towards acceptance in my world.

draw yourself in black&white ... these beautiful colors which paint your soul are so distracting.

(and i'll pretend that, in hidden affections, i simply don't adore this --
but just because it's you...)

I don't care who you end up to be. I'm not quite that selfish. But please, I hate to see you like this. You let the drugs take control before you even hit the second grade, and even now you are young. You'd glare at me for saying it because you may be sixteen on the outside but you have gone through more than most adults ever will and I know that. It just sometimes gets to me how innocent you look. You're healthy these days, you've been off the drugs for practically two years now, and don't get me wrong, I'm impressed, but even though you say you don't I know that's still how you define yourself. As a drug addict and nothing more. I see through it sometimes though, when you smile and talk about your passions. I've seen it, not as often as most people because i know you're most real with me, and I know that it's what you show the world. A sunny kid, with interests and not a care in the world. I know that's what everyone sees because I've heard how they talk about you. And you've always smiled sadly when I recount their commentaries to you because as we both know, there is so much more to you that that. But I think that out of the two of us im the only one who knows the flip side to it. You are not only the sunny and carefree kid that they all see and you are also not only a drug addicted monster.