or how to get beaten up by fellow students

  • Take some cling film / saren wrap. Lift the toilet seat in the communal toilets. Wrap cling film firmly over the bowl, try to remove all the creases. Place toilet seat back down. If possible, remove a few light bulbs so it's darker than normal. Wait.
  • Take a new box of cling film and a ruler. Unwrap around 6 feet of cling flim, and wrap the ruler in one end. Slide the ruler, and attached cling film, under the door of a room. Push in as far as it will go, then pull the free end of the cling film upwards. Pour water, lots of water, slowly down the cling film, to flood the carpet.
  • Drop mustard or cress seeds on a carpet, then wetten carpet.
  • The water left after cooking and draining rice makes a great, crusty semen like stain if poured onto a bed.
  • If you can get into another room, remove the hinges from the inside of the door.
  • Unscrew door handles and remove the door bolt from inside. Take care - if a fire starts this is dangerous, as people cannot get out
  • Food colouring in the shower heads.
  • If you have communal kitchens on each floor, swap the fridges around.
  • Chilli powder on toilet paper.
And if you get expelled, serves you right :)

During my one miserable year in residence, there was this stupid kid who lived on my floor who was always doing stupid things. One day, he made some sort of explosive. I'm not exactly sure how, but I was told that it involved a potato.

So, he set this thing off in the bathroom in one of the wings on our floor. It set the fire alarm off. While I'm sure the people in the shower at the time were not impressed, there is something more disturbing about this story. Apparently, if there is a fire somewhere else and the rez fire alarm goes off, the firemen must leave that fire and go to residence. (This is apparently because there's more people there, blah blah blah.) It's a really good thing that there wasn't a fire somewhere else right then.

Anyways, the stupid kid ended up having to pay for the firemen to come out to residence, because of the false alarm. I only have two words for him: Ha ha!!

As a young man I had the honor of spending two years of my high school education at a Lutheran boarding school in rural Missouri. Let me tell you, it was just as exciting as it sounds. We were often forced to provide our own amusements. I recall a young man that lived in the dorms with us. His name was Shelby and he... well, he had some problems. The dorms had communal bathrooms, these bathrooms did not have individual shower stalls. Much like a locker room the showers were one large room with multiple shower heads. Shelby, was apparently intimidated by this as he never showered. After a month or so of this activity, his roommate filed an official complaint and was subsequently moved to another room. Shelby's personal hygiene habits only got worse. Had this been his only problem, he may not have been so bad to deal with. Unfortunately, he was also an ignorant braggart and generally made a nuisance of himself. After years of reflection I have been unable to determine whether his actions were due to social ineptness or just plain contempt. He became angry one day and during the middle of the night he mopped the hallway with shampoo. At first it seemed like a poor method of revenge. It made the floors sticky. It made our shoes sticky, and funny smelling. We didn't think much of it until we had to spend several hours cleaning it up. The floor had to be mopped over and over again with clean water. A few chums and I had had enough. We broke into his room while he slept and tied and gagged him with duct tape. We clearly explained to him why we were doing this, and them we used several rolls of duct tape to suspend him to the back of the door in his room. We left him there. When he didn't show up for class the next day, the dorm supervisor opened his room and discovered him. Reports indicate that by the time of discovery he had fouled himself and his odor was even more noxious than usual. At first I felt a little bad about the whole ordeal. It must have been terrifying for Shelby. None of the individuals involved in the incident ever got in trouble though. We were never questioned. Shelby left very shortly after this and never spoke to anyone about it. He knew who we were, we told him why we were doing it. It's possible that Shelby realized his errors, and fearing further retribution declined to lay blame. I believe however, that this did not happen. He had never shown a proclivity to learning lessons. It is my belief that the school officials had their fill of his activities as well, and consequently expelled him quietly. Cleanliness after all, is next to godliness.
We had this habit of staying up late on sunday nights to watch the George Michael Sports Machine, and when it was over at 2am, we'd head to this place called the Cabaret for Lots of coffee and omlettes the size of a VW Beetle.

As you could guess, by the time we got back to the dorm we were in no mood for sleeping.

Normally we'd just wander into one of the rooms with late-night kiddies in it and chat and drink crappy beer and so on, but one night I realised the following:

  • All of the doors for the rooms opened inward
  • All of the doors for the dorm rooms faced each other
  • Ray had a nice stout 20' length of rope in his room
  • Being a theatre major at the time, I knew how to tie really good knots
So we try this out on a few doors but the thing is, the rope was synthetic and a littlestretchy and you couldn't get it tight enough to prevent the person you were tying in from opening their door a little and cutting the rope (now leaving us with only a 14' length of rope)

We then realized that Kelly, who was quite bitchy, lived across from a study room.


  • Tie the knobs together
  • Open the study room door so the rope was stretched
  • Wedge a fuckload of textbooks in the gap of the open door

By this time, it was around 6.30am and we waited for her to get up shortly to try to go take a shower and enjoy the ensuing chaotic hilarity.

What we didn't know was that the RAs had just had a meeting and the Hall Director was roaming the halls with her assistant and saw our little construction project. She immediately starts pounding on Kelly's door yelling at her for committing such an unsafe and stupid act.

We, being punch-drunk from lack of sleep can no longer hold our laughter and the jig is up!

Hall director and assistant come in to bitch us out, and not two seconds later Kelly bursts in and calls us "fucking assholes" along with a few other choice words in a seemingly 10 minute long tirade.

The directors see punishment meeted out, stifle their own laughter, take away the toaster oven in the room were hiding out in, and that was that.

I didn't say it was a good story.

Most of the college pranks I was witness to were at my first college, Cedarville College, in Ohio.

It was in the middle of a very small town, in the midst of a very big corn field.

I heard, from my first roommate, of somebody the year before who had been in the same suite as my roommate, who was the last of four brothers to have gone to the school.

As such, he had been regaled with their tales of attending the school, and thought he knew everything...

And made sure to let everybody know that he knew everything.

So one night, the suite have hogtied this fellow with duct tape, and four of them are carrying him to the bathroom (for the purpose of inducting him in the age old ritual of the swirly) while one carries the videocamera, when the RA comes by.

There is a moment of tableau while they all consider the situation. Then the RA says "let me hold the video camera".

My first year there, the folks next door to us were at war with somebody else in the dorm. This lead to the following:

  • The underwear being stolen from the inhabitants drawers, wetted, and then frozen in a large block of ice.
  • A pillow being cut in half, and it's down feather contents being scattered through the room. They were still picking pieces out of their room months later.
  • Power bar pranks: Power bars, properly mangled, bear a rather stunning resemblence to feces. Left in a bed or bathroom, this can lead to a rushed cleansing...

In the dorm where I live (Fowler Hall, for you Aggies out there in noderland), each bathroom is shared between two adjoining rooms. Since it would be simple to walk through the bathroom into your suitemate's room, the bathrooms are fitted with locks on the outside of the door. A simple joke is to wait until someone goes into the bathroom, then lock him in. Immature, simplistic, and surprisingly funny.

A more advanced trick: tie a rope to the inside of the opposite door in the bathroom, then secure the other end of the rope to an immobile object in your room (beds work well for this). Now wait until one of guys in the other room to hear "nature's call" and try to open the bathroom door.

Breaking and entering: Enlist your victim's suitemates in this one. The so-called closets in each room sit back-to-back, and they have one positively huge drawer in the bottom of each closet. Remove one of the drawers in your co-consprator's room, and slither into the empty space. Push out the victim's drawer, use a long ruler to frob the drawer retaining clips if you need to. Pust the victim's drawer out onto the floor, and push it aside. You should now be able to crawl through the gap into his room.

Highly immature: put kool-aid into the air vents, that room will smell like kool-aid forever.

Sleep deprivation torture: herd, chase, push, or otherwise coerce live crickets under the door and into the victim's room.

Devious, but quickly discovered: wait for your roomate to go to class. Crack rommate's windoze screensaver password. Replace his wallpaper with gay pr0n. When he returns it will be a kodak moment. (just ask Ender02 about this one :-)
One night after a bit of partying and a dip in the hot tub (the dorm I was in was converted from a hotel) my friends and I were in the laundry room drying the clothes we were swimming in, and noticed what appeared to be a closet in the back. Opening this door revealed an airconditioned room containing routers, ethernet hubs, and the telephone wires for about half the building. I amused myself for a few minutes unplugging people accessing the internet, but then, being drunk, my friends and I had more fun seeing who could fit themselves inside the industrial clothes dryers. Even at 6' I'm the only one who could get in and close the door all the way.

But anyways, later, when I was sober I realized there was great potential in that little room. I noticed that all the phone jacks in the building were numbered, and followed a pattern. It only took a few random samples from other rooms to allow me to map out the entire building.
The original plan was to switch all the phones around randomly, but we realized this would take a great deal of time and would be caught almost immediately. We settled on a more subtle approach, we would target a suite, and rotate the phones between the individual rooms, so that each room was now one number off. This way it would take much longer for the victims to catch on.
Our targets were the girls next door, whom we knew, so we would most definetly hear of the results of our prank. So at 3am one Thursday morning, in a very Mission Impossible like manner, one of my roommates and I sneeked down to the laundry room, equipped with needle nose plyers and latex gloves. Upon closer inspection of the phone connections however, it turned out that our neighbor's room was not hooked up in this particular room, but in another (locked) room on the other end of the building. We moved on to our secondary targets, the girls immediately below us, who were much more deserving anyway, always complaning about how loud we were and banging on the ceiling. I only switched this one room because sometimes college students will keep odd hours and it's not unusual for one to do laundry at 3 in the morning, so I was in a bit of a hurry.

I don't know how well this prank succeeded, because we never really talked to the girls downstairs, but I can only assume they eventually complaned about it because I went back a month later and found the little room locked.

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