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This little list is not complete by far, but it's a start:

There is no known navy blue food, with the possible exception of blueberries. If you find a navy blue food in your refrigerator, it would be best to throw it out. This is not a good area for experimentation.

It is not a good idea to give your nice new neighbor, Spike, a key to your apartment in case of an emergency. Doing this could, itself, be considered an emergency.

No matter what your roommate says, it is probably not smart to drink bourbon from a funnel, unless you are out of glasses.

Ramen Noodles are not one of the four basic food groups. Adding tomato sauce to Ramen Noodles does not make them spaghetti.

If you do not have a washing machine, it is probably a good idea to take your clothes to a Laundromat at least once a semester. Socks that can walk on their own should be left to their own devices.

If the cigarette butts overflow from your ashtrays onto the floor, you should probably sweep them under the couch with your shoes. It is not considered good form to have guests using old cigarette butts for chairs.

If you have a cat, you should teach it to use the restroom, or how to open the door. You and I both know that your annoying roommate isn't going to empty the litterbox.

If you use stay up all night freebasing and crash when it's time for class, it is not a good idea to snort powdered Vivarin to get you "up". Try coffee or Coca-Cola-fewer people will talk about you later.

And, finally, when your mom comes to visit, try to hide the porn and the booze. Parents tend to give more money to students when they think you actually go to class.

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