There is only one correct way to open a banana. It comes naturally to all intelligent beeings to open it in the end opposite of where the stalk is. The stalk should more properly be reffered to as the handle of the banana, since this is where you hold it, when doing it properly.

Sadly, however, the world is full of people who open it in the wrong end, thereby harming themselves, lessening their banana-eating experience, and raping the banana.

Here are some of the most important reasons why you should open the banana in the right end, if you need convincing. This list is not for those of us who know that this is the way to open a banana. It is for those poor individuals who have been taught otherwise as ignorant children, or are just too stupid to realize it.

So without further ado, here are the reasons:

  • The banana is symmetrical while you're eating it.

  • When you're almost done with it, you still have something to hold onto.

  • The peel looks more aesthetic after you're done.

  • The banana flower sat in the end you open. Continuity implies you should open the banana in the same direction the banana flower once opened.

  • A banana peel from a correctly opened banana can resemble a fountain, a squid or a palm tree. An incorrectly opened banana peel doesn't resemble anything at all!

  • Opening it in the wrong end makes you look incredibly stupid.

To summarize: Don't make a fool of yourself by opening the banana incorrectly, at least not while others are watching! You don't want to appear stupid, do you?

OmiGod, I am SO HAPPY that some brave soul has finally spoken out on this issue. Last June, a mere two blocks from Union Square in San Fransisco, my girlfriend and I were attacked by a wild boar. In her panic, Natalie forgot how to open the banana she was carrying, was unable to drop the peel in her wake, the boar tragically retained his footing, and...I'm sorry, I can't continue, the memory is too fresh.

Since then, I have honored her memory by collecting and documenting as many reasons as I could for opening a banana incorrectly. I do this to spare the next else are falsehoods brought to light? Better children should learn it here than in the schoolyard.

1.) Bananas are commonly opened by firmly squeezing the skin, in cartoon monkey circles. It will land in your mouth, and should be swallowed whole.

2.) A banana opened with a sledgehammer is fun for spectators, too.

3.) Cut the top off the banana, scoop out the insides with a spoon. Carve a face in the skin. Place a lit birthday candle inside, and replace the top. Bask in the warm glow of compliments to your originality and aesthetic cunning.

4.) In an emergency, a banana can be opened expediently by exposing it to a vaccuum. I strongly suspect.

5.) In Tadzikistan, bananas are beaten gently with a wooden mallet until the insides are rendered liquid. A pair of pinpricks is introduced into the skin, and by forcing air through one the liquified banana flesh is forced out through the other. The flaccid skin can now be filled with pressurized spray cheese, as a practical joke.

6.) Child-safe bananas must be opened by firmly twisting while squeezing the top, rather than using the familiar peeling motion. Many children simply resort to using a knife or other very sharp object.

7.) Many genetically engineered bananas come with an easy-open tab, the end of which is located halfway down the concave edge. Grasp and pull. The manufacturer assumes no liability.

Lastly, remember: if you must open a banana the old-fashioned way, keep it pointed away from your head! It's probably not loaded, but better safe than sorry.

How To Really Open a Banana

Up to this point everyone has mentioned you should open the banana the right way. But what is the right way?

I've been eating banana's once a day for over 15 years, which makes me an expert on them. The problem most people face is not actually opening the banana, but however squishing the top part of the banana when they force it open. This can be seen mostly in bananas that aren't ripe. You might say, "Who cares if I squish the top part of the banana?" For one, the top part of the banana will taste like shit (all mushy), and secondly this will strangely make the rest of the banana taste less pleasant.

I think the reason the rest of the banana isn't as good is because its a mental thing. For example, imagine having a shitty childlife. Since everyone tells you your childhood is the best time of your life, you later expect that the rest of your life can only get worse.

For these reasons please open your bananas correctly.
Here are the steps you take to open a banana the right way (without squishing it on top):

  • Place the banana in front of you so the banana is facing you with the curve pointed directly at your face.

  • Bite through the banana exactly where the stem ends(imagine where the fruit of the banana is and bite just before it).

  • I end it with pulling the skin off with my teeth, however it will also work by peeling it with your fingers.

You now have a perfectly opened banana without the nasty mushy stuff when opened incorrectly.

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