Tyler Evans, Grade 4, Miss Bell's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy
Vichizzle: Well it's dat time o' year again, muthafuckas. It's time to get scary, time to get thuh best treats fo yo best tricks, knowhaddi'msayin? It's Holla-fuckin-ween! Dis the only time o' year I can make lotsa Benjaminzz fo my scariest hos! People rully gettin into da holidaze spirit, I guess, goin out to get a real fright with they fuck, ya dig? Kinda the same reason I s'pose dat they go out to them fuckin haunted houseses and rent they scary movies. Dis one reason I like Halloween. My bitches also like to wear they cat and witch costumes when they out gettin treats for they tricks! And goddamn don't some o' them look fine in they holiday getup! Almose wanna fuck 'em myself! And the treats I got fo 'em, we talkin mo than juss money, y'all. It amazin how much fine quality weed and crack people willin to give up fo coupla hours of Holla-pussy! Matter of fact, some of 'em juss go out in one big pussy costume! Yeah, dawg, they fuckin have those now, furreal! Sho they stand out a lil, big ol' pussy on the street corner, but the fuzz (no pun intended) don't bust 'em, figure they juss out to a Halloweenie party! Lemme just sums up by sayin that evury October 31st, bidness be good fo Vichizz!
But I guess my love fo Halloween be goin back to when I wuz juss a lil' pimp. Sho I like candy, but I guess what I'm about to 'splain says dat maybe I was always destin to be a pimp! See, I always know how to work the ladies, even back when I was 'bout 11, 12. Always had it in me. After many years of juss goin 'round the neighborhood juss gettin' some candy (and an occasional few rocks of crack - dat right, hey, I live in the ghetto, y'know?) I figure I need sumthin mo. So I convinced a coupla the finest hos from eighth and ninth grade (I was in seventh at the time) to come 'round with me. Lemme juss say, when some o' the dudes at thuh doe acks for a trick, I had dem bitches give 'em a trick, knowhaddi'msayin?! Some 'o the time we gets door slams, but uthas, well, they give me my first pimpin jobs! See, dat one reason this holiday so special to me, cuz dat Halloween in 1987 mark the first time I wuz a bone-a-fied pimp daddy!
Tyler: Halloween used to be one of my favoritest times of the year. I love trick-or-treating and dressing up in costumes like Dracula or Frankenstein. Oh and the candy, I love candy! My favorite candies are the little candy bars, like the little Twix, Snickers, or Kit Kats. Mmmm. I never liked those gross candy corns or those yucky candies that look like big squishy peanuts. I hate those. I would always get Bobby Miller to trade with me, take those crappy candies and give me some good stuff, like pixie sticks or Twizzlers. But my dad last year all of a sudden decided that I shouldn't be trick-or-treating anymore.
He says that it's evil and running around in scary costumes and asking for candy is like devil worship. I cried and cried when he said I couldn't trick-or-treat anymore. My mom got mad at him, too. He told her to shut up, that he was the ruler of the house and we should follow his rules. He said he never did like me trick-or-treating but just let me so I wouldn't whine about it, but Pastor Jeff from church gave a sermon last year when Halloween was on a Sunday about how evil the holiday was, how it was a Pagan holiday and good Christians shouldn't follow it.
I am so sad that my dad doesn't let me go out on Halloween anymore. I don't know why he's still listening to something Pastor Jeff said because last March he was put in jail for messing around with Patti Stevenson (she's was in 9th grade at the time)! He doesn't sound like a good Christian to me. When I asked my dad why he still listens to Jeff he told me that it wasn't Jeff's fault, that Patti dressed like a little slut and pretended to be older. The jury at Jeff's trial didn't think so, though.
Vichizzle: Awwww, yeah, things are lookin up! I think I got a new employee, muthafuckas! This rully hot lookin' white girl come to my doe trick-or-treatin' dressed in this slutty little devilgirl costume and I say "Daammmmnnn, girl, you look fine!" She gets all giggly and smiles and next thing I know I'm invitin' her in and she cole drinkin some beer with me and my homies, says her name's Patti, and you know what? When we get to talkin' 'bout my bidness, she says she might be inturested! I hits the fuckin jack-POT hur! See, Halloween continues to be good fo the Vichizz! Peace out.
Tyler: Someday when I grow up and get married and have kids, I'm going to let them trick-or-treat on Halloween. Maybe I should just make sure they ask God for forgiveness afterwards or something.
11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08