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Not much has been said about whiteman's blues or mall kiosks with food at them on this website. This is a sin. Forgiveness needs to be sought in a church.

First, I will tell you the story of one of my first businesses. As a businessman I have had my hands in business in one format or another for over forty years (after retiring as a Stasi assasin). Many of my early attempts were failures because I was not aggressive enough with customers. When I started the Oodles of Streudel mall kiosks and worked in them myself at times, I found customers resisted getting a gigantic sheet of streudel served to them in the middle of the mall. Sales sagged. I needed to go after those customers, grab their wallets, shove their faces in my streudel, tell them about how much hard work went into making it, and then put a bullet in the base of their skull (therefore allowing me to legally keep all of their money under the Stand Your Ground amendment to the U.S. Constitution). Ibid.

Twenty years later, my good friends Dougie Bowser, Leo "Crusher" James, Leonard Schmidt, and David King began the hip whiteman's blues band Oodles of Streudel in an homage to my early business venture. You haven't made a single fucking business venture of any note IN YOUR LIFE so don't you DARE be critical of me. Don't you DARE.

Whiteman's blues is the lonely music of the straight white male, the forgotten peoples of North America. Long pushed aside for others and taken advantage of for their generosity, a typical whiteman's blues band plays a long catalogue of sad songs with a tragic beat. This reflects the incredibly rough life that the straight white male is forced to live in this corrupt society built by the deep state.

 

These are the songs off their first album, Cutting Loose in the Basment:

Salmon Colored Belt is the story of a man who goes into a store and because he is a straight white man, he is forced with a cattle prod (skillfully utilized by shopkeepers) into the back of the store, out of sight, where his only choices for belts are salmon or pink. I have linked those two colors in case you are some shit the bed type who can't understand basic words and have to look them up due to your extremely piss poor upbringing. You will learn. This song has a catchy beat and is usually the opener at their concerts, most of which are in bars in the woods throughout the south.

Eating Crackers in Bed sounds like a weak kid's song but it is about going down on women. Really great overall concept. You can basically taste it yourself because the hook in the chorus is SO tragic.

We Belong Near the Atlantic I have no idea what this song is about, but there are three drum solos in it and the song is damned near nine minutes long.

Smells Like a Pig is a great song that seems to be about murder but turns out to be a pig roast that was actually scheduled on that day. It is one of their humorous blues songs.

I Feel Bad About Not Having Any Job Opportunities Due to Job Creators Being Overtaxed is an instrumental.

Strutting My Stuff is a dance number where you basically feel like dying at the end of because it reminds you of how little time straight white men actually spend dancing.

Get All Them Women Outta Here is a great song about just wanting to be around other straight white men, playing poker with your shirt off, and smoking cigars. Real manly man stuff. This is a manly song.

Taking a Drive in the Forest is a somewhat romantic song in which the singer murders his girlfriend in the woods and buries her in a shallow grave. This is the one where the audience does the wave as he describes cutting the body up. With each stroke of the knife, the audience rises, cheers, and sits down again. The kind of song you can actually enjoy instead of just putting up with like you do with other songs by other bands that aren't as good as Oodles of Streudel.

 

Their second album was entitled: I am Entitled to Stuff and it is their best album:

This was the album in which the famous Brank Oxford sang lead on all the songs because Dougie Bowser wanted to concentrate on his guitar riffs. I have linked "guitar" for you in case you are stupid and need to look that word up. If you keep clicking on links and leaving the writeup, you will not be able to finish reading this writeup. You will get lost in the nodegel which is something I was told about here once in a hot tub nodermeet. Three noder women are carrying my baby TO TERM, although they probably gave birth to them since that was years ago.

I Finally Got Her is about being betrayed by a woman and then putting cement shoes on her and throwing her off a bridge. Leo "Crusher" James actually did this and the song basically gave away his secret. He was arrested after the record's realease and Brank Oxford joined the band full time and Dougie Bowser moved over from vocals to guitar.

Then I Got Her Mom is something of a follow-up to I Finally Got Her except in this one, the whole band goes to the woman's house and they all take part in stabbing the mother. Then they feel badly about it. A very bluesy number.

Slap That Child is a moving little song about discipline and children that gets right to the point. "Hit 'em harder! Hit 'em harder! Knock some sense into that motherfucker!" One of the best choruses in the business.

Keep Your Woman In Line is a companion to Slap That Child that gets into disciplining your wife and other members of the extremely weaker sex and getting them in line. Really puts it "on the line."

Bowling Alley is about being in a bowling league with friends who are straight and white.

Last Round is about a nice neighborhood bar closing because straight white men can't get jobs in the city any longer due to being discriminated against.

Complete Nude is about a bunch of straight white men getting together after work and swimming in a retention pond together. They are naked. In the rentention pond. Very interesting.

Hammer and a Saw is about going in the basement of your grandfather's house, finding his woodworking tools, and discovering you are a master craftsman as all straight white men naturally are.

Stink, Stank, and Stunk is a song about three bodies you buried under your aunt's house and how you have to move them years later because the smell is affecting your aunt's bridge club get togethers. You have to get in there, while they are playing, listening to their "programs" and chisel those bodies out of the basment walls without disturbing any support beams and throw those carcasses in your car so you can bring them to a second burial site.

Repairing Cars in Muh Garage is of course their biggest hit. You've probably heard it on underground "pirate" white radio recently. The album version is extra long, with fourteen variations on the chorus.

 

Songs about the oppression of the straight white male are necessary in these dark times. I am somewhat one since my origins are somewhere in Slovakia where I lived in a gypsy caravan until German soldiers killed the adults and took the children for experiments. This was a correct thing for them to do and I am grateful. I have suffered with many, many shaved, hairless animals inserted in my rectum. I need songs that speak to my pain. Some of these songs really hit home for me.

Let me speak to that for a moment, if I may. My pain over many, many hairless animals being shoved with great force and effort into my ass is very real. I can still feel the Bavarian black bear, a fully mature adult beat that had all its fur removed, was placed under my body and I was to sit on it like a toilet. Do you understand what that is like for a person, knowing a fully mature black bear is being rammed right up your rear? Can you even imagine the pain. You cannot. So, listen to the music I like sometimes. Try to understand my pain. Ungrateful little motherfuckers. Think about the animals that are still up there. THINK ABOUT THEM.

I give this band an A+ because they speak to MY pain.

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