The Man.
not
man, just the
man,
damn him.
The
creator of the
original Sharkey's
Homepage of Sharkey, now called
solidsharkey.com. His
birth was
heralded by
children with
trumpets and other
vague Christian imagery] that has
pre-Christian roots. He
founded the
North American chapter of the
Society for Alcoholic Introverts Who Hate Stupid People and Cannot Escape their Evil Clutches (
SAIWHSPCEEC,
pronounced add-on). Sharkey was once
arrested for
impersonating a lemon, not because
impersonating a
lemon is
illegal, but because he was a
sour lemon, and
belted a
cop with his
scotch bottle. But there is
tragedy to this
happy go lucky story as well, Sharkey
underwent a
greulling several
weeks while trying to stop
smokng, and our
hearts went out to him at this
hard time. It is not
clear whether or not his
devious plan to quit
smoking, involving
three buckets,
pornography, a
bed, a
television,
nailing himself in a
room, a
bottle of
valium, and
miscellaneous canned food stuffs, worked, but he hasn't
mentioned recently, so it might have.
After the stop
smoking escapade he took a
hiatus, due to a
Natalie Portman's nipples related
injury. After spending
thirty six years licking his
wounds and nursing his
pride, he burst back onto the
egocentric websites scene,
pioneering the now popular
Page of Evil (
PoE).
Riding on the success of the
PoE, he funded the development of and the
fabrication of the first
Pikachu. Finding, after months of
travel and wasted
publicity, that no one wants to buy a
genetically engineered yellow chinchilla that
electrocutes children when it feels
threatened, he killed all but one in a fit of
frustrated anger. He and the
remaining pikachu traveled the
world,
challenging other
assholes to
duels, but alas, all of the other
creations were
dead, so Sharkey just had to
punch the
shit out of them. After
realizing that the
damned rat couldn't say anything but its name, Sharkey used it to
smash out a window a the head offices of
Nintendo for making the game
Tetris too damned addictive (Sharkey spent most of
highschool in the
Betty-Ford, battling his
addiction to the
falling bricks). Sharkey has not seen the
pikachu since.
Now, years later, he continues to produce his
webpage, although he was never the same after his
torrid affair with the entire cast of 'BayBay's Wonderful Life' a
terrible teen sitcom that never made it to air in
North America. My
heart goes out to you Sharkey, even though you don't like
stupid people.