(information from Golem 100 by Alfred Bester)

PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, AT WORK, AT YOUR IN-LAWS' HOUSE, OR INDEED ANYWHERE. ZULU ONE ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY DAMAGE OR INJURY CAUSED BY THE MISUSE OF THIS NODE.

Golem 100 opens with a group of eight ladies who are bored and want to summon the Devil just to pass the time. In the end, they summon a creature based on their collective 'id' (as in suppressed evil), but this is because their incense contains Promethium (Pm), as we later find out. Their method is to sit in a circle and simultaneously chant the following mantras:

The invocation: I invoke you, ye holy one! Regal and majestic! Glorious splendour! Mighty arch-daimon! Denizen of chaos and Erebus, and of the unfathomable abyss! Haunter of sky-depths! Murk enwrapped, scanning mystery, and guardian of cults! Flame-fanning terror darter! Heart-crushing despot! Satanachia of daimons! Invincible Lucifer!

The prayer: domine deus meus in te speravi conlitebor tibi domine in toto corde meo quem ad modum desiderat cervus ad fantes aquarum. Ouver! Chameron! Aliseon! Mandousin! Premy! Oriet! Mayorus! Esmony! Estiot! Dumosson! Danochar! Casmiel! Sadirno! Eparinesant! domine meus Lucifer!

The conjuration: I conjure thee spirit to come and show thyself in fair and comely shape without guile or deformity by the name of Casmiel! By the name of beloved Lucifer! By the dread day of final judgement! By the omen! By the changing sea of glass! By those beasts having eyes before and behind, and having one hundred hands!

The pact: Je renonce à tous les biens tant spirituels que corporels qui me pourraient estre conferez de la part de Dieu! De la vierge Marie! Et de tous les, oui, les saincts du Paradis! Pareillement de mon patron saint Jean Baptiste! Saint Paul! Saint Pierre! Et Saint François! Et de me donner de corps aaaaaaaaaaaa Lucifer!

Rituel: Astrachios asach abedumar silet scigin lord of all, Lucifer, whose glance searchest the abyss, grant me the power to conceive in my mind, and the power to execute that all which I desire to do! Oh Lucifer! I give unto thee my soul! My inward parts! My desires! And my entire being! Sweet lord Lucifer!

The Vision: I am the daughter of fortitude and ravished every hour from my youth. The heavens address me! They covet and desire me with furious appetite! I am shadowed with the hot circle of stone, and encovered with the crimson warning clouds! I am deflowered and yet a virgin! Behold! I will bring forth children unto you, oh my husband, Lucifer!

Cabala 1: chokmah binan chesed gedulan geburah tiphereth netzach nod yesod malkuth Shaitan!

Cabala 2 is in Hebrew script and I cannot reproduce it here. You'll just have to make do for now.


Also required: a pentacle; incense; and a Hand of Glory.

I should also point out that in the book the mantras are drawn in a musical score, which looks oh so cool, even though it is slightly unreadable. The score ends with a nice tune for the Golem 100, which has lots of bass and a thunderous tremolo chord at the end.

The second method used to summon the devil is the Seal of Solomon (<-- more details and a diagram there). This, to quote the book, is "heavy magic that's supposed to like make Satan do a number".

If you live in Springfield this can be as easy as saying, "I'd sell my soul for ____," in a sufficiently plaintive voice. Then the Devil (looking rather like Ned Flanders) will promptly show up in an appropriate cloud of brimstone smoke.

Outside of Springfield it can be rather more complicated. If god fearing the would be summoner must reject God in no uncertain terms. (Though he doesn't have to mean it literally. Otherwise we wouldn't get wacky literary fun.) It can be in any language, but Latin or Aramaic gives things the right air.

Then with appropriately ancient book (checked out from the convenient books of evil section at the library) or photocopies in hand the demonologist is ready to chant some rather silly things in one of the biblical tongues. Though if you live in Sunnydale the language does not matter, just as long as you get it right in translation. Foul smelling herbs are helpful, though not marijuana. Old world stuff like monkshood, rue, wormwood, sage, and tarragon are called for in different spells. (Time to raid mom’s spice rack.)

The trouble is that there is an awful lot of bunkum out there, old scratch is not going to show up for just anyone calling. If you’re not a saint (and if you are why would you be making friendly with the opposition?) he probably won’t stir from the couch for your punk ass soul. So it has to be a real spell and a very powerful one. Something built into the universe and probably invoking a real name. Getting a hold of the true name of a demon’s true name is a serious task, much less that of the big D himself.

Now selling your soul to a demon is much easier, but you are not going to get as much. And just as with The Prince of Lies you will probably be screwed by some codicil in the contract. (Though you are more likely to get away with it than with someone as smart as the Prince of Darkness.) If you are really, really good (and lucky) you might pull off a something like John Constantine, cheating the devil of his due by playing him off of other powerful demons or tricking him into drinking holy water. More likely you’ll just end up dead and in hell.

In addition something like John Dee’s amulet of power certainly can’t hurt. There are also other things, like the Seal of Solomon that can be used to summon demons. The original object, not a more recent copy. Last in the hands of Pope Leo X and concealed along with the invocation in a pair of candlesticks.

Similar to the situation in Springfield is the tradition of the Devil just showing up when people are receptive. Ready to make a deal with a person who will be important in his continuing war with JHVH. Though a number of incarnations of Satan have called this ridiculous declaring that he is not "a fishmonger".

De Umbrarum Regni Novem Partis (The book of the Nine Gates to the Kingdom of Shadows) has an encoded method for invoking The Adversary:
It is the animal with the tail in its mouth that encircles the labyrinth
where you will go through eight doors before the dragon
which comes to the enigma of the word.
Each door has two keys:
one is air the other matter,
but both are the same thing.
You will place matter on the serpent’s skin
in the direction of the rising sun,
and on its belly the seal of Saturn.
You will break the seal nine times,
and when the reflection in the mirror shows the way,
you will find the lost word
Which brings light from the darkness.

The pact with Lucifer:
"You will accept the pack of alliance that I offer you, surrendering myself to you. And you will promise me the love of women and the flower of maidens, the honor of nuns, the rank, pleasures, and riches of the powerful, princes, and ecclesiastics. I will fornicate every three days, and the intoxication will be pleasing to me. Once a year I will pay homage to you in the confirmation of this contract signed with my blood. I will tread upon the sacraments of the Church and I will address prayers to you. I will fear neither rope nor sword nor poison. I will pass among the plague-ridden and the lepers without sullying my flesh. But above all I will possess the Knowledge for which my first parents renounced paradise. By virtue of this pact you will erase me from the book of life and enter me in the black book of death. And beginning now I will live for twenty happy years on man's earth. But then I will go with you to your kingdom and curse God."


Sources:
Practical Demon Keeping, by Christopher Moore
The Club Dumas, by Arturo Pérez-Reverte
Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits by Garth Ennis
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
The Simpsons Halloween Special IV

Traditionally, you can run around a church widdershins three times to summon Satan. It is not clear whether this should be amended to clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere. (Addendum: I just checked 'widdershins' - it seems that the definition of widdershins is different in the southern hemisphere anyway. I still have no idea whether clockwise or anticlockwise is right in the antipodes.)

A good recipe for the 'reject God' version can be found in Marlowe's Doctor Faustus. Noded here.

"I will fornicate every three days." That's from Michalak's write up. The pact with the devil seems to apply to people who are sexually attracted to females, what with the flower of maidens and really? Nuns? I suppose that is devilish. It also promises only twenty years of life. So probably one should wait until at least age 70 to make this pact, unless you have serious health issues before then. I am holding off and anyhow, I want to write one for people who are sexually attracted to males and/or a bi one. Or a general one or one that includes humans. I don't want to make it too general.

But Lucifer, every three days seems sort of average. I suppose not if you are male and in your 80s or 90s or have diabetes and are over 50. 10.5% of the US population has diabetes according to the CDC (1). Another common problem that could affect erections is hypertension. The prevalence is 29.0%. "During 2015–2016, the prevalence of hypertension was 29.0% and increased with age: age group 18–39, 7.5%; 40–59, 33.2%; and 60 and over, 63.1%." (2) Wow, I am doing well, no hypertension. Heart disease, emphysema, back pain, post Covid-19, there are a lot of things that can interfere with intercourse.

I turn to google. Search on frequency of fornication in American males: https://www.good.is/Health/chart-lost-virginity. That was not exactly what I was looking for.

Another search: how often do US men have sex at different ages?

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/08/168733/sex-frequency-age-average. This is from August 2017.

Ok, fornication every three days is about average or a little better than average for an 18 year old male in the US. Huh. And then it drops off with age. Well, except women in the 36-and-older age group report having the most sex (3). To be fair it is not clear at all whether that is a sexual peak or women get better and more confident about figuring out what they want and like and/or their partners figure out what gets the best bangs.

Ok, Lucifer, the every three days thing appears to be a better than average deal for your male soul sellers.

1. https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/data/statistics-report/index.html
2. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db289.htm
3. https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/05/156817/women-sexual-peak-best-age-to-have-sex
4. This too: Sexual Frequency Decline From Midlife to Later Life https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3132270/

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