Wasabi tobiko, aka "Wasabi caviar" is basically flying fish roe in a potent wasabi base. On a more complex level, it's a designer drug. This is caviar that looks like it came from a three-headed Chernobyl fish. This is caviar that looks like it's what the rich get before they have an MRI. This is caviar that looks like it would have a Ph.D. in punk aesthetics if it was sentient. In fact, this is caviar that looks like it should be sentient.

Even if you don't like caviar - hell, even if you hate caviar - you'll still like wasabi tobiko if you like the following two things:

1. wasabi and 2. cream cheese.

Because, as we all know from all those reruns of Dynasty we watch while we try to deal with our late-stage capitalist, post-industrial depressive insomnia, caviar is served on top of a thin buffer of cream cheese, spread delicately on a tiny toast that looks almost exactly like the toast that comes out of doll sized toasters, which come, in turn, out of boxes advertising "WORKS LIKE A REAL TOASTER!".

Wasabi tobiko should be eaten, Dynasty-style, with cream cheese on tiny toast. Even though the caviar in this case isn't really caviar anyway, as any uppercrusty milquetoast hysteric will tell you (at length). It's just roe. Just edible little exploding beads of pleasing firmness that go squish. The original flavor of the tobiko is totally academic in this case because it is suspended in a quantum leaping quantity of brain-burning, baby light my fire, endorphin rushing wasabi.

The tobiko is mostly just a textured carrier for the wasabi, which was predestined to be paired with the ultra-bland creaminess of good old cream cheese, in the ultimate synergy of East meets West. They come together in the kind of epicurean bliss that can produce genuine ecstasy in people with sensitive tastebuds.

Even for those with less finely tuned instruments, the brain registers the presence of satiating, survival-ensuring fat at the same time that it registers the complex wasabi reaction - a reaction which combines the physical, neurological, and adrenocortical aspects of human experience to such an extent that a human being would need years of training in tantric sex to provoke anything remotely similar.

Wasabi tobiko, served Dynasty-style, is the best of both worlds - the domestic and the wild, comfort and cataclysm, soft and strong, leather and lace, the raw and cooked, whatever, you name it, this is the Wonder Twin supersnack that will shift your paradigms and wake you up at four in the morning wanting more. Yin and yang, baby. Yin and yang on toast.

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