Why are we all so troubled?

...because we feel that we are victims, and forget that we always have choice.
...because we feel unloved, and forget that we must learn to love ourselves first.
...because we fear death, and forget that death is just a door.
...because we fear others, and forget that we have the power to heal them.
...because we won't trust, and forget that our lack of trust stems from our own feelings of inadequacy.
...because we feel numb, and forget that by allowing ourselves to feel emotions, we feel most alive.

...because we never stop to take the time to remember all that we knew instinctively as small children,

Because I get too close to something beautiful, and I want to own it.

"First I see it.
And then I want it.
And then I get it.
And then I break it down.
The trouble with me is that I'm trouble."
- Lois Maffeo

If I look at him too long, I won't see him anymore.

Because the world is going to hell and I am powerless to stop it.

What am I afraid of that is bigger than fear?

Most of all, I am afraid of my own potential. I am afraid that the inability to realize this potential is a real threat to my sanity. I am afraid that my voice will be lost among the millions when I shout my name.

"I wonder if everything I do, I do instead of something I want to do more..."

- Ani Difranco

We don't know ourselves anymore

About middle of last summer, I realized I no longer knew myself. I woke up in Rome, having stayed awake for two straight days; I saw a stranger in the mirror. This was it, insanity. After all, how can one be sane if there is no bond between the mental and physical? My inside had become piq, who I had strived to become for years - but my shell had been left behind. This lasted for a month, the scariest month I have ever gone through.

while(true) fork();

Things move too fast for full processing, we perceive tidbits (like blades of grass outside the train window) and reconstruct our reality from them. There is no time for introspection: gotta go to class, gotta be at work, late, seven days a week, eighteen hours a day, coffee is the oil of our society. Life is no longer an experience, it's a process. We still die at the end, naked and alone.

nothing is beautiful

Pause for beauty