More angst! More rhythm!
There's a pain in my chest, and it's been there for hours. It's supposed to be your heart, today, isn't it? But it's not. I'm happily in love, but super insecure about it right now. I didn't see her today. She's out of the country. I'm a little depressed about that, but not enough to worry about.
What I am worried about is this damn pain. I haven't done anything strenuous in the last.. whenever, I mean, I'm exercising and working out for the first time in ages, but I was fine when I finished earlier. I was sitting here, in front of my computer, and I breathed deeply and... nearly fell of my chair, it was so unexpected. I couldn't sit up right, I can't breathe deeply, and it sucks. It's like a stitch, but not attached to my stomach, attached to my rib. On the right hand side. What is it? Why is it there? What did I do to deserve this? I'd really like to be able to sit up, or lie down straight, if that's ok with you, ribs. I have stuff to do tomorrow, I need to get to sleep, ok? But since I can't, and my girlfriend isn't here to whinge to, I'm gonna whinge to you lot. Sorry about that.
Ok, I don't really have stuff to do tomorrow, just a haircut. My brother is going to Vanuatu, tomorrow, but I doubt I'll go to the airport with my parents. If I can stand up right, maybe. Maybe I'll head out with some friends. Maybe I can't afford that. Actually, that sounds right.
This is a dumb situation. I need to visit the smallest room in the house, but I can't. I need to refill my bottle of water so I don't wake up dehydrated, but I can't. Can't, cause my sister's boyfriend is 'sleeping' on the futon in the back room, where the bathroom is, and my sister is 'sleeping' in her room, on the futon too. I'm not going out there to interrupt them again, the whole thing squicks me. Even if they are sleeping. Whatever. But I'm gonna regret it in the morning.
The weather is hot. My room must be at least 30 degrees C. When I finally get to sleep, after hours of lying there, brain humming like a kazoo in a windtunnel, I wake up three hours later, drenched in sweat, tangled in sheets, parched of mouth and gritty of eye. Then I go back to sleep for a few more hours, until it's a reasonable time. My sleep cycle gravitates to (2-4am) to (12-3pm). I blame Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder for this, and I hope I can get back to something approaching a normal cycle before university starts on March 3, 2003.
Eh, I need to sleep but I cannot. I will sit here and play some form of ancient video game until I pass out or the painkillers kick in. Which they should have done about 20 minutes ago, so I'm not holding out much hope.
Damn, I'm thirsty.
Quite some time later, I have water and the pain is gone. I can't sleep, though, now. My paranoia about my girlfriend is intense, useless and groundless. I hate this. I hate *knowing* she loves me and doubting it, thinking she's off with someone else, whatever. I hate that there is evidence all around me that she loves me, and all I can think of is that she hasn't messaged me back. I know her phone has not been working well lately, I know she's in another country, crossing borders and cellular services all the time. I know. And I'm still scared...
Her phone works. She does love me. See, what did I tell you?
Still can't sleep, though. I will dance on insomnia's grave for this. Or the sandman, or whoever it is that's responsible for sleep distribution these days.