Elon Musk is a stupid motherfucker

People used to pretend he was the greatest genius of all time, mostly because he was a billionaire, and people love to kiss up to billionaires. Musk has never actually built anything, though. He just buys companies, has himself listed on the website as the founder, then runs the place into the ground. 

Dude paid $44 billion for a $15 billion company, which he's getting ready to completely destroy, in the process vastly reducing his own wealth and the status of his other companies, and he's still got thirsty alt-right dumbfucks lining up to eat his ass. 

"What's his genius plan?" ask all the tech reporters. "We know he must be a genius because he inherited so much money!" No, turns out he's a fucking moron! He's an apartheid princeling, so the kind of idiotsticks who think Donald Trump and Alex Jones are brilliant think Elon literally invented the electric car and space travel. A man who doesn't know how to dig a tunnel, and his sweaty, miserable Wormtongues insist he's humanity's greatest genius? 

So El Musko shows up with his stupid sink and fires half the staff. And then he kept firing people, as capriciously as he could. Complain about the boss and his mismanagement of the company? You're fired. Perform a vital duty for the company, like advertising, programming, or content moderation? You're fired, too. Once he'd fired all but a handful of content moderation staff, making it impossible to handle the sudden surge in hate speech and death threats, Skum started handling bans on his own. Leftists and antifa? Banned. Open and unapologetic Nazis? Welcome back! That's free speech, baby! Twitter is currently being run by a skeleton crew staff, with a constantly increasing number of bugs and glitches. And the Muskrat keeps simping desperately for Donald Trump -- and for some reason, Stephen King -- which of course guarantees both of them will ignore him, making him look even more pathetic

The self-proclaimed Greatest Champion of Free Speech (Nazis only) has also been busy banning journalists who report on him, anyone who tracks his movements or activities, and anyone who makes fun of his hair plugs. The bloated billionaire may not be able to pay his rent, put together an IKEA bookcase, or satisfy any of his ex-wives, but he's really talented at having shrieking meltdowns when anyone laughs at him. 

You know what would happen to your favorite brew pub if its slow-witted owner fired half the staff for funsies, all while busting glass mugs all over the bar, letting outright neo-Nazis scrawl swastikas all over the front window, and screaming about how he sure did love Donald Trump? It wouldn't be your favorite brew pub for very long. 

The facts are thus: none of the much-vaunted techbros are geniuses. They're incurious, extremely wealthy, extremely conservative doofuses, kept afloat by vice presidents and secretaries and assistants who know to keep the boss distracted, to keep him away from anything having to do with the company's actual operations. And Elon Musk, this flabby, pan-faced dimwit, this moistened lump of uncooked white dough, this self-impressed bag of unseasoned mashed potatoes, this wet-brained Trump-toadying fathead -- he's the dumbest of the bunch. 

In a sane world -- one where thundering morons didn't become multi-billionaires -- I'm not sure Elon would've lived to adulthood. He seems like the type who'd play stupid games with deadly toys, but even more than that, he's such a self-important asshole. Maybe that's a factor of wealth; maybe a poorer Elon would be a more humble Elon. But it's just as likely he'd say something stupid and rude to someone with a crowbar, and that'd be the end of one racist asshole. 

Honestly, the best way to save Twitter -- and Tesla and SpaceX -- might be for someone to give Musk a shiny new fidget-spinner and a juice box, wheel him out to the loading dock, and lock the door back in. If he can figure out a way back in -- well, there's always another fidget-spinner and juice box to get him back out of the way.