Yay! I'm going to a hardcore show in Taos tomorrow!
This show is something I need. *NEED*.
For those of you who don't know, I am a dancer. Through and through. This isn't something like, "I like to go shake my ass over a few martinis," or "I like to go show off for the girls." It's a powerful experience for me, life-changing, even.
It's the whole
process of it that makes it so wonderful, not just the
fulfillment of it all. The process of getting to the
venue. The
preparation beforehand, the cleansing of my body before I go, the
excitement I feel as every minute that passes brings me just one step closer to fulfillment. I only eat certain
foods for several days beforehand, and generally
fast for at least 6 hours before the night of the show.
Once there, I prepare for the catharsis that is almost certain to ensue. I pace nervously across the dancefloor, stretching my arms and legs, and sending myself through breathing exercises. I close my eyes, swaying gently in time with the music, occasionally tapping one heel to feel the beat. I send my body through some of the more familiar routines, dancing for a few seconds at a time, then stopping to resume my pacing and stretching.
A couple hours pass... Maybe several. My mind turns more and more inward, seeking that place within myself when I can truly let go.
The moment comes... The quintessential "click." Ask any freestyle dancer about it, and they'll tell you. My mind, my body, and my spirit merge into one, as my entire consciousness and being all turn toward one thing.
To absorb, transform, and experience the energy all around me.
My movements become more solid, more fluid. The hesitancy apparent earlier evaporates away. This time, once I start, I don't stop.
I am a disciplined frenzy.
A precision hurricane.
And in the middle of this perfectly organized insanity, I stand perfectly still. Not moving, but being moved.
I exist on the very edge of a breaking wave that somehow never breaks. I exist one beat at a time, 150 times per minute.
And I hold the power of creation in the palm of my hand.
Yes. This is the moment I've waited for, that I've craved for so long. My mind floats peacefully in the emptiness, surrounded by the waves of beautiful, blissful energy. My body translates this pervasive energy into movement of it's own volition, of it's own instinct.
Yes. This is the moment I've craved for so long. When I shine brighter than at any other time. The only time in my existence when a random passerby will stop, and stare in awe, because in this moment, I am beautiful.
Yes... this is the moment I've needed...
And I've never been more in love.