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Lines from love letters I've written and saved from 1993 to the present. My first attempt at a cut-up.

Dear dear friend
like me, only good in person
this is what I’d be whispering
sweet-spirited and written in contagious rambling style
Forgive me for making so little sense.
it’s so much easier to write when you’re giddy than to talk
No, I really did just sigh.
Your corduroy and guttural speech endear me
pretty, how lucky I find your eyes and name
I’m enough for you. Which is pathetic.
lucky; slashing imaginary hearts with a Bic
and filling my diary with hormone-dripping tripe.
I've started to dot my i's with hearts.
I am alive, and I make estrogen.
Did you get my Christmas card? My numerous e-mails?
Do you realize that if it were convenient I would stalk you?

my first kiss died in July, disconnected. Painkillers.
looks like you.
And I'm going to kill my father.
This is what I am doing with the silence: letting go.
Pages in my journal, taking long walks and drinking a lot of green tea.
It’s a solution.
it’s actually not the worst part.
He’s very well-spoken + brave.
Yelling at me and telling me to go away
He is a secret, superior twin to me. He dances. I do (in my bedroom).
boo hiss sob sob sob
I was not the last.

I thought of you all day ... really.
Dead and rigor mortised and necrophiled and beaten horses, etc.
He loves me, he loves me not, mu.
My feet stuck out from under my blanket, I got rained on.
Light & misty and I had to call.
So I’m full of bubbles if you needed to know, which you probably don’t.
It’s been like ages. You were supposed to call me last night and you know you didn’t.
I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve constructed force fields:
The most that will happen is an impassioned CLANK! if we meet. Maybe nothing at all.

A part of me was getting sick.
Lies, and I knew it. I assume you were hurt.
Honey, someday you’ll see me.
I was only kidding. I am moody, unstable, immature.
I want your words. Forgiveness. Friendship. But only if you want to give.
You are the best kisser I know. My body felt heavy in flight.
Now you know this is a love letter. But maybe you do that too.
Maybe I invented you.

I am still alive and well on the Western Hemisphere (the dancin’-est hemisphere of all!).
And I’m gonna read Emerson too.
I dreamt that one of my cats was smoking.
I need I need
A fix like cigarettes
this addiction I can’t identify or satisfy

A -14-year-old boy said, "I love you." It was hilarious. It fucking made my day. Fucking splendid.
Dream guy. And raising his brows. Yeah!
Maybe it really is over, permanent and broken.
played Truth or Dare with boys
I worry about postal workers and parents
my mother in the garden
grow, prune, grow — or something
I worry about it and I don’t worry about it.
We left yesterday morning and I still hadn’t gotten your letter yet.

Are our microtransmitters tuned to the same station, or what?
You have
a gorgeous time spraining your toe and falling in love.
Lucky devil.
I wanna see your bad handwriting!
I had a dream about you. You had your own private trash can!
I swooned, but I’m always doing that. I’m only flunking one of my classes this term.
Have a happy! Call and let me know who you are now.
Peace/love + grilled cheese.

Yours truly