I can't be the only
one, can
I?
I've just realized that I have a terrible
failurephobia. I never really noticed it before, because I've always subconsciously chosen to do things I'm at least
decent at. So just when I think I'm figuring
Everything out, figuring out what flies here, what people like, I post a node I think will probably get voted up some, maybe even
cooled! I try to tap into my creativity, unleash my
emotions, and relate it in a way that other people can appreciate.
And there it
sits, pouting at 0. What did I do
wrong?
I'm completely
humiliated at the fact that this bothers me. I didn't node again for several days, out of fear that the same thing would happen again. Even now I'm hesitant.
I'm not
stupid, I know that the self-respecting thing to do is brush it off, even
revel it in. I shouldn't need the acceptence of my peers to legitimize my existence. If I've expressed a part of who I am, I've succeeded, right?
Einstein flunked out of school, I can still be somebody, right?
But I find myself
unable to deal with
failure when I thought I would succeed. If this node gets
downvoted, will it be my last node? What a shitty attitude.
Ha, now I have to wonder whether this got downvoted simply because it was bad and someone really does want me never to node again, or if it's because someone's trying to teach me a lesson about accepting defeat. Will I ever know? :-)