Growing up the atheist son of a scientist, my path to God was difficult. That I found Him at all is a miracle. With no conventional religious education, I learned the Lord’s Prayer in high school, where we said it before every football game.
Later, as I was just beginning to seek Him on my own, a Baptist minister gave me the best advice I ever heard. He said “Kaj, you don’t need to believe entirely in God. You don’t even need to have faith in Him at all. All you need is the faith to ask for faith.”
Despite my doubts, I tried it, and it worked. It’s not something that comes naturally, though. It is as if my doubts diminish me in His eyes, and the guilt over my lack of faith keeps me from Him.
But then I think of how my son learned to walk. Ever the drama queen, he took his first steps at his first birthday party. In front of a crowd, of course. But before that, and even after, he struggled to walk towards me, holding on to chairs, tables, anything at hand. Lacking the confidence to walk on his own, he did what he had to do to get where he wanted to go.
Did that disappoint me? Of course not. I knew these were fledgling steps, and that they would soon be followed by strong, independent strides. Did I tell him “Walk now, or else?” Of course not. The very words look ridiculous.
As much as I love my son, I’m not arrogant enough to think that I can love him more than God loves me. All the love, patience and tolerance I feel for John Tyler is returned to me a hundredfold.
It’s there just for the asking.
BrevityQuest 2007