house party

As originally practised by British aristocrats, a party taking place over a period of days, rather than simply a afternoon or evening, with the participants sleeping over in guest rooms and eating, drinking, and socializing in common, often in a manor house or other Stately Home.

This suggests, to a modern ear, a rather pleasant state of anarchy, with everyone coming, going, and availing themselves at will of the swimming pool, golf course, etc. The truth is that most of these events were as rigidly scheduled as a day in High School or a Holiday Camp (wakey, wakey!), with everyone being shuttled around en masse from one activity to another (some thoughtful hosts provided printed schedules on arrival), usually centered on say, hunting, a local cricket match, or suchlike seasonal activity. Those who chose not to participate in, say, tennis or riding would be given someplace to sit (and usually some kind of refreshment as well), or less strenuous activity in the same general area, but a gracious guest was expected to at least try their hand at whatever was being offered. (The concept of social accomplishments helped a great deal in this: most of the people there had more-or-less the same skill set, and so activities became a lot more easy to plan.) In case of inclement weather, activity would be curtailed to walking (in the garden) or a motoring excursion (to a church, pub, or other local attraction), but on no account were people allowed to simply remain in the house itself. This rigidity was due to two binding constraints, one concerning servants, and the other implicit in the country home lifestyle itself.

First, even the richest families with the most devoted servants were at the mercy of law and custom regarding who worked where and for how long: since every part of the house had to be cleaned on a regular basis, and quick meals almost impossible, it simply wouldn't do to have, say, a few male guests getting up at the crack of dawn for a quick plunge, while some ladies lay in bed until noon or later. Also, while we love to picture a Lady of the Manor striding through a house full of displayed antiques, with every room awaiting only a human presence, very little of a manor house was in use at one time: to preserve what grandeur there was, much of the house was locked up, under dust covers, or simply kept bare until the few hours it would have to be on display.

House parties were most in vogue in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, latterly in the form of "weekends", forming a ready background for novelists trying to portray a range of philosophies-in-collision, such as Aldous Huxley's Crome Yellow (or a nice little murder mystery!) In the 60's and 70's they became popular again, with a lot less regimentation, in town this time, among the young and hip: see apt festival.

In the early 1990s, a movie trilogy was released to the viewing public. This trilogy combined the values of education, fighting against oppression, fun and, most importantly, having a hairstyle at least ten inches tall. I am speaking of none other than the House Party trilogy (I have seen copies of House Party 4; considering, however, that it has no actors featured in the original trilogy, I decided that it was best left in its own category: horrible).

These movies should be a part of everyone's cinematic education. Whenever I bring them up, though, nobody seems to know what I'm talking about. There's no quicker way to end a conversation than to say, "Hey, do you remember the scene in House Party where he raps to avoid being sodomized in jail?"

To prevent that from happening to anyone else, I present this handy guide to the House Party trilogy. Read it, love it, and use it.

House Party (1990)

Tagline: If they get caught, it's all over. if they don't, it's just the beginning!

Starring: Christopher Reid (Kid), Christopher Martin (Play), Martin Lawrence (Bilal)

Plot Summary: Play's parents have gone out of town, and he's holding the hottest party ever. Kid wants to go, but he's grounded! On top of that, three punks (Stab, Pee Wee and Zilla) have decided to teach him a lesson! Can Kid make it to the party, avoid the punks, and still get the girl?

Personal Reaction: As a reviewer on the Internet Movie Database said, "If you're still jiggy with hip-hop, see this movie." That sentence sums the film up: it's outdated enough to be funny, and still real enough to be true. Plus, for all five of you who saw Undercover Brother, you can finally understand the reference to Kid 'N' Play. And need I mention that, in the opening sequence, they "blow the roof off [that] sucka," literally?

House Party 2: The Pajama Jam (1991)

Tagline: I'm pretty sure it's just "The Pajama Jam" again.

Starring: All of your favorites from the first, plus Queen Latifah!

Plot Summary: Kid's finally going off to college, so he can follow his dead father's wishes! But wait! Play gave Kid's tuition to a fake record executive! And Kid's girl has been brainwashed by a militant feminist! How can Play help his friend stay in school and also win back his girl? I don't know, but it probably involves a Pajama Party!

Personal Reaction: There's not much more to this than what you see up there. The punks are back, and now they're campus security, and they keep trying to hurt Kid. Or something. This movie is a little fuzzy, simply because they spend an hour leading up to the party, and half an hour on the party. It should be the other way around! Write your congressman and demand more party in your House Party 2: The Pajama Jam!

House Party 3 (1994)

Tagline: The best house party yet.

Starring: The usual suspects, plus Bernie Mac, Chris Tucker, Eddie Griffith, and TLC!

Plot Summary: "Come to a new House Party where Kid, after a lifetime 'playing the field,' falls in love and is about to get married. Playplans to throw the rockin'est bachelor party ever - until Kid's three wise-crackin' nephews come to town, intent on showing Kid and Play what parties are all about..." - Michael Oglesby, as quoted on the Internet Movie Database.

Personal Reaction: Okay, I'll come clean. I haven't seen this one. But I imagine that Kid spoils his relationship with his fiancé, and then the party helps them reconcile, somehow. The punks aren't credited, so I imagine that these "wise-crackin' nephews" are to blame for Kid's estrangement from his fiancé! It did gross $19,300,000 in the USA, so it can't be all that bad.

There you have it. The soundtrack is "kickin'", the lyrics are "fresh", and the moves are "outrageous"!

Is also a game developed by Eek! Games for PC and released in early access in 2017 before a full release appeared in 2022.

Now. Hands up who liked those grossout sex comedies from the late 1990s and early 2000s? You know, American Pie, There's Something About Mary, Girl Next Door, that sort of thing. If you're a crusty old millennial like me, you probably guffawed along to them. They all had the same plot. High school or university students make Herculean efforts to get laid, but end up humiliating themselves in a thigh slapping welter of awfulness usually involving bodily fluids. But they were funny, damn it. And they still are! Well. If your hand is up, have you considered what it might be like to actually be in a grossout sex comedy from the early 2000s? Well, thanks to House Party, now you can! That's right, it's a game for PC in which you, the player, make Herculean efforts to get laid, and usually end up humiliating yourself in a thigh slapping and hilarious way. Or possibly actually do get laid. Because that sometimes did happen in those comedies as well, of course. I mean, this one time at band camp she did in fact stick a flute up her pussy, so stranger things have happened.

The plot, such as it is, is fairly simple. You're an unnamed person aged between 18 and 30 of either sex and you're at a loose end trying to find something to watch on TV, when you get a call from your friend Derek, if you're a man, or Brittany, if you're a woman, inviting you to a house party at the house of two sisters named Ashley and Madison (yes, the reference to the no strings attached swinging website is intentional). And you go. The rest, is up to you.

The people you encounter at the House Party are as follows:

• Derek. Your friend, if you're a man. He's a handsome black guy but who's sensitive about his nipples because they're unnaturally long. He is at the party because he's carrying a torch for...
• Madison. Co-host. Likes to think of herself as an artist and all spiritual. Was convinced spirit animals are real by a drunk homeless guy she sat next to on the bus. Is engaged in a semi-lethal prank war with...
• Ashley. Hates her sister but has to share a house with her. Is consigned to the smaller bedroom but has something nasty in her closet. She's there because her aunt told her to keep an eye on...
• Patrick. Cousin of the sisters above. Blonde. Wears a Hawaiian shirt. Is permanently drunk to the point at which other characters think he might actually have given himself brain damage. Incorporates the word "brah" into everything. Has a very successful, if immoral, business running a website called Neighbourhood Watch, which isn't about crime rates. Often gets beaten up by...
• Frank. Tank top wearing meathead gymbro. Straight edge. Hates alcohol. Likes martial arts. Claims his very large testicles have super powers. Has a side hustle dealing drugs which is why he hates alcohol. Also bisexual but refuses to admit it. He is followed around by...
• Leah. The obligatory sporty girl. Considers Frank her sensei and also likes martial arts and fancies herself as a samurai. Quite a good dancer. Goes to the same gym as...
• Brittany. Shy Southern girl who's self conscious about her extremely large boobs because she hates the attention they bring her. All round good egg. Dabbles in professional wrestling and extremely hot gumbo. Gay. Fancies the absolute pants off of...
• Amy. Cute and Asian and likes pop punk. Is prepared to experiment with Brittany but secretly fancies Derek and even despite his french fry nipples will happily try to get him to take his shirt off. Wants to joint a sorority because they're like free friends, particularly the one containing...
• Stephanie. Party girl. Gets wasted on everything. Dances non stop. Actually extremely intelligent but would prefer wasting her life getting high all the time and working at a breastaurant. If you get her to take her top off Brittany will follow her around in a state of doglike lust. Absolutely hates...
• Katherine. Is smarter than you and knows it and acts horribly to everyone else. Has a boyfriend not at the party who is a biker, and not the leather and moustaches type but the sort that is known only "The Spandex Daddy." Frank admires her for her complete inability to give a fuck about anything. Is a massive fan of...
• The Game Grumps. Some sort of real life Youtube people. It says here. They were put into the game because in early access they streamed it a lot and were huge fans. Not at the party to begin with but can be invited by the player's actions. Similar to...
• Lety. A Youtube person who has a channel called Lety Does Stuff. No, me neither. If you can get her invited to the party she can cause chaos with hot chilli and Spanish lessons and things get extremely surreal if you get her friendly with...
• Rachael. A mildly paranoid young lady who is convinced that the party isn't real, and neither is anyone at it, and everyone there is trapped in a weird simulation. She is, of course, right.

There's been two paid DLC expansions as well, which have added:

• Doja Cat. A singer or rapper. It says here. I don't know. I'm a crusty old millennial and I have no idea what the kids are into these days.
• Liz Katz. A cosplayer and former porn actress. Her DLC is subtitled "A Gritty Kitty Murder Mystery" and turns the game into one of those murder mystery dinner parties.

There is no real end to the game, the party lasts forever and you can keep causing chaos or not or exploring the various stories or things as much or as little as you want. However there are certain paths that result in the game coming to an end, such as sex with Madison in front of Derek and then bragging about it enough causing him to go totally nuts and burn the house down, or following Rachael's path while Lety is at the party results in Rachael escaping the Matrix and winking the game out of existence. Often stories or paths are mutually exclusive, for instance, if you side with Madison in her semi-lethal prank war against Ashley you not only cut off Ashley's path but also by extension Leah's (because you can't get into the closet to free Ashley's snake and thus can't convince Leah to slay a monster - it makes sense in context, don't worry). Similarly, if you take the short cut to retrieve Katherine's hipflask by simply baiting Frank into beating up Patrick and then stealing it, you cut off the whole path where you get to unlock the secrets of CompuBrah (Patrick's AI powered laptop - once again, it makes sense in context).

And yes, there is 3D sex and yes, it's completely uncensored. It's also extremely uncanny valley though thankfully they took it out of first person because it was making some players feel seasick. But that is only there basically because in all those grossout comedies of the 2000s, sometimes people did succeed in getting laid. The real selling point of House Party is the writing and the dialogue. Even the ambient dialogue can be pants-wettingly funny. And the situations as well, especially if you like comedic sociopathy. Though I'm still slightly miffed that we don't ever get to meet Spandex Daddy.

There is a sequel on the way called Office Party. Once again, the target audience seems to be crusty old millennials like me, who can remember the days (just) when the works Christmas do was considered boring if it didn't result in a flurry of disciplinaries on 2 January. But if you liked those grossout sex comedies, and wished that they hadn't fallen out of fashion in the latter half of the 2000s, I recommend House Party. It is clearly a labour of love and in a gaming scene which is hamstrung by budget busting and snouts in the trough and yet generates a cavalcade of bland over-monetised sludge, that sort of thing is worth backing.

Finally, it's interesting to note (as the initial content warning screen upon opening up the game does) that you will be banned from video and streaming platforms from this game because it can have nudity and explicit 3D uncanny valley sex in it, yet games which allow you to unapologetically commit war crimes are not so banned. Hmmmm.

(IN24/4)