Spring is slowly creeping across the city
The green moss and struggling crocus
Rearing their heads
In the still-cold sunlight of early April.

"April is the cruelest month"
I read from the tattered, dogeared book
"breeding lilacs out of dead land"
And I think of you
And how spring creeps through my veins
Like a subtled disease
Like your touch

And the pagan in me worried
That spring would never come
And the heart inside me worries
That you will come again
Just as I'm getting over you.

Easy for you to say!

I was just reading the above WU. Worry has plagued my mind these past few days. But it's more then just worry, it's excitement and nervousness, all at once. I'm preparing myself to ask a girl on a date for the first time ever.

Yes, that's right folks. I have never asked a girl out before. I have talked about this girl in previous journals before. She is that kind of girl every guy looks at and when she looks back, a wave of numbness surges throughout you entire body. She is the kind of girl that you could stare into her eyes for eternity and never get tired.

I was going to call her tonight (Monday, CST), but I found out she has school. I have to call her tomorrow. I'm not even sure if she will say yes. That's part of why I'm worried. She appears to have feelings for me, but I can't really tell. It's kind of a gamble I have to take.

I would gladly welcome encouragement and maybe even some reality checks, just to give me peace of mind.


I worked all day today. I helped elderly people put groceries in their car, cleaned poop off the toilet seats in the restrooms and my cheeks still hurt from smiling all day. Today was just your average boring day. Except, I did want to beat the crap out of one of the trash-talking newbies.

Part deux

Ok so referring back to my daylog on March 31, 2003 - well referring to one specific person, Marie.

She's my best friend and we would take bullets for one another but yesterday she called me and informed me she's pregnant and wants an abortion.

Fine that's fine if she wants to do that - it's her body and her choice I just want no part of it.

She called me today begging me to take her to the clinic on saturday. I contemplated it - but see if I had a car it would be a different thing I would say yah no problem but the issue is I would need to involve my boyfriend to borrow his car. He said no, he won't let me go deal with her crazy husband to try and sneak her out of there to a clinic. Well Norbi is on a tourist visa - if the psycho calls the cops they'll immediately deport him so he wants to have no part of it hence she's now stuck on her own - and pissed.

So we discussed this and I tried suggest other modes of transportation. Than she starts talking about this guy she mentioned a few weeks ago as she described: "19-year-old red neck truck driving hillbilly with a fat girlfriend that he's scared chickenshitless of" -well my immediate reaction LOSER specially since Marie only dates Mr. GQ. She says well you know how I was working overtime right? I said yah - well I haven't I've been fucking around with Brad. LITERALLY my eyes popped out onto my desk - I was like what I could of lived without this?!

So ok she's goes on how this guys is a good lay and shit and am boggled. I mean yah she was called O'Lay in high school cause she spreads like butter - but damn after 3 years of marriage and a kid I would hope she would mature.

So she left 8 voicemail messages on my cell phone which I left at home and than 4 messages at the house - just to tell me all this - lucky me. So well damn - I wish she would leave me out of details sometimes - I'm waiting for her husband to call me know to see if I know anything - interrogate for details. It'll be my turn for mind tricks I guess.

This is a vent and a scream at the top of my lungs: Why can't this be a crazy April Fools Day joke and wake up to a non-dysfuntional reality.

Think I'm going to audit my friends - and then quote the seasons sport by "you're outta here!"

I know many are saying how can I bash her like this - but I am very fustrated by such irresponsibility, and this time she took the cake!

Eight April Fools jokes on myself (in no particular order)

1) NPR is going to hire me for that editorial assistant job.

2) George W. Bush has decided to listen to the protesters in America and abroad and will withdraw the troops from Iraq.

3) George W. Bush admits that he did steal the 2000 election from Al Gore, and politely steps down as president, taking his entire administration with him.

4) My dad is back from the dead.

5) The bands Braid, Tsunami, Slint, Gang of Four, My Bloody Valentine, the Pixies and Nirvana are all back together. Any dead members only faked their demises.

6) George R.R. Martin has finally finished the next volume of A Song of Ice and Fire.

7) House majority leader Tom DeLay was hit by a bus, an era of fascism in American government is over.

8) Osama bin Laden disavows his past ways, turns himself and his cronies over to U.S. authorities. America is now safe.

Now, if only I could convince myself that all of these things are true (just as good April Fools jokes should), maybe I’ll actually have a good day for a change.

Though we might get flurries here in Connecticut later on today, snow is over for the season.

No more snow angels until the end of the year. Sorry.

I have a half-way decent substitute. Not as great as snow angels, but, they'll do for now.


They are just starting to bud all over my area. The crocus are starting to bud as well and soon the dogwood will be in bloom. Spring has sprung and I think we all need it badly this year.

With the war and the psychobabble dreams I've been having, the past two weeks have been dark and dreary. Seeing the flowers starting to pop has helped change my attitude a little. I hope they'll lift your spirits too. /msg me if you need a special "pick-me-up" bouquet and I'll "pick" you your own dozen and leave them for you on my homenode.

Just for today, though,

Daffodils for everyone!

Some April Fool's Day internet news, for posterity...

Unfortunately, Amazon didn't try and sell and dirt cheap PDAs again (even for a joke), and Glastonbury Festival really did sell 112,000 tickets in around 24 hours. Thankfully, Everything2 seemed pretty much normal, except that Brian Eno popped up a bit more than usual (hi nate!) and it looks alarmingly like thefez upped and left.

For all that it's April Fools' Day today, there doesn't seem to have been a whole lot of April Fooling going on. Maybe it's too childish; maybe it's a waste of time; maybe it's too mean-spirited. In any of these three cases, it's a perfect thing for me to do, and today I successfully executed the best April Fools Day joke I've ever even attempted.

And it was so simple! All it took was a single LiveJournal entry and my knowledge of the fact that my friends know how much I dislike it when they post lengthy journals about how miserable their lives are. Imagine, then, their surprise when out of the blue I posted this:

fucked up

the emptiest of feelings. sentimental drivel. clinging onto bottles. when it comes it's so so. dissapointing let down and hanging around. crushed like a bug in the ground. let down and haNGiNG around. shell smashed. juices flowing. wings twitch. legs are going. donT geT senTimental. it always ends up dRRiveLLLL.

-Radiohead, "Let Down"

I can tell this is going to be another miserable day.

Breakfast tasted like ashes. I hate this weather - I came up here expecting to be snowed on in the spring and it's fucking 56 degrees.

I don't know. I'm just getting to the point where I feel like everything I do is worthless. It's obvious that no one around here gives a shit about me - the only ones who do are hundreds or thousands of miles away and I don't tell them nearly often enough how much I appreciate them for liking me in spite of myself. I'm drifting away from the people who care the most about me.

How long have I been deluding myself (and apparently you too, dear readers)? No, screw that, let's just look at the facts. I can't write for shit. Can't dance, that's for sure. I'm no good at math, no matter what my friends tell me to make me feel better about myself. Ditto programming; why the hell do you think I use fucking Python? Can't play guitar - that's what the headphones are for. Sure as hell can't sing.

Oh, and what discoflamingo wrote a little while ago about being clever? Yeah, that was just about the closest anyone's ever come to understanding. Obviously I must just be cheerful as hell all the time because I have something witty to say! Simple as that! But you bought it, so I guess it must make sense. And I guess it must be easier than bothering to figure out the truth.

Yeah. I'll stop wasting your time now...

Happy April Fool's Day everyone.

I got some comments deploring my participating in the very whining I despise before I added that last sentence, and my mother called me on the phone and greeted me with "You are the most evil son ever." When my roommate got home I told him I had pulled off the best April Fools' Day joke of my life, and he said "Oh, that Livejournal? You fucker!" It was the proudest moment of my life.

All in a day's work. And now, thanks to the wonder of e2, this moment will be preserved long after I have grown up and deleted my Livejournal from the face of the planet.

Yes, I'm using a daylog to get to level 2, and trust me, I feel really bad about it. No, seriously. Just not bad enough not to do it.

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