While I'm only writing about this now, the actual events took place a week ago, so it could have gone under April 17, 2003, or even better...

How I kinda Accidentally Started The sorta Orgy

Short Form: I took my pants off.

Longer Form: First, it bears mentioning that my group of friends have a tradition, invented this year, called "pizza night", held on Wednesdays at 11 PM. Originally, the idea was to mimic what we thought of as regular people, spending a night with friends indoors, sober, eating pizza. Of course, as the weeks went by, the sober part kind of got chipped away - some wine one week, and then weed a few weeks later, and then finally hard liquor. This week was vodka.

I walked in at 11, and learned first, that I was three hours behind on the drinking, and second, that the night had been designated bukkake night, with a game of chicken between my girlfriend and my guy friends as to who was going to call the bluff. It didn't actually come to that (rimshot), but enough of us expressed willingness. This, however, was the kind of willingness you express sitting fully clothed on someone's bed with a wineglass of plastic-bottle vodka. I think that kind of willingness is boring, and I figured it couldn't hurt to show them up. So, about an hour, two slices, and a couple of shots later, I took my pants off. And most everybody else took off some clothes, whether to prove that they would or because it was the thing to do or because they were drunk, I don't know. Some fun, then another plateau. So I took my shirt off. Same response. By the time I would have come to the boxers, the thing had its own momentum. By 1 or so, there were 9 of us, 4 girls and 5 guys, though all the numbers varied somewhat as people came in and out (rimshot), mostly naked, and mostly getting on each other. I don't think I'll get into the details, but I'll say I don't think it was a true orgy, with too little partner-switching (we mostly stayed in the mated pairs we came in as), and only two people orgasmed. The music was horrible, going from overdone classical to neither-the-time-nor-the-place Tom Waits to, incredibly, the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack, which was put on by one of the few sober participants just to fuck with the rest of us. After a bit of fun, the whole thing dissipated around 3 for no reason I could determine.

So, what do I think of this? Well... I can't complain. I'd seen many of the people naked before - our dorm has a tradition of skinny-dipping in a plastic children's pool in the courtyard (the dorm also has a tradition of orgies, but that's another matter), but that was a surprisingly unsexual context. I think it did us good - bonding experience and all, weird as it was, and walking around the next day it was amazing how much submerged sexual tension we lacked, had something I never noticed when it was there. There was subtext, yes - the couple that had seemed to be trying, for a few weeks, to draw in another friend as third might still be trying, I certainly can't picture the night as having dashed those hopes, and the network of crushes on other people's SOs probably remained intact, but it wasn't something that wore on you. We had taken the first step of identifying each other as sexual beings and putting our cards on the table. Of course, everyone else who hadn't been there was abuzz for a day or two, but hey, let them talk. I enjoyed myself.

Aah, college. Aah, daylogs.

Hi, my name is "Pat" and I feel that the world is against me.

I also feel that only 10% of life is circumstance, and that the other 90% is how you react to it. In my own opinion, attitude is everything. Today was a prime example of this exact idea.

I always go to sleep late, it's an insomnia thing, you wouldn't understand. Because of this, I always wake up late. School starts, 20 minutes after I wake up. I dislike school to a very high degree. On my way out my door, it hits me: I forgot my math homework. Not the good forgot when I have to turn around and grab it, but the kind where you just didn't do it... at all. Keeping a good attitude, and trying not to destroy a small European nation in my rage, I decide I will do it before class in the ten minutes I always have.

To say the least, this did not work. My 1990 Jeep Cherokee is a well oiled and pampered machine. I love the thing (despite my better judgement), but it doesn't seem to love me in the same way. In fact, she tried killing herself as i was turning into my school. So there I am, in the middle of oncoming traffic with a mortally wounded vehicle. My sister freaks out. While I on the other hand bail out of the car and start pushing the car with one hand on the wheel and the other on the door frame inching it forward before anything large and car-like decides to touch me or my car at a high rate of speed. I'm calm, cool, collected, and completely in everyone's way.

So, there I am with my sister freaking out in the passenger seat and me trying to push a couple ton car up the incline that is the only entrence to the west parking lot. My sister, in her compasion and understanding at this point decides to get out as well... and go into the school while I'm pissing people off against my will or wishes. So finally, my friend Vince, who has a weak leg due to cancer, decides to give me a hand. This was of very little help to my cause. I'm going nowhere and fast.

So, about half way up this inclined parking row, what has no spaces left open to easilly place my car into, a kind teen in a lifted Bronco with extended axels and a rather nice set of bogging tires offers me a push. I'm feeling a little better, but I guess my homework is fucked now. I decide to sit behind my Jeep and work out most the assignment for five minutes with the possitive outlook, the worst being late could do is give me a detention.

So, I finally march into school, late as fuck and unable to purchuse my breakfast from the food lines. I get to class, and the teacher takes a look at my work reall fast and gives me full credit and no hassle over being late. First hour went fast due to my peachy-keen outlook on life. It's either that or i was late for it and simply wasn't there for half of it. I happily stroll along to my next hour's class.

Upon entering my second hour, I am instructed to turn in my essay on community networks. You know that one I had no clue was due today. What do I care about the effects of community networks on democracy in developing nations? Bah. I'm going to fail that class anyway, or atleast now I am. So what do I do to keep with my "attitude is everything" creed? I decide I should go to my senior prom this year, and I know just the girl to ask.

So, I'm talking to my friend Brad about this exact topin during my next passing period, and he likes the idea. In fact, he liked the idea so much that he asked her to prom just the hour before that on account that she would be an easy, friendly date for him to take. So now I'm pissed. Not because of my car. Not because of my homework. Not because of inconsiderate people. Not because of prom. But because I didn't have my damned chocolate milk that morning.

So after starving my way through third and fourth hour, I finally get a hot meal. It was Chicken Strip day in the lunch line, and I couldn't really complain. Most people bitch about the food, but it's not really all that bad. On top of that it's rather cheap and comes with a all my required vitamins and minerals for the day. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. My tummy's content, but now I've got this splitting head ache from the chronic gossips I sit with for lunch. I honestly don't care what you think Jill did to your locker last Tueday.

I meet my close friend Allsion between hours to talk a little and just recharge my batteries, but instead I had to run into my sister who left me for my car who seemed very keen on the idea of dying itself. My urge to kill began to rise swiftly, so I do exactly what any senior would do at that time... I go to fifth hour. In fifth hour, I was able to develop my film. I must say I am a rather good shot, and that consruction sites are great places to capture the elements of good composition. While in the darkroom, me and two other students smoke a bowl... of weed. Now, I'm calm, cool collected, and almost out of here.

After fifth and sixth hour I head out to my car and remember that my car is fucked and seems to have something against me. It's time to punish the vehicle that has sinned against me. I go back into school, and head to the theater. The drama club is practicing their one act plays and I just walk past them unnoticed. One might be confused about why I am going back stage when it is my car I should be tending to. The answer to your curiosity is that I'm stealing tools for the stage crew's secret cache. Bite me, where else am I going to get a 9/16 wrench, a screwdriver, and some plyers?

I end up replacing all six of my sparkplugs and my distributor cap in the parking lot and head home with a near-smooth ride. Pooped, pissed, and over all in a keen attitude from over-coming most the problems of the day I take a nap and forget about all the important things I need to do for tomorrow thus ensuring another day's worth of hardships.

Thank you dear noder for keeping up with me. Now fuck off.
A Night on the Velvet Couch

I could tell by that feral look in her eye that she was serious. The saying is old, a little trite, but I don't think that limits it's truth. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I took a second to consider my situation. Usually when your girlfriend threatens to kick your ass, you're thinking, woo-hoo, kinky sex! I admit, I did consider that. But then I also considered that she liked to wrestle her football player friends for fun. And that she made them cry for mercy. And they were from Texas. OK, so she was nothing to disregard. I often laughed my ass off watching her kick my friend's asses all over the room after a snide comment was directed her way. Now her fury was directed at me for the first time.

At this point I should let you know that people tend to underestimate me in all my 135 lb glory. Sure. It's an easy mistake, I'll grant you. She wasn't the first to make it. I'm sure she won't be the last.

"I'm gonna make you forget all about that little red-head." she hissed to me through a clenched jaw.

Fuck, this was starting to look serious.

'Who's the little red-head?' is the question I'm sure you're asking. This is the point of the story where I take on the role of the villain. I become the lecherous cheating asshole. An only too comfortable role for me unfortunately. Asshole that is. Cheating doesn't sit so well with my conscience. Let me go on a tangent.

The Little Red-Head

I blame the ecstasy. It was her first time at a rave (party for you actual ravers out there) and only my third time. I should mention it was also her first time doing X. She didn't take to it like most people, dancing or talking their asses off or becoming intimately fascinated with some obscurity. OK, so maybe she did. I just happened to be that obscurity.

"I know about your girlfriend. Don't worry, we won't do anything. We won't even kiss."

Damn she was convincing.

That's how I found myself laying practically inside a speaker (You never think this a good idea unless you're on hard drugs - rather, it has to be one of the first time you do hard drugs). The wub-wub of heavy bass suffused our bodies. Yes, she was laying directly on top of me. While we were not kissing, her lips were resting on mine as we were quietly breathing each other's breath while the world raged around us. As innocent as this sounds, it was only the beginning. Both girls soon knew about the other and so began my stupid juggling act.

Back to my ass-whooping

Did I say that she wanted blood? My blood? I could let her throw me around a little, and take my ass-whooping, but really, would she respect someone that she could abuse so easily? Maybe this is just my masculine pride or the dynamic of a heterosexual relationship. I don't know. I'm far from an expert on the subject. Something wouldn't allow me to get my ass-kicked by my girlfriend, whether I deserved to or not. As I'm debating the finer points of my internal argument, she lunges at me. No shit, her teeth were bared. My indecision was washed away in pure reaction.

I could see the surprise in her eyes when she realized that she couldn't easily overcome me. I basically played the defensive for a while. Easily keeping her from getting the upper hand. Slowly her rage was fueled by determination, and then frustration. She was not used to being thwarted. I could see the situation slowly getting out of hand. The release valve had to be somewhere. There had to be someway to diffuse this explosive situation.

I took the offensive. Much easier than she would have ever thought possible I had her pinned, arms disabled. Then I whispered.

"I love you. I'm sorry."

I moved in to kiss her softly. She thrashed her head and tried to get away from my lips. I continued to whisper. Slowly. Determined. Eventually she allowed a light kiss without attempting to break my face with her head. Ever so slowly, I kissed her cheek. I kissed her neck. I eased up on her. Gave her breathing room. Ever so slowly.

It took a pleasurable eternity before she responded even slightly affectionately. But that night was resolution. That night I held her in my arms and contemplated the rest of my life. I've never before then or since felt so close to another human being. Every so often that night still crops up in my thoughts, in my dreams.

I don't know if it is apparent at all, but I barely survived that year. Maybe I'll write down some of my other misadventures in future daylogs. Also, this story is true to the letter. I plan on messing around with fiction, but I will always let the reader know when that is.

Finally finished noding my play An American Book of the Dead - The Game Show after two and a half months, a labor of love and earnest archivism, if the slack voting it's been getting is any indication. I don't really mind though. I just like knowing it's out there, especially in these disturbed days, since the piece lays out what I love and hate most of about this country. I certainly understand most people taking a pass on clicking their way through two full riotous and bizarre acts of American history in game show form; for plays are meant to be seen not read, and if there are exceptions to this rule, this play is most certainly not one of them.

I wish I were writing something as ambitious now, but most of my time is soaked up looking after my 10 1/2 month boy, and what is left is committed to a couple of commissions that I'm pretty lukewarm about: one to write the book for a musical with existing music that is insipid at best, down right awful at worst; the other to write another science play funded by the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, only the funding's been delayed for months "due to the market" and pessimist that I am, I have no trouble doubting it ever will materialize. So I'm left with deciding whether or not to really dig in to the prodigious research that writing another ambtious science script would require. As it is, during any free moments I can scrape together I can barely tear myself away from my newfound guilty pleasure, Patrick O' Brian's Master and Commander. This science play idea is topical, so I can't really afford to delay the research, but then if the money doesn't come through, do I write the play on spec? Doubtful.

In a prior day log I speculated about leaving off writing altogether. Ouroboros warned me off this tack, saying 'Every time I've "taken a break" from writing it gets more difficult to start again. Not writing is the bad habit, just like smoking or credit card usage.' I'm not sure this holds true in my case though, since I haven't stopped writing since I started somewhere back in the early 80's. It almost seems like writing is the bad habit, not the converse. But until I clear up these commissions, I won't be able to launch on the experiment of living without writing, dubious as it may be.

Damned if you do... damned if don't...

Damned nation.

♪ Today Is My Birthday ♪
♪ Happy Birthday To Me ♪
♪ I'm 29 Again! Yes It's True! ♪
♪ Happy Birthday to Rancid_Pickle Too! ♪

Ok, ok, so I'm clearly not a poet! I tried!

E2 is handy for us USA West Coasters - we get to start our birthday's 7 hours early!!

My Birthdays were always great till about 10 years ago - after that I spent several really depressed. But not anymore - I'm doing great this year and not depressed at all :) I am heading for Montana in the morning.

I tend to get very nostalgic on my birthday - even when I was 18 I was nostaligic on my birthday! Thinking back to years past and the fun I used to have, and thinking about where I'd planned to be on that particular birthday 'life-wise'

I'd really like (for my birthday) - for those under about 35 to humor me and just pass the rest of this node on by, because I don't think you'll enjoy it and I don't wish to waste your time. Thank you, hug!!!!

For those 35ish+ still with me - I'd like to share a list I made for E2 when I was a brand-newbie... this list is derived from a question I posed to my friends at the tvclubhouse.com

The question was "Do you remember when....long haired freaky people need not apply?"

The answers kept me and my friends laughing and remembering for days.

So I compiled this list of answers, my own and theirs, to share with you. I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did and get a good laugh. If you have any suggestions for me to add to this list I'd love it - please /msg me!

Do you remember...

gum wrapper chains?
when bell bottoms first came out?
the "love ins" at Golden Gate Park in SF ?
Chatty Cathy dolls?
getting milk delivered every week to the front porch in real bottles?
paper dolls?
drive in theaters? drive in restaurants?
when roller skates had to be put on using a key?
wearing dog tags to kindergarten for identification?
when it wasn't scary to walk to school alone
or play outside under the street lights?
when hitch-hiking and picking up hitch-hikers was reasonably safe?
trick or treating when it was considered totally safe?
hiding under your school desks to prepare for a nuclear blast?
Green stamps?

Do you remember...

not worrying about locking the front door?
using knobs & dials to change channels and volume on the TV?
having to wait several minutes for the TV to warm up? sea monkeys?
cigarette ads on tv?
bandana halter tops? flip flops?
when you could buy a volkswagon beetle for $1995 and they threw in a 10 speed bike
chinese finger tortures?
when the most dangerous thing you could get from having unprotected sex was pregnant or a venereal disease?
Betsy Wetsy?
Velvet doll (with the long blond hair that grew)? and her big sister Chrissy?
getting a gift when you got a full tank of gas at a gas station?
party lines?
flower power?
Kent State?
when the population of Albuquerque, New Mexico was under 200,000?
love beads?
300-baud modems? when a 14.4 baud modem was considered FAST?
the fringed leather jackets and camel chaser shoes?

Do you remember...

marbles you played with instead of just collecting? Odds or Evens?
life before microwave ovens
doing calculations in chemistry class on a slide rule?
hokey pokey?
wearing Dittos?
Farrah Facett's hair?
full size lockers in school? (
5th grade "The movie" that only girls were invited to?
when we went to the moon and the whole world was watching?
klic klacs?
when all watches were analog
these little tiny plastic "dolls" they were about half an inch tall? they came in packs of 50? or was it 100?
saying "straight legs SUCK!!"
double dutching?
when AIDS was a diet chocolate.. not a life threatening disease?
when Ron Howard had hair and was a six year old son of Andy Griffin living in Mayberry?

Do you remember...

those goofy clear/colored laminate sheets for your black and white tv that had blue for the sky and green for the grass and a clear strip in the middle?
tie-dying shirts?
when it was ok to talk to a stranger, or be a stranger that was willing to help out?
Miss Merry Mack?
Dailing for Dollars? Name that Tune? Hee Haw?
Laugh-in, Smothers Brothers or the Beverly Hillbillies?
TRS 80 and Commodore 64's and when 64k was ALOT of memory?
peasant dresses and blouses?
John Kennedy's funeral?
full service gas stations - outside Oregon?
when pop rocks were all the rage?
learning to use an abacus in grade school?
the Patty Hearst kiddnapping / bank robbery?
when parent's could spank their kids and
when computers were huge machines in office buildings

Do you remember...

mood rings?
when the cost of a "coke" was raised from 7 cents to a dime
brownie cameras?
when it cost a dollar to go to the movies AND get refreshements?
nickel candy bars?
the NBC peacock with all the colorful tail feathers>
being taught in elementary school how to use a dial phone?
when McDonald's was only 2,000,000 served
when the Green Hornet and the Invaders were on TV?
LP's and 45's and 8 track tapes?
when uniform skirts had to touch the ground when you knelt down

Do you remember...

when pay phones went up to 10 cents? and a stamp when up to 7 cents?
when postcards cost a penny?
Puka shells?
the first typewriter that did it's own erasing?
making romper stompers out of coffee cans?
Jacob's ladder with string? 100 bottles of beer on the wall? Found a peanut . . . ?
Kick the Can? four-square? red rover red rover?
when Cracker Jack's had real toys in them?
gymsuits? the one peice snap-ups?
when sodas only came in glass bottles?
using a wooden spool with the 4 nails to make a long rope?

Do you remember...

the Trixx comercial and feeling bad for the rabbit?
the Mitch Miller Show?
when the underwear section of the Sears Catalog was 'naughty'?
ole mary mac mac mac all dress in black black black?
when penny candy was really a penny?
when mom's ALWAYS wore aprons? and spent how many hours a day ironing and darning socks?
when dad's always had a handkerchief in their pocket?
when they came out with erasable pens?
peanut jeans? Maxi skirts? hot pants? go go boots? Earth shoes?
when mom used to wrap our sandwiches in wax paper?
the original Mr. Potato Head - where you used a real potato?
when they came up with beltless pads?
Cabbage Patch Kids? Qbert? the Rubicks Cube?
bloomer gym outfits>
Magic Rocks?
when shag carpet was cool
squirt gum? gold nugget gum?
Conjunction junction...what's your function?
romper room?
when children were 'seen but not heard'?
flash bulb and cubes for cameras?

and finally...

Do you remember when we thought 35 year olds were "OLD"? :)

First date.....ever

It's eleven o' clock at night and only half an hour ago I was sitting acros from one of the most beautiful girls I have ever known. My excitement from the after-effect hasn't worn off and I hope it never does.

Tonight, I anticipated, but I didn't know what to expect. Things I might say or do kept reeling in my mind; I must remember to open the door for here. I must pay for the meal. Smile. Don't crack any stupid jokes. Talk as friends. Don't make it sound like a business meeting. As all this went through my head; I had an incredible sense of peace. I calmed down.

I arrived at Church. I went upstairs with all the thoughts still racing in my mind. Tonight was my youth group meeting. Our youth pastor talked about DATING. I felt like fingers were being pointed directly at me. What could be worse then your youth pastor giving a sermon on dating the night you go out on your first date? Pastor Mike didn't say it was wrong and he was talking mostly to younger students (I'm a Senior in High School). It actually made me feel more confident about the date.

Youth service ends. As I get up out of my seat, I look around the room and I see her. She is talking to her friends. My heart skips a beat and I take a breath. She radiates with beauty and joy. We talk, then decide where to go. To play it safe we decided to take a couple people along, some mutual friends. Before we go I help one of my friends jump start his car in the pouring rain, because the idiot left his lights on. I forgive him though.

We all arrive at a coffee shop only to find it's closed, so we went to the next best thing: Village Inn. We were shown to our tables. The two people we dragged along sat at one table, while Kari and I sat at another. As I looked at her, I had a sudden urge to take both of her hands and hold them in mine. To touch her. I held back that urge though.

After ordering, we just talked. I told her how I felt about her and where I think our relationship is going. At first it sounded like a business proposition, but things loosened up after awhile. We talked and talked and it was exciting and weird to feel so connected to someone. I'm talking about a kid who is 18 and has not once really layed his feelings out for a girl to see. I felt like a door was being opened. Like I was a newborn fawn who had been cooped up in a little pen for way too long and finally the gate is opened and the fawn gets to romp in an open field.

I can't wait to see what's in store for Kari and I. She absolutely wonderful and I feel privledged to have my first date with such a wonderful person. BTW: This was her first one too.

I thank all of you E2 people who encouraged me and gave me some great advice.

Oh the joys of working in a finacial instuition and dealing with auditors. There are so many different types of audits you have to go through, internal audits, external audits and even audits by the FDIC.

One of the areas that we were lacking was in the full system save of the AS/400 that runs the banking software. (Acutally I think they are now called i-series servers, by IBM). So last night was the scheduled monthly save, trying to meet auditors and just common sense. So I posted an email to staff to let them know and also posted a message on our online bank.

Thinking I had all the bases covered I decided to get started, but one more check of the email before I began the 2 and half hour process. Oh an email from the CEO of the bank, what she's upset the online banking pages will be down for 2 and half hours???? Why can't we do this off hours??? You mean there will acutally be a time where customers cannot access thier free service???

You have to understand, I work in a small bank, under $200 million in assests, we don't have several people that come in at all hours of the night or even could share the time.And this is also something that you can't do remotely or schedule as it has to be run from the system console. In fact, the system has to be in a restricted state in order to garuntee everything functions, this means even the TCP/IP subsystem has to be stopped. So you can't connect besides the console.

If I came in at 3:30 in the morning once a month, that would be one day out every month the computer department would not work a full day at the bank and lord help em if there's a problem cause I will be at home probablly taking a nap. Thats right, I am the computer department for the bank. Before I started here in September, everything was done by a consulting company. I do mean everything from needing a password reset to installing a new program to troubleshooting something was done by a consultant.

So I had to then prove through reports when the best time of day to run everything was and how long it would take. I mean for cryin' out loud its a simple backup that is very very important. If it doesn't happen there's a chance we don't have a good copy of the entire operating system, the bank program and the specific changes we have had made to it, along with the more important bank information. This means we are out of jobs as we can't service customers and let them have thier money. ARGH.... it is a simple backup, just let it happen and get done with it.

204 hours have now elapsed since the last cigarette.

It's probably wrong to, but I can't help feeling slightly inwardly proud that I've coped pretty well with the cold turkey approach. Support from friends and folks in these parts certainly helps, as does my sheer bloody-mindedness and stubbornness. I'm not one to let myself fall without a struggle.

At my usual rate of 14 cigarettes a day, I've missed out on around 120 cigarettes since I quit. 120. I can't decide if that seems like a lot or not. If I look at it as saying I've said no to temptation 120 times since I quit, that's no' too bad, I reckon. In the meantime, I've saved myself the cost of six packs of fags, or about £27. OK, so I spent just over 60 quid on CDs at the weekend, but it's not just about the money, and hey, I spend too much on CDs in any case. I can't imagine trying to give that habit up... just don't go there, alright.

According to BBCi, my blood pressure and pulse have returned to normal levels already, I am finding breathing easier, and my energy levels have increased. This all seems fairly accurate, although what BBCi fails to mention is the near-insomnia which I can only attribute to my body and brain expecting nicotine late at night and early in the morning. This morning, in fact, was the first since I quit, I think, that I have switched my alarm off after it started bleeping at me, rather than before.

"Whatever you do don't forget to reward yourself regularly for not smoking"

Oh, don't you worry, I wouldn't dream of forgetting. My first reward is the not at all ironic cigar I shall gently and occasionally puff tomorrow to help my friend and former house-mate celebrate the occasion of his wedding.

But how can you profess to give up smoking, and then reward yourself with a cigar, idiot?

Simple. It depends on what the purpose of denying myself all these cigarettes is. And by that, I mean, it depends on what I think I can gain, and why I am doing it. I don't care what you think about smoking, quitting, defeat, or any of that stuff. I'm quitting because even though it's something I enjoy for the most part, I know it's damaging me, it's damaging others, it's damaging my wallet, and certainly damaging the opinion others have of me (not that on the whole I care if you disapprove of smoking, after all you have annoying habits too, but in your defence they're just not as obvious and in my face as smoking). One day I hope to become a father, you know, and I'd rather have gone through the pain of giving up before that happens, rather than when it happens.

But the point of giving up is not to punish myself for my sinful smoking addiction. I'm not (very) masochistic, and if I fail, there will be no self-flagellation. It's just to feel better, spend less, maybe lessen the chances of smoking-related diseases. And you know what, I can do all that and still smoke a cigar every now and then, just like someone on a diet can treat themselves by having a little of something not dissimilar to what they fancy every now and then.

And if you don't understand the difference between smoking 14 cigarettes a day and smoking (probably only part of) one cigar every now and then, well, you're not now, and you never have been a smoker. But that's OK, I won't hold it against you.

But there will be other rewards, too. For instance, again according to BBCi, after stopping for 3 months:

"erections are harder and sperm count is higher"
Well, that's just a reward in itself, isn't it now.

Too much information.

And I've just remembered that I'm still in shame, after locking myself out of my house on Friday, and attempting to break in with firstly a couple of bits of scaffolding, and having failed to break the front door glass that way, with the time honoured credit card method. I now have cuts on my hands, and a broken Switch card ("You've been sitting on this, haven't you", said the teller at the bank. "Yes, but I'm not going to admit to how it really got broken". "You tried to pick a lock with it, didn't you." It wasn't even a question. "Maybe", I muttered. Am I that obvious?).

And now I'm off to my local branch to listen to some safes clicking.

Todays smoking info, and more besides, can be found at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/mens/life_smoking.shtml

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