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I was able to get this world EXCLUSIVE interview with Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, head of the Springfield Kwik-E-Mart. This is a rare moment, as Apu is a very private person.

Zari: Obviously, the burning question on everyone's mind is this; Are you really head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

Apu: That is a very interesting question indeed. I am not the head of the entire Kwik-E-Mart chain, but I did purchase this single Kwik-E-Mart. So, I am the head of this Kwik-E-Mart.

Z: What about the recent Squishee controversy? Is it true that you've been watering down the Squishie mix?

A: Oh that is a lie, all a lie I tell you! You will not find a better Squishee at another Kwik-E-Mart, anywhere. Those people who are saying these things, oh they must be confused.

Z: How about the allegations that you were also serving tofu dogs to people instead of the regular meaty hotdogs that most people expect? Is that a lie too?

A: Oh yes, that is a lie too. I serve only special Kwik-E-Mart hotdogs. I do not serve tofu. Why must you keep asking me these questions?

Z: Well, the people want to know... so I'm asking the questions that are on everyone's mind.

A: Oh you are a bad bad woman, you are. You only want to slander Apu and the Kwik-E-Mart name! I will not stand for this. Out, out! Out of my store! And give me back that Squishee!

Z: But, but...

Tape is cut off here

As you can see, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is not ready to answer the tough questions. He is, however, the head of the Kwik-E-Mart. A lone man, standing tall against the tide of consumers high on a Squishee sugar rush, defending the Kwik-E-Mart name to his dying day. Apu, we salute you!

The Nodeshell Rescue Team likes Squishees.

Actually, this node title is an actual Simpsons reference. Apu lost his job at the Kwik-E-Mart, so he had to go to the original Kwik-E-Mart in India to ask for his job back. The original Kwick-E-Mart was atop a giant mountain with a very narrow entry (Homer remarked, "that's not very convenient.")

And so, when Apu and Homer entered the very first Kwik-E-Mart in India, the founder of the Kwik-E-Mart, being ever-so-wise, said, "You have three questions."

Homer used up all three:
"Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?"
Yes. Thank you, come again.

At this point Homer and Apu are kicked out and Apu for one is pissed.

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