Scientists say World's Gall Supply on the Rise
While oil prices keep rising and forests, arable land supplies and water become increasingly scarce scientists say that at least one natural resource is increasingly available ---- Gall. "While gall supplies suffered a temporary slip in the mid forties with the defeat of Nazi Germany and Japan, the world's supply of gall has been on a steady upward rise," said Department of Energy scientist Dr. Fermez LesBouche. "The trend has spiked really as we have uncovered fresh supplies of gall to replace others that have been depleted, such as Libyan leader Muammar Quaddafi. "
Most scientists agree that the end of the Cold War and increasing detente led to a temporary reduction of available gall. UN Sanctions eventually choked off Quaddafi, who had previously been the world's primary gall source. But what pleases is them is the increase in new sources of gall, many of whom are domestic. "The Middle East has long been seen as a primary source of gall, particularly after Mussolini was strung up," said noted defense analyst Anthony H. Cordesmann. "When Quaddifi yeilded to international pressure and the passing many believed the world's gall supply nearly used up. Even the U.S. war against Saddam Hussein was seen as suppressing the gall market. But it hasn't turned out that way." Cordesmann points to the ability of al Quaeda leader Osama Bin Laden's continued gall production from his lair in a Pakistani cave. And the war helped spawn and even larger gall reserve in the form of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. "The rise of Ahmadinejad was an amazing bonus and a surprise," reported British Petroleum spokeman David Kay. "We really thought that with Saddam down gall prices would rise to the stratosphere. What a windfall he has been!"
But many really credit the forward thinking policies of the Bush Administration and other conservative leaders for the recent surge in gall supplies. By supporting an unsuccessful coup d'etat against Venezuelan leader Ceasar Chavez the Administration created conditions leading to removal of all known ceilings to Venezuelan gall production. "The truths is that conservative leaders for years have been working quietly behind the scenes to increase gall supplies, and then to put them to work for worthy causes," said Hoover Institution fellow Victor Davis Hanson. "It really began in the late nineties with the rise of right wing talk radio. Talk radio hosts like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh provided a steady increase of gall on their own, and their tireless work led to an increase in gall among the general population. Now the ordinary American can stand up and feel pride in their own personal gall.
But church leaders are not willing to cede their pride of place in the race to supply more gall. "The Lord God almighty has caused us to speak out and proclaim the truth to all, " said Reverend Timothy Teabagger of the 1st United Free Will Pentacostal Baptist Church. "The Lord spoke to me and said that so long as we shalt keep our legs crossed, the Lord will continue to bless us with all the gall we need."
The Bush administration itself has served as primary supplier of gall. From the beginning of his first Presidential primay campaign where John McCain was accused of fathering a mixed-race baby, George Bush and his staff have acted in a way designed to ensure high gall production. A recent capstone came when former White House counselor Karl Rove appeared on the Charlie Rose show to declare that 'the untold story of the war in Iraq' was how the Congress pushed the White House to hurry toward war. Though a few contemporary reports dispute Rove's claim, there can be no doubt that it was made by a man confident in the both present and future gall supplies.
Even the President himself has provided leadership on that ground. President Bush himself said "So long as I'm President American will take second place to no nation in gall." Recent meetings with French President Nicolas Sarkozy indicate both leaders remain confident in America's gall superiority. Both leaders issued a joint statement declaring that: "America is the most galling nation on earth."
With domestic gall production through the roof, and rising international sources scientists say that the world need have no fear that we will soon run out of gall.