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This fun little means of wasting time beats melting crayons on the radiator any day. I suppose it would work with other flying insects like wasps or dragonflies, but I've never tried it and bees work well because they have lots of horsepower and they look cool.

  1. Capture a bee, but be careful, 'cause bees cause some people, like me, to... uhh... die.
  2. Place the bee in a ziploc bag and put it in the freezer or some other cold location.
  3. Check on the bee every minute or so and take it out after it has stopped moving
  4. Take a very thin length of thread and tie one end onto the junction between the thorax and abdomen of the bee. Be careful not to tear its wings.
  5. Wait for the bee to thaw out.
  6. Marvel at your ability to exploit the wonders of nature for your own amusement. Go take the bee on a walk or sick it on your enemies or something.
  7. If you actually don't want to send the bee to its grave just so you can save yourself from a few minutes of boredom, follow the previous steps in reverse to return nature to its original order.

Where did I get this idea, you ask? Just watch the skateboard video CKY2K.

Some say that the further North you go in Britain, the friendlier folk are. Now I'm not going to be drawn into internecine war on this, but I do tend to agree. Certainly, our recent holiday took us up through Northumberland on the way to Scotland, and we met some charming people during our travels.

However friendly the people were, the animals were friendlier yet. En route to the third campsite (Selkirk) we stopped near Wooller to take a hill walk by West Horton. The walk was pleasant enough, despite my girlfriend freezing in terror at the sight of an adder which poured its way through the heather in front of my feet, but the best encounter was during the walk back down toward the car.

The walk was enlightened by a honey bee, who accompanied me for about a mile along the road. Bees, I know, are frequently attracted to yellow clothing, but my fleece is purple, and the only yellow about me was a tag hanging from the collar. This little creature flew several times around my head, hovered before me as if to take a close look at my face, then landed on my back and sat for a while as I walked, before taking off and flying round me again. I have little fear of wasps and bees (wasps have crawled over me on many occasions without stinging), in fact I have quite a fascination with the little blighters. This, however, was the first time one of them had such a fascination with me.

I could quite clearly see every feature as she flew about, or sat down on my sleeve - her little furry body, each tiny hair quite distinct. Her pollen-laden legs, her bright compound eyes, her strong transparent wings - all of this she showed to me. For about fifteen or twenty minutes, we kept up this mutual observation and closeness. I fancied that she had quite taken a shine to me, and when at last she flew off into the fields, I missed her. I have never known such attention from any insect, and am still curious as to what caused her fascination.


I am well aware that a worker bee is a neuter drone. (sui says "worker bees are actually undeveloped females, as in preteen"). However, I find it hard simply to refer to Eerriicc as "it" - after all, in terms of her lifespan, the time we spent amounted to the human equivalent of one to two weeks.

It's a sweltering hot July day. You and your friends sit around, complaining that you're bored and the freezer has run dry of Popsicles. Eventually you can't stand the boredom anymore and everyone decides it's better to boil to death outside than it is inside. As you step outside you notice a rather large bumblebee buzzing about. You think back to today when you read this writeup and realize your life isn't complete without a pet bee.

How to acquire a pet bee

What you'll need

  1. A rather large length of string
  2. 1 cup or glass
  3. 1 piece of paper
  4. A fairly large bumblebee (other species will work, but not as well).

What you do

Go outside with cup and paper in hand and try to locate a large bumble bee buzzing hither and thither. Carefully attempt to trap the bumblebee in the glass by placing the paper over the cup when it's inside. Now, take the bee inside your house and place it in the freezer with the paper on the mouth of the cup. Set it in there and leave him there for a good five minutes (too long and the bee will die. Too short and you'll get hella-stung). Once the bee is in a state of suspended animation, take it out of the freezer and go back outside. Dump the bee out of the glass and get the string. Quickly tie the string around the abdomen of the bee making sure the string hasn't trapped either of its wings to its body. Once this step is done, hold onto the string and set the bee in the sun. Soon the bee will regain consciousness and begin to fly again. Now you have a bee on a string. Have fun!

I suppose that constitutes a pet...right?


Note: I do not recommend anyone trying this that is allergic to bees! Use your own judgment! Also note that having a pet bee does not alleviate any sort of discomfort from heat.

By the way... This isn't supposed to offend any Animal Rights Activists either. It's just a little something I decided to put up because who knows, maybe someone someday will want to know.

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