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Manufactured pop music (idea)
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(
idea
)
by
BlueJayW
Sun Apr 14 2002 at 5:35:44
BlueJayW's easy 9-step half-baked recipe for Pre-manufactured Pop
Tarts
Stars
Gather
Board
for a meeting new ideas on how to cater to the youth and increase value of company for shareholders.
Set up
TV talent searches
that you can find on late LATE night on the more obscure channels, or nowadays on
primetime
. Additionally, you can seek out the kids by looks,
advertising
actors/actresses and models work especially well. This step is actually optional, as you could already seek out kids that have established themselves in the
TV
/
Movie
industries.
Attract every other kid who can sing a few bars on-key, while promising big
money
, bigger
prizes
, and the biggest
contracts
for their potential singing talent AND photogenic looks. "
The cuter they are, the better they can sing
"
Under NO circumstances are record companies to seek out
garage bands
who actually have some skill in playing any instruments. All "artists" shall have their music track provided by the record company's
in-house
band or a nice
MIDI
setup, the "artists" simply need to provide the voices.
Get the
recording industry
to produce a
cookie cutter song
that is mostly similar, yet slightly different from all the rest of the Pop music playing on the
radio
, or just redo an
oldie
to a hip new beat of today.
Add water. Mix thoroughly. Bake in preheated oven at 350° for 30 minutes.
Spend millions in
airtime
pumping the radio stations to play the brand new "
smash hit
" single by this new group that has just been formed.
Spend even more millions in getting these kids to appear in cameos on the
prime-time sitcoms
.
???
Profit!
When record sales are off, either get them to produce new
fodder
(and only if the producers are feeling lucky), or repeat cycle and let the "one-hit wonder" be relegated to the used CD bin at the local record store.
dumbing down
Lowest common denominator
I bet you they won't play this song on the radio
Patterns in Popular Music
How I used Napster to ruin the life of the most popular kid in high school
bubblegum pop
The next revolution in music has not yet arrived
Paul McCartney cannot read or write sheet music
Spice Girls
I'll take the red pill
Max Martin
Boy/girl/other bands and why they're good for real musicians
Britney Spears
dance
Nirvana
Would you like fries with that?
I Know an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly
Backdoor Boys
The Boy Band Conspiracy
Diplomatic Immunity
Matchbox Twenty
Music
pity this busy monster,manunkind,
S Club 7