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Hans Moleman (idea)
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(
idea
)
by
Pessimistic Views
Tue Feb 06 2001 at 3:38:29
Misfortune
s of
Hans Moleman
Gets his
driver's license
voided by
Selma
at the
DMV
.
Is
attack
ed by birds at the bird sanctuary (a la Hitchcock's
The Birds
).
Crash
es a truck full of
sugar
.
While
transport
ing the house of
Edgar Allen Poe
, Homer runs him off the road,
result
ing in his truck bursting into
flames
.
His
AMC Gremlin
bursts into flames after he crashes it into a
tree
.
Buried alive at the
cemetery
.
His
eyeglasses
magnify the sun causing intense heating and his shirt catches on
fire
.
Gets sent to the
electric chair
.
Mr. Burns
bores a drill hole in his
head
to catch his
lucky charms
.
Is left behind an operating
X-ray
machine for a
weekend
.
His food
business
is shut down by the
Mafia
.
His car gets stuck into the side of
Planet Hype!
.
Homer
hits him over the head with the book
How to Tunnel Out of Prison
.
Gets
suffocated
by a giant bubble.
Homer throws a poisonous
pastry
at him.
Gets hypnotized into thinking that The Simpsons are his family.
Fall
s down a flight of stairs at a
hockey
game.
Has five minutes of his life
stolen
when he is locked inside of the
Quick-E-Mart
.
Gets
drag
ged away by men in
white coats
at the
Springfield Retirement Castle
when he asks, "Didn't that movie used to have a war in it?" after viewing an "
Edited for Seniors
" version of
Gone With the Wind
.
Gets
threat
ened by a
pushy New Yorker
.
Gets
reject
ed at the
bachelor
auction.
Nearly blinds everybody in the museum when he uses
flash photography
to take a picture of Springfield's famous
Largest Cubic Zirconia In the World
.
And
countless
others...
Man Getting Hit by Football
Microsoft BOB
Edna Krabappel
Wrinkled earlobes are a sign of impending heart attacks
Zippy the Pinhead
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
Asian pride
All my favorite people live in this box that I look at every day
Dan Castellaneta
Larry 'Bud' Melman
AMC Gremlin
bastard
I do not particularly like the Simpsons
Mothman
The Mole People
Jasper
glasses
Hans Sloane
The world's largest ant colony
McBain
Groin
Apu
Springfield
Mole Man