More Help On How To Rock in General
People say that rocking can’t be taught. Not only is this not true but it’s completely false. True Rocking can be difficult to catch if you weren’t born with it but it’s there, the fickle mistress waiting to be taken by those with true grit.
And we’re chalk full of that!
Go down to your local record store. Notice I said local and not Circuit City, if you want to be a rocker you’re going to have to go local, nothing is more punk rock than supporting your local stuff. So go to that local record store and try not to look too much like a fanboy. Go to the ROCK section and find Motörhead – try Ace of Spades it’s a good one to get your newbie feet wet on. Check out that cover! Notice that all the members of the band look like a more biker version of Antonio Banderas in Desperado. Taking your band photo on a mountain top is so rock that it’s almost a requirement. Some statistics say that every mountain in the world is on some album cover except for Everest and Kilimanjaro1.
It’s just something I heard.
After absorbing a fraction of Motorhead’s powers by staring at the record cover for a few moments flip it over. You’ll probably notice that the three band members are showcased in cool individual circles with their names underneath. You’ll probably also noticed that only one of them goes by one name and one name alone.
LEMMY.
Say it not until you are ready for this is the only name you need know to succeed in rocking. But don’t worry – I’ll show you more.
Just don’t forget LEMMY. Got it? Good.
Now, we’re going to try something lighter. Something that’s a little easier to swallow. We’re going to try Journey. I know what you’re thinking, probably something like, “Hey, I know them.” Well, you probably do know them but do you know them, know them? Have you ever let the soothing lyrical stylings of one, Steve Perry (also my High School band teacher's name – weird huh?) wash over you in a wave of awesome? Probably not. Your best bet, in this case, is to get a greatest hits album. That’s what Journey is for and everyone knows what this album looks like. It’s got a bizarre beetle thing with wings on the front which probably means something but who cares – we’re rocking! Play “Anyway You Want It.” It’s good isn’t it? Now play it again. The thing about Steve Perry is that you can’t understand every word but you get the idea. Again, this is practically a requirement for lead singers. If you can understand everything they’re saying than it’s not rock it’s folk. Steve Perry’s voice is beautiful and if your singing along with him in the car, you probably sound just like him.
An interesting fact about the name “Perry” is that seems to be tied closely to music. My High School band teachers name was Steve Perry; also the same name of the kick-ass lead singer of Journey. Then there’s Perry Farrell of Jane's Addiction (also a rocking band with hard to understand lyrics.) Plus there’s Perry Como and Perry Mason who was known to sing on occasion.
Something else I heard.
We’re gonna go British for a moment. It’s an important step to rocking; recognizing our friends across the ocean and what better band to do this with than The Clash. London Calling is a perfect album from a perfect band. If you push play, within five minutes your lip will be curled in a sneer, your chest will be jutting out and you’ll be stamping your heel to the beat of one of the greatest bands ever. The thing about The Clash is, now you’re punk rock and you’re just plain rocking because this is an undisputed band. They rock and everyone knows it and now you know it too.
That’s three items of rocking under your studded belt and you’re well on your way to hair down to your ass-crack and faded, black band T-shirts that reek with the sweat of a dedicated roadie. I don’t want to keep you from air guitars and shower solos but I do have a few more points of interest to throw at you.
1. geneva says by the way. Kilimanjaro is pictured on a Teardrop Explodes single, "Kilimanjaro," but then, they're not all that Rawk.