give hope to the drowning if you do not intend to save them. I want to be like Maude
: good, go love some more
. But i'm not dying, i don't have an easy out.
Just because i say, maybe someday, when you have self-respect, and can talk to me - this doesn't mean i think you can change overnight. I think you can't. You've tried before.
So don't tell me you've been happy all day, for the first time you can remember, and don't ask if you can stay if you manage to be happy all week. I'm glad you're finally happy. But yesterday you said you would sleep on the train tracks if you had to live without me, and this is not cool. I'm not interested in bargaining. Stop trying to change my mind. I wish it was like the movies, where you can shout That's it!, throw a bag over your shoulder, and slam the door. But there's nowhere to go. So i have to be patient until you have to leave, and try not to think of where you will end up. And it's when you tearfully say, "It's like you don't care anymore" that i have to admit, despite the wall i've been building, that i do.
I haven't been alone for a long time. On the trip i was always with the group. Since i've been home, i've been working, or you have been standing on my shadow, trying to change my mind. I need to stretch.
I want to go visit Scott, but when i get to the door, it's shut. I can see people are inside, but i am overcome with shyness and can't knock. I walk away.