Was it something I said? Just say what it was, and I'll take it all back. I'll do whatever it takes to make amends. Surely your mother has forgotten those little words by now, or at least has come to understand that a man can't be held to the things he says after six beers. Besides, we all know she didn't adopt that stray dog until long after you were born.

Was it something I did? Just say what it was, and I'll make it better. I'll repair that picture window with my own two hands. I'll re-upholster that Lay-Z-Boy out of my own pocket. I'll replace the goldfish, reattach the toilet seat, and paint over every last bathroom stall in the city if I have to. It'll be just like it never was, I promise.

Was it something I forgot? Just say what it was, and I'll never forget it again. I'll tattoo your birthday onto my arm, our anniversary onto my leg, your parent's vacation onto my hip, our next dinner reservation onto my... well, somewhere. A man can forget seven dates in a row and still remember the eighth, you know. We all deserve another chance.

Was it something you needed? Just say what it was, and I'll have it for you tomorrow. If it's your car, I'll have it bought back. If it's your underwear, I'll have it all bleached. If it's your stereo, I'll find that pawn shop dealer if it takes me a year.

But this silence, it hurts me. I can't take it any longer. Please, please don't leave me like this.

Or at least bring me some superglue solvent, so I can get this copy of your restraining order off of my forehead.