Here's the stuff we found when you searched for ""Oh GAAAWD, I had a shitty day, Zacha! Ugh! This was...this was just heinous! I have no clue how the FUCK he gets off being like this, but--""

• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
• I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy
• She didn't write like Emily Dickinson, but she did live in a house overlooking a cemetery, and I guess he thought that was important.
• I don't know where he gets his words but I like them
• Oh, no. Look, you've gone and made me optimistic. I was before, but now it is showing.
• How many lives could have been saved had we just said "Please" more often?
• That icky feeling when a client calls with a downed server and you have no clue how to fix it
• Now that there is no hell, evil folks like you just get reincarnated as McDonald's register jockeys
• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• That's Just How He Was
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• i might look like a grown person, but i'm just a tiny confused scientist
• They made the sunrise for people like us just so we have an excuse for why we're still up.
• That was what her hunger was like: mesmerizing, directed, floating like a public secret just under the cloud cover.
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• Mr. Lunch liked to chase birds. In fact, he was a professional.
• before the internet when teen had REAL relationship the boy could look at the girl and judge the diameter of her thorax with his feelers and determine whether the mating ritual could commence but NO MORE. evil woman use her computer sorcery
• The "How many partners have you had" question
• We have divided among us, like thieves, the treasure of nights and days.
• I am no doubt moving. The question now is not where, but how. My life changes everyday. Big deal.
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• Strange man makes permanent visit
• How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.
• The sound was starting to get stuck in my head like "It's a Small World"
• The day I realized what being alive was
• not like the shoe and not like the ring but just like the heart
• Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel no compulsion to get up from the table
• I don't know what he was listening for, but he wasn't listening
• He was like the bottle of Champagne Krug
• These rugs will unite this country like no other rugs have before
• There was just the magic I'd brought and laid there over the years, piled up in the corners like twinkling dust bunnies
• No, but I'll have a beer
• i wish i felt like teaching today, but i just want to be selfish
• He stretched out his arms but she was not there
• Seems I might have stolen the blue part of her rainbow, but all I really did was make it bigger, a way bigger blue
• But alas, I have no badger to offer you
• I just called to say your brother fucks like a mink
• I was expecting it to hurt like a fuck
• It is safe to say that I'm going to get my payback if he is anything like me.
• AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-God will eventually get everybody's money, and no one will have to get shot
• How does the Military Selective Service Act apply to individuals who have had a sex change?
• He was born with the gift of logic but the inability to use it
• This is just pure cool! It's cryptic, mystical, lovely. I had no choice!
• I just submit to one or two days of horror for going out and playing at being a normal functioning person
• how loud to you have to be to put out a housefire with just your voice
• Life is material; you just have to live long enough to figure out how to use it
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
• She had become a mutton for punishment and he was a wolf
• I love you but you are not here, oh how my poor heart aches with angst
• If you don't know how to make a mu, you have no business measuring quantities that small.
• Jesus was a reactionary reformer, just like Martin Luther in later years.
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• but you had his eyes and that was sort of almost enough
• But I have seen the sun just once
• How Gudrun cast herself into the Sea, but was brought ashore again
• The Marlboro Man died of cancer, but he wasn't a rocket scientist when he was healthy, ha ha ha.
• We had no bait but our tongues
• I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
• When you get to the top, I know what it'll seem like. But there IS someone there. There IS someone there.
• The real horror was not what had been redacted, but the reasons why.
• if you buy into the wizard's bullshit, soon you're all standing waist-deep in things you didn't even know could exist and no one has any clue how to stop him
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• but fuck, it was Sunday and the church bells hadn't even called the faithful
• in this world there are no equals but some day you will surpass me
• I was pretty sure that wasn't how slasher films were supposed to end, but you won't see me complaining.
• Everytime I get XP, I feel like I have to save my game
• You had to pretend success was fucked
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• Stoned music memories
• Some vampires actually get pissed when you tell them to Have A Nice Day
• Some days are magic, and I can do anything. The other days, I just have to wait, and hope it comes back.
• The ones with their priorities straight don't know how to get what they want, and the ones who get what they want have messed up priorities.
• They call you heartless, but you have a heart, and I love you for being ashamed to show it. You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb.
• Why couldn't it have been an action picture that had just started?
• How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
• It's not so much that I like him as a person God, but as a boy he's very handsome
• I was wrong as a child, to think old people were stupid for asking me where the day had gone. Now I understand... we older people do not live.
• I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
• why I do have to get so deep with people all the time just to gently let them down 2 weeks later
• How to say "No" and have people listen
• He makes me feel alone just by being there
• When I was young Time had no wings
• I may not have had enough of me but I've had enough of you
• Sex and death have both spat me out like spoiled milk for the same reason. I was not afraid.
• no exact amounts since I have no idea how many people you feed
• What is it like to have a crush on someone?
• No matter how wise an old sheep, he can't teach a fish how to polevault
• Sympathy for the Mongols & How The Rise of the West was just sheer Dumb Luck
• Your radical ideas about this being like David Foster Wallace have already occurred to others.
• Let's shoot Cupid, see how he likes it
• How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
• How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
• There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how
• Just because it's Usenet is no excuse to forget how to punctuate
• Just how perfect was Jesus?
• Often I feel like I am just shouting my observations into a raging storm and no one hears
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• Our obsessions almost killed me, but now here we are, talking like normal human beings
• I worry that no matter how hard I pray, you'll always be just out of my reach
• I had no idea what he thought about me.
• I don't think I realized what I had gotten myself into, but it seemed like the potential for fun and insanity were there in equal parts
• Getting the most out of being a temp
• I am sorry but when you were talking I was admiring the shape of your lips and evaluating their kissability
• I love you, but you've just got to leave and not come back. Ever.
• Spikey the Werm may be a Werm, but he's got quite an imagination nonetheless!
• no ideas but in things
• Somebody told me a story. It was pretty but boring. It was Saturday night, my stories usually end up that way.
• She really does want to clap along, but at the same time she doesn't want to let the bird get out.
• But I Like You
• I had names for all of those places, but I can't remember them
• Like hating water, but living in the lowlands
• When you have a trip planned, but don't go, you need to cancel your reservations
• Neutron-bomb landscape, lights gleaming but no sign of humanity
• O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!
• Christians don't believe that "being good" gets anyone into Heaven
• They do not know how immortal, but I know
• I'm not religious, but I think I have a close relationship with God
• I get knocked down, but I get up again
• I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
• Swim with the fishies, but remember you have wings
• The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!
• I love you but I have to let you go
• strange and too short but I was lonely
• Cheers, my lips have frozen but hemlock goes down easy
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• The body's alive, but no head. I'm having a lot of trouble accepting it.
• we ain't got no money, honey, but we got rain
• my love in your garden grows, but let's pretend it's just a rose
• You can play with my ex-girlfriend, but treat her like the lady that she is.
• he touched me then, but I forgot to feel
• But where the bones had landed, things began to grow
• I may have cellulite, but I can still put my ankles behind my head
• I thought I had some great insight into human nature, but I didn't
• It all turned out all right but there was so much pain along the way
• Jessica, too tall but still lovely, was not sure she would or should drop the whale
• Do not mourn the day, for the sun shall rise, but you may not
• Apple may have bought NeXT, but NeXT took over Apple
• She doesn't know what he sees, but sometimes it makes his face beautiful
• Close, but no cigar
• A Nocturnal Upon Saint Lucy's Day, being the Shortest Day
• How to assassinate a third world despot with only a butt plug and a litre of raspberry coulis
• It did not get nicer, but it sure got a hell of a lot more honest
• I suppose I could have married a World Cup soccer player, but I didn't
• Looking like a pirate is fun but only having one eye annoys me
• I'd ask, sure, I'd ask. But then, then you could say no.
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
• Hot pursuit
• Well, I was tired of being 24 anyway, so there
• Mr. Potato Head Sprouted. He got moldy. Now he's all dried up, but he's still up in the cabinet.
• I didn't read it but I want to get into the author's pants
• It's like this train. It can't run anywhere but where its rails take it.
• The flowers smiled, but she was gone
• I will have her forever but I can't touch her
• But how's the grilled cheese? A GCP reunion and nodermeet in St. Louis, Jan 2006
• I won't tell you the real reason why I hate you, but I'll tell you another which is just as good
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• War is hell but men like it
• In a school with over 20,000 people, there is no danger of being recognized later
• I've lost my memory but I have ink, so.
• It's just a doll, but it's a million times more real than your chemicals
• Men may cry "Peace! Peace!" but there is no peace
• I can't get published, but this crap can
• I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but
• I Meant to have but Modest Needs
• Being Asian is rather like having large breasts
• Fuck them all but the six
• I always knew I would have a 21st birthday but I never thought I'd be 21
• You can't stop thinking of her: this is how you explained it, a proof of your being in love.
• He may be a son-of-a-bitch, but he is our son-of-a-bitch
• I may dream in technicolor, but I trip the fuck out in old-school black and white
• the desert was once alive, but I don't remember it
• The day we were married the leftover doves from his days of being a magician hummed little love songs in the attic
• Things you don't want to hear (but will) when you get into bed with a girl
• Due to the Incompetence of our novice author, our heroine, cahla, finds herself in the wilds of Djibouti; there is no denouement in sight, but the moonlight is pretty.
• So says the preacher man, but... I don't go by what he says
• Tanks But No Tanks
• It ought to be broad daylight, but the shadow that envelops the story shows no signs of brightening

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