Dream Log: November 11, 2000

This dream was sort of weird. It was actually a continuation of a dream that I had several months, maybe even a couple years ago. I was on campus at some sort of fair or get-together, I'm not sure. I was there in the previous dream too. The campus didn't look anything like it does IRL in either dream. There was a booth for the NRA, where I went to renew my membership which I first got in the previous dream (I guess this took place a year later). The guy in charge was telling me some things when I was woken up... I always get woken up when I'm getting somewhere in a dream.. maybe thats why I can remember them though. I'm not sure why I dreamed this, I've never been a member of the NRA, and probably never will be. But the weird thing was that everything in the dream was the same as in the previous one.. layout of things, things in my wallet like tickets, the NRA guy and his assistant, the landscape. Deja vu.

I never did meet my dad. He was murdered when I was young, but he did appear in my dream last night. This is how it went.

I'm in an airport waiting for my flight, and I see my aunt there. I go up to her and ask her how she has been. In my dream she isn't my aunt. She asks me if I was willing to fly to New York with them and I would be paid. All I had to do was carry her purse. I wasn't going to say no to this, so I tag along with her. My dad then appears. He walks towards us, he's my aunt's bestfriend. He asks who I am, and when my non-aunt answers he gives me a ]dirty look].
Suddenly we are all in a mall, shopping for silverware. I start looking around and see my cousin. I go up to her and poke her in the stomach. She turns around and socks me one in the stomach. We go at it and after I have her pinned to the floor, I decide I rather fly home to see who my real family is.
I go upto my reality aunt and tell her I no longer want her purse and just want to go home. She laughs and hands me a cinnabun. I walk away and as I see my dad, I stop. I look into his eyes and scream, "GET UP ALREADY!"

I wake up and realize my mom had been trying to wake me for quite some time. I didn't really care that I didn't talk to my dad. No sense in me thinking what life would be like if he were around. I have my mom. She's all I need, and I love her for all she has done.

I dream on narcotics (the strangest dream ever)

First Dream:

I found myself in Florence with another traveler who had to go someplace - I was left to explore the city, which resembled Milan a great bit. After much walking around I find a dark dock, where a little girl asks me what I am doing there. I shrug and walk on until I find my travel companion. We return to the entrance of the city and I fail at trying to convince him to go exploring again tomorrow.

got up, checked xp and time, went back to sleep

:Second Dream

I'm on e2, a bunch of people including wharfinger and JP message me, telling me about a new viewing option. I manually set the parameter and everything appears in new colors and rearranged. But something else is different, I can't pinpoint what. Then it strikes me - I know the nodes - I will look something up and it will be in my head immediately, before reading it. In an attempt to message someone about it, I find myself in their hometown. My younger brother is there also, and we resolve to go to some playground he had seen. Another child with a father was at the bottom of the playground's hill, some kid on top was throwing porous rocks at the four of us. When told to stop, the child runs and the father offers me a rock to throw. I decline. We walk on through a mine-like tunnel, I pick up some tar and throw it into one of the corners - I know that this builds wasp nests (from the mindmelt e2) and I don't like this place. A nearby school is viewing a Steven king movie as a community-thing. I join the audience, Steven King is sitting in the back. The film opens with a teacher presenting a portrait of the girl on my left, holding a flower. The painting morphs into one of that girl holding the one on my left, by the throat. No-one is disturbed by this. Eventually, all the kids are gone and it's just the director, teacher and Mr. King. I ask him how he likes New Orleans, and he drudgingly responds with the standard "I like this town" bullshit. Suddenly I remember that I'm in Auburn and call up jason - or try to. The little phone they have requires all my concentration to dial a number at a time. My eyes water from squinting so hard, and a tear falls onto the screen. Odd. Jason arrives with Brian, and we head out to meet up with Claire and others... they say there is no time for me to take a shower, even though my clothes look tattered.

The phone next door wake me up.

(This wasn't actually a dream. It was more a hallucination, which I have once in a while. Completely natural and without aid of external chemicals, though I suspect one of my roommates smoked some marijuana in my room last night...)

Similar to pig's dream, I found myself on E2. My chatterbox was full of /msgs, mostly from jessicapierce, but some from yerricde and clearpebbles too. Now, I haven't actually talked to jessicapierce, so I thought that was a bit odd. She said things to the effect that while my contributions to Everything were very good and fun to read, they didn't follow along with the fundimental theme of Everything. Yerricde was talking about some kind of technicological issues, like wearable computers or robots. The one /msg from clearpebbles was just a "hi there, how are you" kind of note (I met her just last night, and talked only breifly). I continued to go around E2, which began to look more and more like the Wired from Serial Experiments Lain. Suddenly, there was a large, dark presence in front of me, and in the middle of my screen was a /msg from dem_bones asking me (politely) to leave. I did (who would argue with him?).

I tried falling asleep again, but I could only go back to E2, and my Random Node searches only turned up nodes by juliet, Saige, and ideath. What is meant by all of this, I have no idea.

I am a little girl again, about five. I have blush on and my hair is curled. I have clear gloss on my lips and I think I am beautiful.

The class files out and takes position on the stage. The other kids are identical costumes, smiling. The air from the fans moves their hair. I come out last, my costume is different because I am the narrator and I have a lot of lines. I have told this to my parents and they are watching me from the audience, waiting for a Kodak moment. My little sister is with them, sucking her thumb and waiting. She loves me and would give me all her candy if I asked for it (and sometimes I do).

An introduction is played on the piano. I smile and say two of my lines. More piano. Then I have a lot more lines but a curly haired chubby little girl has already stared. The teacher signals me to let her go on, “skip it”, she says. My eyes have filled with tears.

The teacher signals me again, offering me a chance to say my last lines, but I can not remember them. I am blushing, flustered, speechless. She guides me offstage. My part is over. Behind the curtain she glares above me, in her dark suit that stops at mid-calf, stuffed into heels and smelling of lilacs.

“I didn’t get to finish”, I stammer. Her mouth purses, a tight little red pucker, and I can’t tell if she is upset or if it’s just to much rouge.

“You weren’t ready anyway”, she hisses.

When she is gone I slink up the back stairs and cry in the cloakroom in a pile of coats that smell like outdoors, kids’ coats. I curl up and suck my thumb.

When the play is over, I’m still alone. They have the reception in the gym, with its stripes and circles on the floor. Tonight they let us walk there in street shoes.

I go to find my parents and I see them leaving. I can’t make them hear me, can’t get them to stop and wait so I can explain. They are gone and I am frozen. I am little, with a pruney thumb. I am sniffling and hitching, trying to ask someone to help me get to the door, but nothing comes out of my mouth.

(Please remind me from now on not to drink so much before going to sleep...)

• I saw her again. Christina-- my daughter. Quiet darkness; those eyes piercing me, relentless, unforgiving. She stands in a desert, sand swirling around the two of us, trees dead, things dying. Laughter, howling in the background. Words form on my lips, words I don't know, and I can't seem to get anything out. "Baby...?" She points at me now. And grows... Taller and taller, a giant blossoming upwards, until I'm nothing but a small bloody smear screaming in her shadow.



• Warm feminine thighs, sex, moisture dripping. Skin against skin. Her hands curled in my hair, voices dimly calling my name; Breasts, mouths, sweat, inhaled... exhaled...



• A room-- blood-red thick velvet curtains, oozing; dust settles silently on the piano, and I'm frozen in place. "Come out, come out, wherever you are..." a voice calls softly, menacingly. The skeleton in the chair laughs. Falling backwards...