2 slices sliced white bread
low-fat margarine
Half a ripe avocado
Mature cheddar cheese


  1. Toast bread lightly
  2. Spread thinly with margarine
  3. Divide avocado between slices and mash
  4. Top with slices of cheese to almost cover
  5. Microwave on high for 45 seconds
  6. Eat
(follow) Methodicly...

  1. Retrieve 4 slices of hazelnut bread.
  2. Place on counter.
  3. Retrieve gudens spicy mustard.
  4. Place on counter.
  5. Retrieve kraft mayo.
  6. You guessed it, place that on the counter too, buddy.
  7. Make more room on the counter by putting other shit away.
  8. Retrieve thin sliced pickles.
  9. Place on counter.
  10. Retrieve dry salami.
  11. Place on counter.
  12. Retrieve kraft cheese slices.
  13. Place on counter.
  14. Lay out bread on counter.
  15. Spread mayo on each slice. Just enough to keep the salami glued in.
  16. Squirt mustard juice into sink.
  17. Comment about how mustard juice makes you feel.
  18. Squirt mustard onto 2 of the slices on top of the mayo.
  19. Place 2 thin-sliced pickles onto the pieces of bread that have no mustard on them. 2 Each.
  20. Put the pickles, mustard, mayo and knife away.
  21. Place 8 pieces of salami on the side with mustard on it.
  22. Use 1 single of cheese per sandwich, rip into three pieces, spread out on top of salami.
  23. Press pieces of bread together.
  24. Scream at the top of your lungs "It's alive! Aliveeee!"
  25. Admire your creation.
  26. Put shit away.
  27. Grab mountain dew.
  28. Eat.

Chili Dip

8 oz. cream cheese

1 can Hormel Chili without Beans

2 cups grated cheddar cheese


Place cream cheese in a pie plate and microwave on defrost for 1 1/2 min. Spread cream cheese evenly in bottom of plate. Pour can of chili on top of cream cheese and sprinkle grated cheddar on top.

Microwave on high power until cheese is melted and is bubbly (about 3 minutes). Serve with tortilla chips.

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