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Welcome to Hell. Don't bother looking around; there's nothing to see here.

No light. No people. No sounds. No colors (except the blackness of nothing, which is kind of a like a bland "blank" rather than black). No terrain. No eyes. No buildings. No words. No thing.

It's empty here, just like you. That's right, you. You wouldn't be here if you had something. Something is better than nothing (unless you're looking for love in an all-male prison and you aren't predisposed to that type of "thing"), and if you had anything of worth within you, you wouldn't be here. Such is not the case; you're a sad lot, you are, and you're in Hell.

Don't try to figure it out; you won't be able to. Trying to figure it out will just confuse you. Even if you tried, you wouldn't come up with anything closely resembling a sensible conclusion. If you could, you wouldn't be here, either. You see, in order to figure out where you are, you must have a concept of good and being that you're here at all clearly shows that you have not a whit of a concept of "good" and can, therefore, draw no sensible conclusions as to your whereabouts.

You must be told where you are. Not that it'd do you any good; you still won't understand because if you understood then that would mean you believed what you were told, which would indicate trust, which is good and you are not, so you're doomed to stay here indefinitely.


Welcome to Hell. As useless as it is to tell you, here are the facts:

If anything remotely positive exists, it has a quality of goodness. Light, for instance, shows you where you are headed, which is a good thing unless you happen to like walking into things for no apparent reason (which is rather silly if your eyes are working perfectly well and you don't like headaches all that much). Another good example of "good" is that quality so lamented as to be hated, which is love. If you love anything in existence, even yourself, you've got a point of goodness. You see (of course, you don't), it all comes down to pluses and minuses.

Positive (good) = plus (add something to)
Negative (evil) = minus (take something away)

If you are good, even to the most minute degree, then you are a positive Being- regardless how low on the scale you might be (or high, for that matter). Goodness goes to more goodness like a magnet or mutual attraction, which makes sense because anything positive is basically an addition to something that exists. You cannot be added to something that does not exist, that would be like multiplying a number by zero, which is always zero. No. You can only be added, if you are even remotely good. Goodness multiplies. Generally speaking, most entities are headed for goodness even if they don't want to.

If you are evil, that is to say, if you are entirely negative, then you are nothing (emphasis added) but an absolute negative, as in subtraction incarnate. If you encounter something that exists, come into contact with it, you reduce it and take away from it. Negatives cannot exist because to exist is to be positive (as in, being somewhere), therefore evil is nonexistent.

The more (or less, depending on your perspective) negative you become, the more (or less) you are "there." As it so happens, you continued on your path of "not being there" and eventually wound up here (nowhere, literally). Here is Hell. Actually, to be more specific, "not here is Hell."

Everything you know will be negative- but not to worry. To know something is to retain something, to have an existing knowledge of something, which is impossible because you're an absolute negative and nothing can exist within you- not even a memory. You will be in a state of utter nothingness.

No name. No memory. No knowledge. No senses. No future. No past. No present. No life. No death. Not even a short nap.

Speaking of naps, the experience (or, rather, the inexperience) of Hell is very much like being asleep- only more so (less so). Imagine if you will (if you can, which you can't), that you are sleeping in a dreamless state. You're just lying there, doing nothing in particular except wasting time. You're not learning anything, you're not getting any younger, you're not growing, you're not talking, you're not sharing- you're just totally and completely oblivious to the world around you. You're not even thinking anything. Snore.

It's even worse than being dead (or even undead- those lousy Saps outright refuse to come here).

By this logic, it should be mentioned that you didn't have to do anything to get here (Price of admission: $0.00). Point in fact, you did nothing at all (that whole negativity incarnate thing again) to get here. By doing nothing, you contributed no-thing and therefore proved your worthlessness. You didn't just do this once, you did it (or didn't do it, as the case may be) over the period of your entire lifetime. You see, a negative doesn't put anything out; it just keeps taking things away, like a vacuum. You're a special breed, my friend. You're one of the precious few in Existence who was able to remove a smile from someone's face without actually doing or saying anything at all. Just your presence managed to put frowns on people's faces. That takes an abstract (imaginary or non-existent) sort of talent.

You're now in Hell and there's only one way to get out, but you can't do it on your own, you know (or perhaps you don't). Something positive has to attach itself to you and make it stick.

Maybe you'll get tired of non-existence. Maybe you'll get bored with nothing. Until (or if) you do, Hell is where you'll stay. We'd suggest enjoying your stay here, but you can't enjoy anything because you aren't aware of it.

Hello? Are you paying attention? Oh, what's the use? You have nothing to pay attention with.

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