Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "the time he was giving me oral and I queefed in his face for, like, five minutes."

• All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• When I was 21, he was building a Time Machine
• I was raised on red pepper and blood. I am so hot if you strike me I will light like a match.
• You'd better quit sticking your thumbs in your belt loops like that. You're giving me bad ideas.
• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• because his heart was heavy, closing, like a tired eyelid
• Five minutes after falling off the cliff, I realized how high it really was
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• Mr. Lunch liked to chase birds. In fact, he was a professional.
• How many times has God twiddled his thumbs before he put vertebrates on the Earth?
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• He was like the bottle of Champagne Krug
• It is safe to say that I'm going to get my payback if he is anything like me.
• give me five minutes and i will give you your life (document)
• want me like time
• She didn't write like Emily Dickinson, but she did live in a house overlooking a cemetery, and I guess he thought that was important.
• Sex and death have both spat me out like spoiled milk for the same reason. I was not afraid.
• To me he is a daisy and I keep trying to count his petals
• The class valedictorian was still tripping balls when he was bailed out in time to give the commencement speech at graduation
• He brings me books like flowers
• He throws his heart down like a gauntlet
• I kicked the Martian in his otherworldly balls, and he screamed like the solar wind howling through a planetary magnetosphere
• Every time I see a dead fish that isn't, I think of you. Happiness keeps washing over me like a wave. What do I do with it all?
• He Never Told Me My Eyes Were Like Diamonds
• the space was filled with love like light and that made me shine as well
• I was put on hold for time to gnaw me raw.
• unfortunately, his entire corpus was composed in English, and so has been lost to the ravages of time
• The time a thug punched my friend in the face because he could
• one was giving me the eye but nothing came of it
• She doesn't know what he sees, but sometimes it makes his face beautiful
• I don't know where he gets his words but I like them
• He just wanted to give me something he forgot to give me a long time ago
• As I looked back, he was reveling in his own feces
• He stretched out his arms but she was not there
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• His name came up like a match on wooden me
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• His collection of substances that should not exist was stolen. The thieves then killed themselves 1000 times over.
• He was an ant on an ill-defined mission. She was the trapdoor spider of love.
• you have five minutes to admire the beauty in everything and then you die
• judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
• face time
• He Had Not Where To Lay His Head
• Then again, maybe he was recruiting for a cult
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• The Trial: Andrew Johnson was not guilty of the crimes for which he was impeached.
• His memory perishes from the earth, and he has no name in the street.
• He is honest and forthright with strangers. He reserves his lies for his family
• Five minute bread
• Let's get milk-faced and hum like rabbits
• He Died with a Felafel in His Hand
• He was confirming to himself that they were laughing with him after all
• Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
• Top five Atari 2600 games of all time
• he that is not with me is against me
• He's a feminist. He tells that to all his mistresses.
• he smokes like a cello plays
• he tried to kill me with a forklift
• I will marry only he who defeats me in Scrabble
• He was the kind of man who shacked up for shelter
• Time Becomes Meaningless In The Face Of Creativity
• How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
• Giving a mixtape to a girl like you
• And she flew halfway across the world for those five minutes
• five minutes ago
• More than he was willing to give
• He loves me, he loves me not
• At least he was gentle
• She grew a little older, while he was telling her
• Donald Duck was banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants
• I wanted to see how many times he wouldn't ask.
• The Abridged Edition: She was to one side, he was to the other, an untested bridge between them
• It's easier to kick a praying man, because he's on his knees already
• All he left her was alone
• He that is not with me is against me.
• She couldn't imagine that he liked dancing
• Meanwhile, the PILOT, who has been laughing hysterically through the entire sequence, finally loses it. He falls out of his chair and bangs his head against the panel, causing the ship to lose control and crash into a nearby planet
• He wakes up everyday, puts an empty gun in his mouth, and pulls the trigger.
• The girl didn't know if she was loved until he said yes.
• He probably builds trebuchets still: Satan needs to modernize, like totally!
• Let's shoot Cupid, see how he likes it
• He found a liquid cure for his landlocked blues
• You charm'd me not with that fair face
• Do you remember how small your body was when you were five?
• Five minute fudge
• I would like to spiritually attune your face with my knee
• I am giving you every opportunity to let me down
• The space that fits a restless girl for five minutes
• Tell me a story about just NOT GIVING A DAMN
• Tell Me a Story About Giving a Fuck. Tell Me, Everything.
• Monkey Gave Me a High Five
• I don't know what he was listening for, but he wasn't listening
• "He was a terrible man," she sobbed, between bites of alimony
• Kissing a man all over his face
• he touched me then, but I forgot to feel
• The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist
• He makes me feel alone just by being there
• I like the way he reads poetry
• I married him because he was not mean
• I'm not HIS sister; he's MY brother
• He weaves his words
• Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
• He lived in southern California with his tanned, powdered mother
• Why Doesn't He Ask Me to Prom?
• My brother never told me not to smoke. He showed me.
• He Read To Me The Picture of Dorian Gray
• Even as he watched the sea rise up like anger
• She had become a mutton for punishment and he was a wolf
• Show me your art and I will consume even the smallest part of you, he said.
• she, he, and me
• I saved his life. He does not know it.
• The Marlboro Man died of cancer, but he wasn't a rocket scientist when he was healthy, ha ha ha.
• Seven opening lines if he would ever look me in the eye
• he calls me monster
• He taught me how to smoke
• he likes to watch you walk
• he calls me girly (user)
• I will marry only he who defeats me in battle
• The day he gave me a lift
• he did not look back. he walked slowly. he might stop at any time.
• My crush asked if he could kiss me
• I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
• I fall in love with my migraine, every day he seduces me with a kiss.
• he listened so well, he was still curious.
• There will be time, there will be time, to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet
• he taught me to fly then took away my sky
• He called me Sarah once
• He has redefined me, again and again
• He was born with the gift of logic but the inability to use it
• why is the great man great? he keeps on running through a world of his own.
• The first five minutes after I wake up
• five and a half minute hallway
• When I was five
• The five people you must have in your life at all times
• When I was five years old, I knew I was going to die
• Barry Jive and his Uptown Five
• MyBase and other VB.NET concepts designed to make you feel like a five year old
• what will the internet be like five hundred years from now?
• like a flower with a fool's face I open myself
• Forgotten in Five Minutes
• Giving a mix tape to a girl you like
• He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder.
• Oedipus-Schmedipus, as long as he loves his mother
• if you don't like what you're getting, change what you're giving
• Giving waiting staff a hard time
• Take Off My Pants and Tell Me You Love Me and I'll Laugh in Your Face and Call You a Slut
• Five Minute Ride
• "He" is actually a buxom blonde bisexual sorority girl. The net is like that.
• "I see," said the blind man to his deaf wife as he picked up his hammer and saw
• As the band laughed, her finger traced his spine, and he folded into her
• Shaymus is older than I thought he was
• This guy in the computer lab who looks like he should be a doctor
• He flops over and bonks his head
• It was late when he came home; it woke you up
• Somehow he reminds me of my mother
• Chris and What He Untaught Me
• I stared into the muddled sky with tears running down my face in small rivers, and I knew then that there was no hope
• a bit of ash in his face keeps him warm
• For my father, in the event he finds me
• In the end, he could quiet his mind only by dying
• He will have the taste of warm ripe fruit in his mouth
• A face like a slapped arse
• he kissed me for a year and a half
• He made the stars speak to me in Morse Code
• In a quiet grove of pines under a frosty sky, he helped her out of the sack. She wore severe white hospital pajamas and was beautiful.
• He Hate Me
• He dreamt he was a bulldozer, she dreamt she was alone in an empty bed
• He wasn't programmed to be a tenor, he was programmed to be a physician!
• I knew enough about him to know his name and what kind of snowball he could make
• An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her
• He needed to repeat some well-used mantra of love just one more time
• The portion of her face she allows me to see
• I wonder if he ever thinks about me
• It's not so much that I like him as a person God, but as a boy he's very handsome
• It was 1992. He smiled.
• If a frog had wings, he wouldn't kick his tail when he jumped
• His face
• I'm up, he sees me, I'm down
• Wheresoever he went, there was Eden
• He who does not forget his first love will not recognize his last
• He thinks a path and travels the emptiness that was there
• Of King Sigmund's last battle, and of how he must yield up his sword again
• Tom, He was a Piper's Son

If you Log in you could create a "the time he was giving me oral and I queefed in his face for, like, five minutes." node. If you don't already have an account, you can register here.