Over this past weekend my good friend passed away. I wasn't ready for it and it was completely a freak accident. Who is ever ready for that? I did everything I guess a normal person does in reaction to the drowning of my friend. I thought of all the things I wish I had said to him when I had seen him last. I know he knew I cared for him, but we don't often actually say it enough to each other as people. I thought about how I've heard people over and over again say these very same things when loved ones passed away, but I never took them to heart. I miss him so much and I can't imagine why such potential would just be wiped clean of the earth. I've been pretty much sleepless for the past few days and I feel oddly numb to the whole thing. I don't think it's really hit me yet. I know the worst is ahead and I keep telling myself that, but I don't think that's going to make this easier. I want to curl up and run away but I know that would not honor his memory. I know that I have to live every moment of my life now with a new zest. I have to move past this and learn. I know this is the way to honor his memory and keep him alive in my heart. I go to the funeral tomorrow. I made the decision to also attend the viewing which I know will tear me apart, but I have to do this to make it final in my head. I miss you, Chris, and I love you. I'll see you in my dreams and never forget what you've taught me. Goodbye, my thoughts will always be with you.