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Time: Fri, 28 Jul 2000 00:03:24 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_perl/1.21_03-dev
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JeffMagnus node count: 3893 (9 new since July 27, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 8736 (187 more since July 27, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.244 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.621%
JeffMagnus node of the day: comp.os.msdos.programmer FAQ

Happy Birthday lioncub !! and Congratulations Cid Highwind on getting to the next level!!!

Busy day today....went back to the gym this morning for my Wellness Check. The good news is that they did have my records from March 99 and even better lot's of progress made since then! To date:

Weight loss - 27 lbs
Inches lost - 22"
Body fat dropped by 4.3% putting me in the good range(woohoo!)
Treadmill test went from 141 beats per minute at 3 mph for 5 minutes to 120 beats per minute at 3 mph for 5 minutes.
Life is good!
Flexiblity is still in the poor range so I have some work to do and she wants me to increase my protien in my diet to gain more lean muscle. New knowledge is that my body metabolizes differently after having been imobile for so long. Even though I've been working at this for over a year, it's still going to take a while because they didn't do therapy while I was sick.

Called and told my counselor at rehab that I would like to apply for a job as an Airline Reservationist. He's sending me a list of Job Developement companies for me to choose from. The last job I tried was a disaster. No one really understood what my problems were and I have no skills as to how to solve them in the workplace. Their job is to explain to my employer what help I may need to do the job, as well as helping me with problem solving strategies. Number Two Son and I went down to the High School and registered. He seems happy with the classes he's in. He'll be taking Global Studies, Biology, Art 1-2, Algebra 3-4,and Business Tech (computers).

Tonight's sunset was colorfully glorious, so many yellows and rose pinks, with different shades of grey clouds floating across the face of the sun as it went down. As I walked I recalled these things written by Lamed-Ah-Zohar

~"Thought is simply this: It is the clothing that you, through belief, put upon events...events have occured, that's just how it is, but you absolutely have a choice as to how you see the event, how you clothe it....you can alter how it is impressed upon your mind...We can decide how an event will effect us....We are the dark titan who, when destroyed, returns from the bloody foam as beauty made manifest~

Catharsis and the Cloth of Echoes

Throughout my childhood my family moved often, uprooted as many as three or four times a year. The pain of losing friendships still affects me today, I treasure them.....afraid they'll disappear. There was, however, a place I could count on staying the same: my grandparents' home.

A home built by my grandparents and their neighbors it sits in a small cove in the midst of miles of farmland. Each time I visited them I came home to things just as I remembered them. As we would come to sit at the table for a meal, Grandfather would read (what seemed like forever) a chapter from the Bible while the smells of Grandmother's meal watered our mouths. Then Grandmother would say the blessing and we could eat. The constancy of their home was something I counted on; it was always there, providing a haven of love and belonging.

Lord you have been our dwelling place in all generations.
-Psalm 90:1 (NRSV)


Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow

8:30 BST

As I walked into work, I daydreamed that I was living in a house with a river at the bottom of the garden. Yet more people trying very hard to kill each other with their cars; some of these people live closer to work than I do, why can't they walk in?

I want to see Titan A.E. on it's opening night (tonight, here in the UK) but I need someone to go with. Everyone at work is either visiting people or just plain uninterested. I want to ask my Brother, but he will be tired after a working week.

14:20 BST

Mmmm, post pub sleepiness.

Stupid problems with NT domain trust relationships, DCOM and IP address resolving. Stupid, bloody, opaque NT. I'm sure that I wouldn't have this problem with Unix, or if I did, I would be able to solve it right away.

Mental Note: send some virtual hugs and smooches to Void_Ptr for putting those Lain backdrops on her website. (Am I shallow for being made happy by these pictures?)

21:45 BST

Boredom, fatigue (not chronic), and a huge craving for chocolate, alcohol, ice cream and pornography. The problem with this is: I don't really have the money to go wasting on silly indulgences, even though I got paid today. If I stay on E2 and IRC long enough, the supermarket will close and I won't have to worry...

22:45 BST

Ah well, I succumbed to the temptation and bought some hooch, chocolate and cashew nuts. But I don't feel guilty. Much. Well, OK I do. A lot.

Argh! I failed in my resistance!

Today is my mom's birthday. I plan on doing a lot of cleaning today. I need to send some more resumes out, but I might wait til Monday.

I argued with miriam earlier, god she is annoying. I talked to rogerb for 2 hours on the phone. We were talking about philosophy and religion, and the wacky people we know. It always amazes me .. we go from being so goofy and immature, into conversations about religions and our digust at the victimization that happens in the world.
After a long hiatus, I drop back into the comfy ecru confines of the E2 Jukka Theme. Ahhhhhhhhhh. That, that smell... the smell of freshly baked nodes... you can't go home again, they say, but they are clearly wrong.

I've been waiting patiently by the phone. Ginny will be spending the following year studying in Scotland, and I absolutely must see her off in grand fashion. The problem is, I think I started calling around too late... everyone is gone, visiting home, on vacation, the phones are silent and dead and I'm wondering if Ginny has already left without a chance to wish her good luck and godspeed and that's depressing. For the past month and a half, I've been looking forward to baking her a fare-thee-well cake, and if I never get a chance to present it to her, the homemade chocolate merengue will be much more bitter than sweet.

And I've met back up with the Old Flame, if indeed you can call her that, since this was also the classic one-way obsession that I'm always in. And it's very disturbing. Sheena's gained weight, an unhealthy amount. I'm no longer attracted to her. It kind of hurts to be this shallow.

Not that her personality still holds the same allure that it once did - her jokes seem more obscure than brilliant nowadays, her mannerisms are slowed and lacking that certain flip elegance, and the constant murmur of her voice that I once lived to strain to hear, I now merely strain to hear. It's just an impediment to conversation, and I feel like I can't connect with her because of it - how do you talk to a burbling creek? How do you talk to the hiss of roadnoise? That's what she sounds like to me now. Background radiation. Blends right in. And I know that for these and other, much more miniscule reasons, that I no longer love her.

But I can't shake the feeling that if she were still healthy and (relatively) vim that I would still feel quite a bit for her. And that the weight issue is the main influence on my feelings, tugging them down with its gravity. And I feel bad. But I still don't love her anymore.

I feel as though I'm somehow perpetuating someone's anorexia with this node.

And so that is what has been happening, as I write this at the dangerously late hour of 3:35 AM (curse my salaried position! curse it, I say! From now until eternity, I demand overtime pay!) and I hope to control my Everything addiction, Pedro-like, so I can continue droppin' science for the kids.

12:58 EET

Had a nice junk food breakfast: A chicken hamburger at HesBurger. The place sucks, but it's the best option downtown since they removed one of the 3 Carrols-restaurants a while ago. I wish somebody would steal my idea for a Hi-Tech Hamburger Restaurant™ soon. :)

It's wonderfully chilly out again, maybe even a bit too cold for walking around wearing a T-shirt. At the moment it even looks like the lethally hot weather won't arrive to the southern Finland this weekend. Yay!

Speaking of the weekend, the big marine festival has begun in the city of Kotka. This basicially means some concerts and other happenings, and a small seaside city completely packed with finns consuming ridiculous amounts of hard liquor, puking all over the place etc.
I went to the festival once a few summers ago, and found it quite pointless and boring. The most interesting thing was walking from downtown Kotka to the summer cottage we were staying at with Masa and his then-girlfriend. Every single street light was turned off and the distance we had to walk was approx. 11km. When we finally got to the cottage, somebody noted that we could've just taken a bus. ARGH!
We weren't the most unlucky ones, though. Other members of our group had left the city center a few hours later, but walked in the opposite direction for 4km before noticing it. Trust me, they were pretty pissed off when they finally made it.
Needless to say, I'm not going to attend the booze-festival this year, or any year for that matter. My boss has made a big number about him going all week, and I'm really looking forward to hearing how fun it is not being able to remember a thing about the whole weekend afterwards. Sigh.

Hämeenlinna has something a lot nicer: a hot air balloon race with its route going right over our house. I'll probably spend the weekend laying on the grass watching those colourful things floating slowly in the sky. (can you say "trippy"?)

22:22 EET

My sister is back from the summer camp, and it seems she had a great time over there. Good! The only complaint she had was on the unability to go back next week. :) Remembering the fun I had in the very same camp 10 years ago, I fully understand how she feels.

The GHB kicked in, and I found myself noding lyrics again. I'll probably get systematically downvoted, but who cares?

No hot air balloons on the sky as of yet. But I'm waiting...

Today's Writeups:
  • Fourth Avenue Cafe
  • Korg Trident
  • Korg Trident mk II
  • Sobakasu

  • Finland Metanode
  • Another big day for me. Up at 6, shower (which is such a pleasure, the best thing about the morning now it's so frigid and frosty). Walked Molly, who had maximum fun as usual. The frost was so thick this morning, I can hardly believe that her little feet don't freeze off. She was a good dog this morning. Back home, two pots of coffee, hoping to not get coffee-psychosis (avoided it this morning).

    Damn it feels good to have a wireless LAN. I sat in the kitchen and checked in on E2, which has become my morning ritual. I got one node cooled, which since I'm such a newbie, felt pretty good. Got to work on my emails, until I had to take Gemma to work (her second last day until she starts her new job in a fortnight). I was so happy to get back in and find my coffee still hot.

    Mail arrived finally, and there was the cheque from Sydney for the first month's rent on our new office here in Canberra. Super cool. Spent the rest of the day organising the paperwork and seeing the estate agent. I was totally braindead up there though, I think 'cause I had two handfuls of cashew nuts for lunch. I think that my body just wants to shut down when it gets too much protein. /msged alex.tan to suggest he nodes protein but he tells me he's not a biochemist.

    Collected Gemma and took her for a nice early dinner at Beluccis in Dickson. Home, walk Molly again, and check into E2. Happy to have my small but well formed family next to me. Gemma's watching telly, Molly is just being lovely...

    8:38 AM Eastern Daylight Savings Time

    MY LAST DAY OF WORK!!!! I am very happy. I really want to steal the Lockheed Martin sign on the office door, but I'm guessing they wouldn't take kindly to that. I might be coming back next summer. :)

    The relatives are getting here today. At least I get to go to a Mets game out of it...if Mark Maguire wasn't injured, it'd be even cooler...

    I am definitely looking to returning to my nocturnal ways next week.

    The sky is blue, the sun is shining. Yes, welcome to another mind-fucking day with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

    I had to do the supermarket run this morning and now I feel pretty much totally exhausted. A whole day's energy has already been expended. My head is buzzing and I don't know what to do with myself. I could go back to bed but that's too depressing to contemplate.

    Perhaps I'll be able to coax out a couple of nodes later this afternoon. Who knows I might start to feel merely awful.

    How much longer do I have to wait to be free of this fucking illness?

    Spent some quality time with the sofa and feel slightly restored. In any case I managed to successfully SIGHUP the cheeriness daemon.

    Feeling better still this evening and managed a few nodes. Yay!

    Yesterday, Tomorrow

    July 28 2000

    Today is my 26th birthday - I always wondered how life would turn out for me come the new milennium, would I have a job I liked?, would I be married? would I be rich and/or famous? would I be happy?. The answer to all of the above seems to be, 'weeeelll, not really no'.

    I'm not suicidal or anything so drastic, after all i've got my health, friends, money and the prospect of better days, it's just that today is my birthday and so far it ain't been nuthin' special - in fact it's been rather dire.

    Things began to look ominous last night when I realised that I hadn't arranged to do anything this evening which is not only my birthday but also a FRIDAY NIGHT!

    Usually I can pull a couple of buddies out of the bag and arrange a hastily put together few beers BUT of all the days for them all to have alternative arrangements today was NOT the day. As a result I am destined to a night in front of badly scheduled TV with a microwave meal and a can of Red Stripe singing 'Happy Birthday to Me' with a tear in my eye.

    To make matters worse this morning has not exactly filled me with much happiness. I decided to take the day off work (it is me birthday after all!) so I enjoyed a little lie in only to remember at 11.30 that as I hadn't driven to work that my car was in great danger of receiving a parking ticket. I rushed downstairs, bleary eyed in my dressing gown into the pouring rain only to find that I had been issued with one of Lambeth Council's finest £40 parking tickets 1/2 an hour beforehand.

    I have since moved the car, noticing in the process that it has been vandalised AGAIN and the stereo is fucked following an aborted attempt to steal it last weekend.

    Currently I am nursing a shaving wound so severe that I am surprised that I am still alive to write about it.

    Well I'm off now, I'm driving 30 miles to see an old girlfriend of mine who has just returned from 3 years in Japan. I think i'll drive at 2mph just in case my luck continues and I end up as roadkill.

    Still as D:REAM once opinied,

    "Thinnnnggssss, can only get better!"

    friday morning


    figures it would look to be a pretty weekend when i don't have my favourite person to share it with. tuesday. tuuuesssssdaaaayy.

    i drove to work, despite the sun. i'm feeling kinda woozy today.

    i don't know what i'll do this weekend. clean house, deffinitely. paint maybe. ride my bike perhaps.

    in the words of winnie the pooh "think think think".

    i'm so close to level 7, but i have noder's block. my daylogs will get me through shortly even if i don't node anything else. the boss isn't in and my work is pretty much done, so i'll try to come up with something today. something good.

    more later...

    friday evening

    come home. it's cloudy out now. walk the dog. smoke a bowl. vacuum. steam clean. then what? i dunno. reading. painting. long hot bath.

    friday night

    a bath isn't too likely anymore. there's a storm and the lights are on and off, on and off. i don't want to get trapped in a dark bathroom. i don't want to lose power.

    i miss the man. a lot. i want to smooch. i keep vacuuming. over and over again. the dining room, then the living room. if i lose power i'll paint by candlelight and see what turns out.

    Giggle academy

    10:34 a.m. where I am right now

    The last day I wrote a day log/My next day log

    Ah yes. Like Rimrod, today is also my last day of work. Although I am counting the minutes until its over, I'll miss the high speed internet access. Hence my presence here! It should be interesting to see how I deal with Everything withdrawl, which will occur over the next month (as my home connection sucks currently, and I may not get hooked up in my new place to avoid... well, this!).

    I'll miss my desk. I'll miss some of my co-workers. And I'll definately miss the money. Then again, I won't miss playing receptionist too much. I'm not really a secretary; I just play one at work.

    I'm going on a couple of hours of sleep. I had planned to stay sober at a party last night but this did not happen. Luckily, I am in that delirious stage of tiredness in which the body is practically numb. I feel fine. It was a nice gathering.

    My aunt is taking me out for lunch today. Sweet!

    I get to see an old friend tonight. She's working at a kids theatre camp and I'm going to see the kiddie play before we go out for a drink. Awesome. I went to see my little brother put on a play a couple of weeks ago. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen. Yes, it was terrible, but unbearably cute. Imagine kids, from age eight to twelve, acting out an adaption of a Japanese kabuki play. It boggles the mind.

    Although it's my last day of work, I'm tempted to just node all day rather than clean out my desk or some such. I got an email which brightened my day, from a couple of friends of mine who are travelling Europe. They are in Cannes right now, and have been to London, Paris, Florence... I'm quite envious. I got to go to Italy a couple of years and once you get the travel bug...

    Tis a brand new day, here in New Jersey. I think I'll go exploring. I'll start with the grave of Jonas Cattell, a New Jersey folkhero, and work my way to Red Bank on the Delaware. Sounds like fun to me!

    i needed to go to the dentist as a result of my deep drunkenness.
    few days ago, i got heavily drunk. then i lost one of my teeth and i've got bleeding nose.

    anyway, i went to the dentist to do something to my lost tooth.
    now, i have something to say two people. the dentist and the black belt guy who broke my tooth.

    listen doctor.
    don't ask me questions to which i cannot anser yes or no while you are drilling my tooth. i didn't want you to drill on my cheek.

    hey, kung-fu master.
    you should wear the black belt all the time. no matter what. so that people don't have to lose their teeth or break their nose.

    Late last night they arrived: out of towners, late night drinkers, movie watchers till 4am - in short, friends. That's okay, I woke them up at 8am this morning to watch Pepper Ann, god's gift to early morning television. And they approved greatly of Sparkys, and the glory of the apartment now made clean by mop and spit, so all was well in the happy land of Nelson Street.

    It's always wonderful to wake up, stretch, put a towel around your waist and stumble out into your meager living room only to discover numerous sleeping bodies piled upon your floor. I've always adored slumber parties for the good reasons - one of them being how damn cute all your sleepy friends look at 8am as you switch on the TV and squeel with delight at the wonders of early morning cartoons while they try to wipe the goo from the eyes so they can get a better look at your maniacal, but well meaning, grin.

    Oh course, all that's ruined when half an hour later I have to go to work and they get to go back to sleep. What the hell.

    Who in the hell wants a 9 am dentist appointment? Not I, but I had one anyway. At least she didn't bitch and moan about how I don't floss enough. But that's over with.

    I reached the hallowed level 4 this morning. After a month to get level 2, and the few short weeks to level 3, it's been a long time since I got anything out of my shameless XP whoring. (I'm far too good at this; I have enough XP for level 5, but I still need 104 more writeups...) Yea, fear me, for I have the power to cool you!

    Life goes on... Two more weeks, that's my self-imposed limit for quitting my current job. I learned a very valuable lesson there this summer; I need to finish college, because I don't want to work in a warehouse forever.

    First, I must point out the bizarre number of people who today seem to be either leaving their job or going to the dentist.

    Really, how can this be just a coincidence??


    Have spent a productive Friday at work so far. At lunch at KFC, discussed with my co-workers the pros and cons of keeping my job.

    Last night saw The Second City Comedy Troupe. Afterwards, crashed hard due to my lack of sleep the night before. But I wasn't alone in my bed...


    Last Night

    My plans to go to the Baltimore Aquarium fell through. My husband was too tired and cranky. We actually left the house to go, but he kept griping about everything. So I told him I would rather go some other time when he was in a better mood.

    So, we grabbed some Burger King food, went to a nearby park and sat for a little while listening to the stillness. When we got back home, he decided he was awake enough to hit a golf ball around the back yard and to fix the turbo wastegate on his truck.

    I went to the basement, cleaned up cat pee (Yeah me), walked a mile on the treadmill, and did some situps. Reading through Lometa's and Funnytoes' daylogs has inspired me. I am tired of being overweight! I know that a mile isn't very far to walk, but I have a problem with my foot and didn't want to overdo it.

    My Foot Problem

    The foot problem I have was caused by kicking too many people's asses! (Just kidding!) Seriously - I have a condition called Plantar Fasciitis (which is not Plantars Warts). Basically, there is a muscle that runs from the heel across the bottom of your foot. It is surrounded by tissue called fascia. Somehow (probably going from not exercising at all, to doing Tai Bo) I caused injury to the fascia, causing it to swell and become painful. Standing on my feet too much, or too strenuous an exercise, will reinjure the fascia. For some people, only surgery fixes the problem. I am still in the stretch it every day and hope for some improvement phase. And since it is still painful every morning, I am probably reinjuring it every day.


    Boring boring boring. I worked on a stupid poster (which no one will even look at) for my company's Quality of Business Life Council (that's QOBLC to you!) I think it was actually supposed to be called the Quality of Life Business Council, but someone had already developed the logo wrong.

    I then dragged a friend out to lunch. He had originally said that he had too much to do. I asked if there was anything I could do for him, and, upon inspecting his list he decided there was no way he was going to complete it all today, therefore he might as well go out to lunch.

    After lunch, I returned a call from a headhunter. The position sounded the same as what I am doing here (except maybe with more work), but it would be a lot longer of a commute so I told him I wasn't interested.

    Favorite Node Created Today

    Death of an Unpopular Poet

    Plans for Tonight

    Eat a secret dinner being prepared by my hubby, drink some wine and RELAX.

    Thank God It's Friday

    Jesus do I feel bad today. My neck hurts, my eyes hurt and I've had sharp, stabbing pains in my stomach all day long. It feels like I swallowed razor blades or something. I thought that eating something at lunch might make me feel better, but it didn't. It didn't make is any worse, though, so, in a glass-half-full sense, that's good.

    I got invited to a birthday party yesterday, but I can't go. I really like the person and all, but the party is in North Carolina, which, since I am in California, is further than I can walk. Even on a Friday. Still it was nice to be invited.

    I wanted to go biking yesterday, but my rear wheel need to be trued. The wobble is pretty severe, though, so I'm not sure it can be done. How can my wheel get bent when all my bike's been doing for the last six months is hang in the garage? I don't know. But, if I have to buy a new rim, I'll do it.

    Lord, all I want to do is crawl under my desk, curl up into a little fetal ball and suck my lollipop. Can't do that, though. Gotta stay up. Gotta stay awake. Okay, I'm going to make some tea.

    Good. Lemon tea. My tummy doesn't feel any better, but at least it's warm.

    Weighed myself this morning. Lost another two pounds, somehow (illness?) I'm almost down to my fighting weight. Told me little sister I lost weight and she said that that was obscene and that she hopes it's a tapeworm. I saw last weekend, when I went up to Davis. She looks good. She sounds happy when talking with her boyfriend (who wasn't there and whom (you'll never guess) my parents hate.) She did make ribs for me, by the way.

    Got a couple of cold calls from head-hunters. I guess someone must have forwarded the phone list before they quit. I don't want to start looking for a job yet. I want to wait until I get back from my trip. Does that sound selfish? I just want to make my vacation as enjoyable as possible and I think I'd feel better if I didn't have to worry about the pressure of starting a new job while I'm away. Of course I'll have the pressure of having to look for a job, but that's okay. I enjoy being unemployed (although not the negative cash flow bit.)

    It's official. I'm sick. When I get sick I usually feel sensitive and prickly (like pins and needles) up and down my back, which is how I feel now. That sucks because it makes it very, very difficult to sleep.

    Work was a bitch today. I had a ton of work to do, but I got it all done. That didn’t leave me any time to play around here, so this is probably going to be my only node of the day.

    Last night was awful. I got home from working out, had some dinner, and took a shower. After my shower, I had some time before going to play bingo, so I sat down at my computer to play a game. Outside, the neighbor chick had a bunch of stupid “gangsta” wannabe’s hanging out with her in the parking lot, and they were being really obnoxious. Since it was hot outside, I had the windows open and could hear every word. I’m not offended easily, so I didn’t really care about their swearing, but it was getting annoying listening to it over and over again. This isn’t the first time this has happened, so I decided to take the time to write a letter to my landlord about it. When I first moved into this apartment complex, it was really quiet, which is what I wanted. That’s why I chose this complex.

    Some background here – my neighbor is an older woman, probably in her 50’s, and she was rarely home since she was always at her boyfriend’s house. Ever since June, her daughter has been staying in her apartment. I’ve listened to her daughter fighting with a boyfriend, breaking up with a boyfriend, and now she seems to be attempting to find the next boyfriend judging from the number of males that come and go from her place.

    So, I wrote the letter, and went to play bingo. It turns out that the bingo game was at the wrong time and Pete screwed up, so I came home and called Alex. I figured that since Alex had been complaining recently about my not being spontaneous enough, I would call him and see if I could come over. No dice. He was in the middle of a project and feeling antisocial, so I said goodnight and decided to watch some TV before bed. I noticed at that time that the gangsta idiots were back outside and being obnoxious still.

    About 11:30, I got into bed and read for a while. The party seemed to be going on in full swing out there, which I wasn’t pleased about. Their cigarette smoke was drifting into my apartment and my car was out there. I can just about bet that my car was being used as a chair. It kept getting louder outside and I was nervous about asking them to knock it off. You really never know who might have a gun these days, plus my car was sitting out there and I didn’t want to find my tires slashed in the morning. I turned off the light about 12:15 am, and hoped that seeing my bedroom light go out would quiet everyone down.

    Nope, it sure didn’t. Come 1am, I was tired and upset. I called the police, and asked them to send an officer over to quiet the people down. The officer arrived about 10 minutes later, and everyone shut up and went inside the chick’s apartment. I finally fell asleep.

    3:15 am – drunken idiocy outside my bedroom window woke me up. I considered calling the police again, but hoped that they would all go home soon. 3:45 am – still noisy and I was about to reach for the phone, when I heard the sprinklers come on and a few cries of “What the fuck??” I guess that’ll teach you to sit on the curb next to a sprinkler head. The party broke up after that, and I got back to sleep.

    Needless to say, when my alarm went off at 6:45, I was tired and pissed off. I called my landlord from work and went off on him for about 15 minutes. He sounded pissed at me, but said he’d take care of the problem. I hope so.

    In other silly news, I had to call my health insurance company today and get authorization to visit the shrink I had an appointment with. It turns out that my specific plan doesn’t cover this doctor. BLAH. So, I had to find out which doctors were covered and make more phone calls. I got an appointment with another doctor for the same day of the other appointment, and actually spoke with this doctor on the phone. He’s asian, and sounds kind of insane on the phone. He kept giggling at me when we were speaking. I’m not sure what to think at this point. I don’t know if I want to trust my mental health to someone who is insane. I guess we’ll see. The appointment is for two weeks from today.

    This weekend I will be seeing my family and my EAP counselor. Hopefully, I’ll find some time for fun. Today is payday which is cool, but I have to sit and pay my bills, including my rent. I am tempted to withhold my rent until that chick is gone from the complex, but I doubt that would work.

    Nodes That I Wrote Today:

    CD’s I’ve Listened To Today:
    Nine Inch NailsThe Fragile

    We’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide.

    Some self-described dotcom is interested in hiring me. Honestly, I'd really rather work for Berkeley or the Asian Art Museum. I saw their office building, which is in the IKON building between Alameda and the Oakland Coliseum. Very...generic. But, I have my very first job interview, so that's encouraging, eh? And I'm SUPPOSED to meet Starrynight and do Nihonmachi and Tangrenjie, but he hasn't called or e-mailed yet, so...hm.

    I got hooked up with crosswinds.net and they may prove to be okay. Works fine with Outlook Express, at any rate. Props ta Segnbora-t for the suggestion. (I think 'twas she, at any rate)

    I have relationship turbulence. It makes me terribly distressed. I don't like it. Plus I don't know what's going on tomorrow. I need chocolate.

    Oh, and MSIE 5.5 is giving me a 403 Forbidden on every website. I'm having to use the AOL browser, for crying out loud.

    My boyfriends friend died the other day, and I didn't know how to react. I was of course shocked and at the same time i felt very out of place. I knew this friend very briefly yet I was so overwhelmed with a feeling of helpless agony that until today felt completely out of line.
    I now realize that my feelings of grief and pain weren't all for the diseased but also because I found something i couldn't make better. A time when I couldn't take away the pain. Today I discovered being in love feels so different from just loving.

    Oh dear.

    I did ab crunches and press ups to demonstrate to my wife how they're done. I didn't over do them, I'm sure... but I feel rotten now! (I'd write more, but my arms are shaky...) I guess I'll have to do some more on Monday!

    I've two weeks' holiday, too, so plenty of time for exercise. I might be fit in time for autumn!

    Yesterday | Tomorrow
    Skip to Monday


    Woke at 05:30, went for breakfast at 07:30 (at the Las Vegas Hilton). The coffee refills were in serious decline. Up until this point they had been coffee pot ninjas, but it started to get way busy over the start of the week-end. They sat us at a table, sandwiched between two tables. Shortly after we had gotten our coffee they seated two men to my left: An Asian man in his 50s and a balding white male in his 50s, with glasses. The latter one immediately launched into a tangent, and the other dude said about three words.

    During breakfast, over 45 minutes, we learned that his name is John, inferred that he has socialist leanings, and is an anthropologist, though at first we weren't certain if he was a priest, a doctor, or some kind of scientist. We also learned enough about the Hutterites to give a decent PowerPoint presentation on them to a general-interest crowd. Hell, we didn't even know they existed, and now we have a real jump-start! John (who was loud) said that he was the first outsider, like ever, to be accepted by them, and that his work was pioneering. He wasn't the most modest person we've seen. We went back to the room to brush our teeth and looked the Hutterites up on the web, where we learned even more. At that point I thought I knew more than enough of the Hutterites. In fact, I was sick of them and their "laser-guided combines."

    Note: it has just been made known to me that this is Prof. John A. Hostetler, professor of sociology and anthropology at Temple University in Philadelphia. Ahem. Props to John, our breakfast lecturer.

    We got to the Alexis by 10:00 to register. It looked like they had three times the number of people as the previous year. In 1994 there were about 300 people. Sheesh.

    I don't think we saw any talks that day, though we had tentatively planned on two IDS speakers at 17:00. Once we were back in the hotel we got tired and stuph so we stayed in. We had dinner somewhere - Quark's? It's the restaurant in the Star Trek Experience. We had the pizza, which was pretty good, but apparently our waitress thought that one would be enough only for a high-fashion model, so were stuck with two large pizzas (a little more than one full one at the end). So, if you ever go, one pizza's enough for two people under most circumstances. After dinner we watched some CNN and passed out.

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