Gender: a treatise (idea)

I may have been conceived with an XY chromosome pairing, and I may have been born with male genitalia. This makes my biological sex male. This does not make my gender male.

I believe that, as a species, we have evolved to the point where gender exists merely as a social construct, a convenient way of labelling and stereotyping people based on age-old instincts which are no longer relevant. Should I be forced to put myself into a gender bucket, I would call myself female, but really I consider myself to be neither, or both, depending on point of view. I only refer to myself in the feminine as a matter of convenience, because what gender identity I have tends to lean towards the female "side."

You may call me a "fag" or "queer," but the only reason it would offend me is because you are so fixated upon the gender stereotypes which you have been forced into that you are unwilling to realize that there is no gender, outside of these neat little classifications which are slowly eroding into nothingness.

I dislike my genitalia, because they do not match me, and they do not please me. Personally, I would prefer to be sexually neither male nor female, but simply asexual, androgynous, neuter, save for wanting a pair of breasts, or two if I can manage it. That's likely more due to the testosterone which still courses through my body than to my identity with the "fairer" sex. In my ideal body, I'd have no genitalia, simply errogenous zones. That is achievable with today's technology; in fact, it's been done. This ideal sex is also the state of all of my MUCK characters, save for one, who has female genitalia, though she's still functionally neuter. I don't particularly care about the ability to breed.

All these studies about gender and technological skill are bullshit. They only set out to reinforce the gender barriers. About half of the true Computer Science students I know are female, in mind and/or body. In fact, the two I know who are most driven to learn (as opposed to just getting a degree) are female. One of them never even had any exposure to computers until recently, and although she has nearly no skill, that doesn't stop her from learning, from having the spark which is present in all real CS geeks, the desire to know how things work and to feel the code, and she is gaining that skill very quickly, at an incredibly admirable rate.

Likewise, the recent "study" (and I use that term loosely - 33 hastily-returned surveys does not a study make) about men playing as women are bullshit too. I think that most of the respondants, insecure of their roles as evolved, potentially-intelligent beings, are lying to themselves about their reasons; for the most part, they're simply acting out on their base knowledge that they aren't completely Male, and are trying to have at least some correction for the gender role they're forced into by society. Anyone who was comfortable and adamant about being male wouldn't choose a female character, even for a "psychological advantage."

In real life, I'm working to bring down the gender typecasts surrounding myself, and replace them with how I really do feel, and how I'm able to express myself online: open regarding gender and feelings, not forced into an artificial, suffocating male gender role. It's not the duality between real and virtual self, but simply social conventions which I have been unwilling to be a trendsetter in breaking on my own. Then again, real life doesn't have a way of making it easy. One of the things which pisses me off most is when I'm grocery shopping and someone makes some comment about how I must do all the cooking (what, just because I'm cursed with facial hair and a lack of breasts means I can't or won't cook?) or how "my woman" must be sick or something. I have a slew of witty retorts for such situations, though I've yet to successfully execute any of them.

Online, I'm relaxed about the "truth" about me. The only times I've hidden the fact that I have male genitalia RL have been while dealing with twinks who just want to get me in bed, even though they're nowhere near me. Stringing such people along is no crime in my book. I also do nothing to hide my "real" identity, though it's a bit of a rule (or, more appropriately, a running gag) that I always tiptoe around my legal name and any connections between my various selves, which is more political than anything. Online, people typically see me as a female who happens to have a traditionally-male niche in life. Especially those who know I have a penis.

One of the things I like most is when I'm "mistaken" for a woman; that is, when the gender lines are blurred, and someone calls me "ma'am." Usually they realize their "mistake" relatively quickly, and either cover up or apologize profusely. Some of the most frustrating times with these situations are when a child refers to me as a woman, and then their adult supervisor corrects them. Adults, sadly, have already been molded into their own bipolar pretenses regarding gender, and wish to educate children in the same way.

It saddens me that in this society, anyone who would want to willingly remove their own sexual function or otherwise change their physical sex (or other aspects about themselves, though that's another rant) is labelled a pervert, a lunatic, a disturbed individual, a fag, stupid, or deranged. It saddens me that people are violently killed for having caused an apparently great injustice to the world by not being an XY male who wants nothing more than to fuck a woman.

I don't want a genderless society. I want a society where people can be whatever gender they are, can change their expressed gender without repercussions, and aren't labelled based on what mixture of hormones would be in their blood for a "normal" person of their biological sex. I want to be a neuter female, and I'd prefer if people were fine with that. I don't want to be labelled a transsexual, transvestite, or even as transgender; if gender isn't a strong, dividing line, how can it be crossed, as all those terms mean? Since I must be labelled, I'd like to be labelled for what I am: a computer scientist.

Go ahead, call me a fag, or stupid, or deranged, and watch me care. Chances are, I won't.

Or, hopefully, you understand what I'm getting at, or at least don't think I'm a complete nutball. You might be confused how to address me. Address me however you want. I won't correct you, since gender is relative anyway. I'd prefer the appropriate female titling and pronouns, but I won't jump down your throat if you refer to me as 'he.' Just do what feels comfortable to you, as long as you don't insult me without good reason. :)