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SO YOU'VE BEEN MISPERCEIVED AS A HOMOSEXUAL

or, "Am I a fauxmosexual?"

What is a red-blooded heterosexual male to do? Herewith The Management presents a guide to help men in such straits (*snort*) better present their true natures:

To convince your homosexual friends that you are not playing for the same team as they:

To convince your heterosexual friends of your good standing:

Or, to easily satisfy both sides of the fence when challenged, politely smile and say, "I apologize, but I don't believe my choice of partner is any of your business... if, in fact, it were any of your business, why, YOU'D ALREADY KNOW."