This is about a bad experience.
The advertisement I saw said to call the number listed in order to "Talk to a hot blonde now." So, having some time and feeling lonely and not knowing what else to do I decided to call the number, which began with a 1-900 series of numbers and spelled some words I won't put down here because after my experience I cannot endorse this service or product.
A very irritable man with a gruff voice answered the ringing phone that I dialed and he just said "WHAT?" into the phone at me. So, I paused for a moment and then asked him if I had called the right number to talk to a hot blonde now. He did not say anything and it sounded like he put down the phone. I was filled with some degree of hope thinking that maybe the hot blonde would pick up the phone and begin talking to me, perhaps about current events, or about how I put my dogs down when I moved to Wichita briefly or maybe about snack foods. My hopes were dashed when the gruff man picked up the phone again and said, "She's taking a crap."
I asked if maybe I could call back at another time and considered telling him that the information he had given me was more than I needed or wanted to know as it made the hot blonde less hot when I had to make an image in my mind of her going to the toilet. He said I could not hang up or the hot blonde would be angry at me and with him because she was having her period and that made her have dramatic mood swings. So, in order to pass the time I tried to start a conversation with the man.
"Do you think Michael Jackson is guilty?" I asked him. This question is very topical.
"Are you wearing any pants, asshole?" he replied in a gruff voice (which I am saying even though I have already established in this true story that he has a gruff voice just so that I can emphasize what I was going through).
"Yes. I'm wearing khakis. I bought them at Wal-Mart."
"Loser."
"Should I take them off?"
"Not while you're on the phone with me but you better have them completely off when she gets done wiping her ass or she'll be pissed off beyond belief."
"Maybe I could call back at another time?" I was unwilling to tell him that I did not really want to ever call again and wished I had not placed the first call which I was currently involved in and not enjoying.
"She's almost done."
"Okay."
"Just so you know, she's very bitchy when she's having her period. She might tear your head off if you say the wrong thing."
"What is the wrong thing?"
"Nevermind that. Just make sure you tell her she makes you hard."
"Okay."
"Here she is. Get ready."
There was a pause and then the man came back on the phone and he was now pretending to be a woman by talking in a badly impersonated feminine voice. I was appalled and frightened.
"Tee hee. Hello, sweetie." This did not cause me to have any featured arousal of the kind intended.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"This is the hot blonde that just took a shit."
"Are you sure this isn't the man who answered the phone?" My question was pertinent.
"Fuck you, creep." She hung up the phone. This type of language was upsetting.
The call cost me $86 and appeared on my next telephone bill. Once again, I DO NOT endorse this product or service.