PornQuest 2006 is now closed.

Thank you to everyone who submitted a writeup. I have been completely blown away by the quality of submissions that PQ2k6 attracted (not that I expected anything less of you guys of course), and picking the winner has been a tough choice. Seriously. But there can be only one... and that one is...

Mirza Porter!, who wins $69 in Amazon gift vouchers for their PornQuest entry, Nina Hartley!

I, of course, express the hope that all of that will be spent on porn.

Runners-up are Dick Central and Prancer Roslyn, who each get 69XP for their stunning contributions to the quest.

Thanks again to everyone else who participated; a C! will be working its way out to you eventually. Au revoir mes amis!

Well, the World Cup is over. It's been an emotional journey for the followers of the World's favourite sport, but Italy have played their game well and now stand victorious. It's been emotional folks. I wouldn't have it any other way.

But now there is an empty space in my life. A lack of purpose. A restlessness that stirs at my soul... Thank god for the internet, eh? When I was a small child, whenever I was bored and had a dictionary or encyclopaedia in front of me, I'd look up rude words. Now I'm an adult, and I've got the internet in front of me. Forget the individual rude words, I can look up great chunks of rude words, cunningly put together. I can look up rude pictures and I can look up rude movies. I can look up things that are so rude, they make me feel slightly ill.

So, I looked out into the great big wide world, and then I looked back into this tiny kingdom, and I got to thinking.

Okay, so E2 can't do pictures and movie clips, but it can do the rude wordage... can't it? It has to be said that while E2 is seemingly packed to the gills with young, horny people whose mind only rarely stray from thoughts of a carnal nature, the best that they appear to be able to focus this sex-lust into is writing some poor, pox-ridden excuse for 'erotica'. I wouldn't mind so much, but it doesn't even turn me on. If you are going to write drivel, at least make some attempt to push my buttons. Remember, WWJJD? Okay, forget the rude wordage. I can at least find some background information about all these rude pictures and movies I'm watching, right? Apparently not. And so I came to the inevitable conclusion.

E2 has a hole that needs to be filled.

And so I reveal my new, management unendorsed Quest for the post-World Cup July period. Porn. Or for those of you who are reading this in a public library, or at their grandmothers' while at a Sunday family lunch,


Yes, porn. Considering the wealth of knowledge that can be noded about porn, it is positively shameful that E2 is so... under endowed.

We need to grab this opportunity with both hands.

So, what is your good Aunt paraclete looking for this time? Well, quite simply, anything porn related. Let's be specific about this: not sex related; porn related. I don't want any essays about the mechanism of ejaculation. However, if you want to write me an essay about the whys and wherefores of the come shot, then you've got yourself a PornQuest entry. Well, you would, if only Pseudo_Intellectual hadn't got there first. Damn, eh? Still, a good example of what I'm looking for here. So, a writeup detailing the spanking fetish? No. A writeup about a spanking fetish magazine? Oh yes, baby. yes... yes... YES... YES...

Anyone who makes a decent effort to intellectualise the subject of porn is going to impress. For instance: a discussion of the myths and realities of the links between porn and violence; why do heterosexual men find girl-on-girl porn so fascinating; is porn a liberator or shackler of women? Other suggestions include writeups of porn magazines and porn films; biographies of porn stars; your own porn scripts... aww, jeez, use your imaginations, people. And since the lines are so blurred most of the time anyway, there's a good chance I'll accept things that would be better classed as 'erotica'... which opens the floodgates for fiction and poetry. In fact, how about a writeup tells us about the "subtle" difference between erotica and pornography? By the way, we're missing a writeup of Andrea Dworkin's 'Pornography: Men Possessing Women'. I'm not just looking for pro-porn content here, y'know. Also, it doesn't have to be all serious; read Footprint's 'How Jenna Jameson Saved Christmas' and let your imaginations run wild. My country just played some really bad football. I could do with the laughs.

If at any point you're unsure if something you wish to submit to the quest is suitable, then feel free to /msg me.

Oh, and the porn / pornography nodes themselves could do with a decent writeup or five.

Wiki version.

Our version.

Wiki version.

Our version.

Did you notice the difference there? Startling, wasn't it? You can do the same for Linda Lovelace (Them, Us); Jenna Jameson (Them, Us); Ginger Lynn Allen (Them, Us); Lexington Steele (Them, Us)... I'm sure I needn't go on. If you're thinking of doing any biographies, then Wiki has a list of porn stars here, and the Internet Adult Film Database and Adult Film Database (both of those are probably NSFW) may also prove to be of use; remember when completing your writeup that I will want to see their (ahem) vital statistics, aliases, and a filmography. Some folk have been fairly prolific actors, so in these instances, exercise your judgement as to their career highlights. Do your best to be better than Wiki; I want what they've got and more. And don't forget to cite your sources. If you're writing up a porn film, remember that once they've found a title that works they tend to stick with it until they run out of numbers. So if you want to review 'Anal Addicts 14', and only 'Anal Addicts 14', please could you file it under 'Anal Addicts'; otherwise it'll just get silly. Preferably, you'll write about the entire 'Anal Addicts' series though...

So, I think that's about all that you need to know. /msg me when you've posted an entry and I shall add it to the list. The /msg me bit is important, because I'm not psychic, and I don't want you whining at me when I fail to include your writeup in the list.

PornQuest starts shooting on 15th July, 00:00 server time, and will packaged up and on sale in a den of ill repute near you as of 31st July, 23:59 server time.

Oh, and this is not an official E2 quest, therefore prize is something best described as bottle-blonde and wearing a g-string, that laughs in the face of XP and chings.

PornQuest 2006

Starring, in order of appearance:

Tiger Gidley - Baby Blue movie
Boots Calderdale - Peter North
Skippy Cyprus - Another little piece
Chandler Washington - The social meaning of simultaneous vaginal-anal penetration in the first years of this century
Cindy Empire - Cytherea
Kitty Ellerdine - July 15, 2006
Darwin Oso Grande - Problems with Porn
Leo Christopher - Bipartisan Pornitics
Shadow Davis - Internet Pornography
Ginger Titchfield - Long Dong Silver
Andrew Grape - Fuck Machine
Dick Central - Polypropylene string breast implants
Budd Outremont - Slouching Towards Gomorrah
Cotton Wildwood - July 20, 2006
Prancer Roslyn - cam girl
Snuffy Zencaro - The Stile Project
Jim Buckthorne - Behind Closed Doors
Boots Calderdale - Traci Lords
Mao Eastvale - Tijuana Bible
Mirza Porter - Nina Hartley
Dick Central - Pornography vocabulary
Suzette Goodfellow - An Opinion on the Question of Pornography
Leo Alexandra - phone sex lines
Boots Calderdale - Bukkake
Dick Central - Farang Ding Dong
Kiki Ovington - The Pillowman
Jake Highland - animal transformation fantasy porn
Buck Magnum - The Most Expensive Porn in the World
Rick Cucumber - Justine - In the Heat of Passion

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