The long-distance
relationship (LDR) has many advantages and disadvantages. Generally, unless this is
The One it is best avoided. But at some point most of us will meet a person who is or seems to be so
sexy/
smart/
nice/
funny that the disadvantages will be temporarily obscured, and an LDR will ensue. Thus I offer the following suggestions.
1) Get a really good long-distance calling plan. A plan that offers
unlimited calling for a
low monthly rate is best. When the LDR is good, you will no doubt want to call your loved one everytime you have a good day (or a bad day) or learn something new; in fact, you will want to call everytime you
breath. When it is bad, you will want to call to be reassured that it is not bad, or to
fight. These phone calls will add up to lots of
money, and a big
phone bill arriving after you have broken-up will cause
bitterness. (Damn, I could have called
people I like!)
2) Get used to long periods of
abstinence followed by a brief weekends of having tons of
sex with a person you barely
know anymore. Actually, this isn't unlike my
normal state of being except that when you are in a LDR, you know that there is someone you could be having sex with regularly but for the cruel facts of
geography. And if an opportunity to have sex with a stranger arises, you will have to
say no, or suffer from
guilt which will erode the LDR. And remember, even if your loved one is thousands of miles away, it is a
small world.
You will get caught!
3) If you can develop an
enjoyment of suffering than you will love being in an LDR! Learn to
brood, wear
black clothing to signify your dispair and always remember to
share your pain with friends. Because they care they will want to listen to long accountings of how great your long-distance love is, and how
painful the seperation is to you. If they don't, then they aren't your real friends. If at the demise of the LDR you find yourself without friends, well this will suit your new, darker personality. After all,
we all die alone in the end.
Final note: If possible, try to have an
open relationship. This will allow you the
freedom to sleep with other people without the above mentioned guilt. And since your loved one is far, far away, you probably won't have to actually meet any of the people s/he dated in your absence.