April 21, 2003

I've got an appointment to see a divorce lawyer at 0900. It's a very strange feeling. It's mostly good - the heavy, heavy burden about having to worry about how my decisions will affect my marriage has been completely lifted from my shoulders. I'm also finding myself looking at my soon-to-be-ex-husband with affection and pity rather than fear and hostility. I do care about hin, I want the best for him, and for the kids, and for me, and none of those things include me staying married to him.

The bad part is how hurt my daughter is about all this. I knew she would be. My kids love their daddy - I've made sure of that, excusing his defects and failures and reminding them of the good times they've had together. I've reassured my daughter that this changes nothing between her and her daddy, and I've explained to her that this doesn't have anything to do with her OR with Tony - it has to do with the fact that her daddy and I are too different and we can't live together in peace.

My son really doesn't care too much. His daddy has only been around for about 2 years of his almost 6 years of life, and he's been perfectly happy with Tony as a replacement father figure.

Anyway, I'm happy and at peace with this, except for my daughter's pain. I wish I could make it go away... the ever-elusive magic wand of parenting... *sigh*

My parents shot the Easter Bunny

I lay in my sleeping bag on the rigid floor, trying to catch as much sleep that I can before it fleets away from me... only returning the following evening. It's 8:00 in the morning. My uncle comes into the room and starts bellowing about how we (my cousins and I) need to start getting ready for church. What? Church... already? What about the infamous basket search and chocolate feast? I chuckle to myself as these thoughts run through my head, and I reminisce back to the morn I first discovered there is no oversized rabbit running around dropping off baskets of candy for little boys and girls.

I was six. An age of ignorance, yet the gaining of wisdom was soon to come. It's Easter and I had just awoken, brushing the sleep from my eyes and fantasizing about what lay ahead. Succulent marshmallow, sugar-coated, chocolate goodies await me as I step from my bed and downstairs. I finally reach the living room and there it sits, with all its radiant glory, my Easter basket. It's positioned just right on the coffee table. I see from the kitchen it's brimming with all sorts of tasty treats and foil-wrapped candies just waiting to give me a stomach ache and rot my teeth out. But what's this...?

IT'S THE SAME FUCKING BASKET FROM LAST YEAR!!!. How can this be? That's never happened before. The Easter Bunny doesn't recycle baskets! This must be some sort of mistake... My parents begin their descent from their room, thoughts race through my mind of what to ask. Eventually I manage to stutter out that this was the same basket from last year and all they could say was,

"Yeah, we didn't feel the need to buy a new basket."

So that's it. My parents are the Easter Bunny. So in essence there is no easter bunny, just my parents pulling a funny prank on me. I dropped my chocolate, sat down, and cried...

I drift back to reality and laugh at the 'good old times' Being seventeen it doesn't seem so bad, there not being an Easter Bunny that is. I manage to pull myself up off the floor and make my way into the kitchen. There's a chocolate rabbit waiting on the table with my name on the cellophane wrapper. Its neck is broken.

I have been going to Al-Anon meetings for about two months, now. Part of “working the program” includes understanding, accepting, and living the twelve steps, which is not a quick or easy practice. I am an academic by nature; it is helping me to read everything I can get my hands on about each step in turn, think about it, listen to others, and then write my responses. I’ve been writing my responses here, and will continue to do so until such point that I decide not to. In any event, this daylog is going to be about Step Three.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I picked apart the first two steps pretty much word for word, trying to figure out the significance of their phrasing, and find the meanings that worked for me. This step, however, is not an intellectual exercise; to me it seems to call for a leap of faith. I don’t feel I have to pick it all apart, but I do want to record my thoughts. I have found it helpful to go back and re-read what I wrote about steps one and two, and see how my thinking has changed (or how I have become more comfortable with the ideas, and able to apply them in my life.) I like being able to point to what I have written and feel like I have “done” the step; not that I’m finished with it (I am still learning how to integrate these ideas into my life daily and consistently), but that I have given it serious consideration and have accepted (my version) of it.

I had been worrying about letting go of my will, about what that meant and how one would go about it and whether I really wanted to, anyway. If I’m going to turn over my life and my actions, it has to be to someone I have confidence in—not, for instance, dubya’s God. I wanted whomever I was turning things over to, to be socially and politically on the same page as I was. I felt like I had a breakthrough, however, one night when my sponsor was talking about Love. Okay, how many times had I heard God is Love ? That evening, I heard it differently. I realized that I would be comfortable praying for Love to be my guide—for love to replace anger, and fear, and irritation. Suddenly, this step seemed less drastic, less scary, and much more do-able. In some ways, it was less about giving myself over to an unknown (and unknowable) than about changing focus in my life, making something that I knew to be great and good and worthwhile a priority in all my actions. It suddenly seemed wider in scope, and yet at the same time somehow more manageable.

So, I’m trying to do it. I am trying to use my will and my life as a path and an avenue for love. This is a huge task. It’s not like I just made the decision and it was done; I’m trying, whenever I think of it, to ask for patience and guidance and that I act with loving-kindness. I am trying to be conscious of my actions, so that I might break out of old, destructive or ineffectual patterns. It takes time and effort, and I’m not very good at it yet--I don't even see all the ways I could be altering my behavior, yet--but I am encouraged by the changes in my attitude and my perspective I have made already. I am encouraged each time I manage to find even a small opportunity to be loving rather than impatient, understanding rather than short, empathetic rather than selfish. I am heartened by the fact that I am learning ways to change and grow.

Putting my life in God's hands is very much an act of will and effort. I can choose not to answer quickly, angrily, defensively--not to yell. I can wait, be patient, be silent--wait overnight, sometimes--until a different perspective and a different way of behaving in the situation occurs to me, because I read it or hear it in a meeting, or it just comes. The action that I ultimately choose is still my decision, but I can wait and ask for input and advice. This way, my action may be more or better that what I could handle/ come up with/ do on my own.

My sponsor put it this way:

"God wants me to practice the divine attributes, aka qualities that lessen the ego (separate self) which are patience, persistence, accepting the world as it is, forbearance (refraining), moral courage & confidence, freedom from worry, cheerfulness, enthusiasm, equipoise, one-pointedness, and availing oneself of the help of HP. By practicing these qualities one experiences egoism being replaced by humility, surging desires replaced by steadily growing contentment, and selfishness replaced by selfless love. I believe this is how God wants me to turn my will and life over, gradually applying these qualities to all situations."

One does not graduate from Al-Anon; I am engaged in an ongoing process. I am trying to be mindful; I am practicing.

I pray that I may grow in my ability to use each day with poise, wisdom, and a touch of humor. With God’s help, I can teach myself not to turn little troubles into big ones.¹

I feel like I’ve started on the right path.

---

¹One Day At A Time in Al-Anon,© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1968, 1972, 2000, page 93.

Quotation from my sponsor used by permission; she in turn was paraphrasing Meher Baba, from his book entitled Discourses.

The Twelve Steps Step One | Step Two | Step Four | Step Five | Step Six | Step Seven | Step Eight

I took my car to the Subaru dealer this morning to have them install the accessories they agreed to when I bought the car. The Romanian car salesman drove up to the service area to drive me back to work.

The following conversation went something like this:

Car Salesman: In my country, there is much more celebration around Easter time, we have big feast, people take many days off work .. here you do not do this sort of thing ..

evilkalla: Yes, that's true .. Americans take off the least amount of time from work than most other countries in the world ..

Car Salesman: Yes, yes, it's true, very fast paced you are here.

evilkalla: Well what about the French? Those guys work like 30 hours a week, if that ..

Car Salesman: Oh yes, the French, very rude people, always concerned with money and how much money you have, all about money all the time, I don't like them ...

evilkalla: Well what about the Italians? They pretty much take off the month of August ..

Mentioning Italians was a mistake ....

Car Salesman: Ahhhhh yesss, the Italians ... Italian men, yes, have such a great reputation for being fantastic lovers ..

evilkalla: uhhhhhh

Car Salesman: Oh yes, so many things come easy to you if you are competent sexually ....

evilkalla: ..............

How do you say "Dude, too much information!" in Romanian?

There are three things about men I have learned over the years I have spent with them. First and foremost it’s not what they say but what they do that matters to them most. While rinsing the dishes after Easter dinner yesterday afternoon, through the kitchen window I watched my husband check the fluids in my car. I understand that he is doing that because he wants to make sure that I am safe on the road and that small act speaks volumes to me about how much I am loved.

The first man in my life was my dad and he built in me a reliance in men through his actions. Stationed at Travis AFB in Illinois in the dead of winter, we had lived there for a brief six weeks where I had attended no less than three schools. One in the area where we rented an apartment while house hunting, a second one on base, then finally a house.

A month later Dad received orders for Vietnam. It was horribly unfair. He wasn’t supposed to go for at least two more years, but a General’s son was called up, strings were pulled and he was removed from “the list.” Dad moved us out to California got us settled ASAP and then he was gone. I was heartbroken and lost in all the flotsam and jetsam of moving. Fear kept my nose buried in any thing readable and he was gone before shock wore off and realization set in. California was not the best place to be at the time and where we were living there was no group of military brats to speak of. Thirteen years old is a hard age to be and it’s easy to get swept up in popular fads, girls who protested the war by carving peace symbols in their thighs pushed me up against the lockers one afternoon between classes and pulled my stockings down. I slowly reached down and pulled them back up by the tops never taking my eyes off her. I managed to keep it together until I got home and sobbed out my story to the Base Ops operator who was just as sympathetic as can be. He routed my call to Guam where a pay phone rang in a quonset hut located on Anderson AFB. As providence would have it my father was walking by when it rang.

Daddy???

I had a terrible day!

Everyday after that phone call he sent us a taped message, no matter what. Sometimes the package would have candy or a letter. Several months later a jewelry box came in the mail. It was made out of teak, stained dark mahogany and trimmed with an intricate Oriental design in brass. Every day for nine days on R&R in Hawaii he gave me a piece of jewelry to keep in that new jewelry box. One day it was a bracelet the next day an opal necklace. This is how my father loves his daughters.

After the dishes were done Kiki and I went for a walk down to the park where we sat on the bench behind the backstop to watch families enjoy the warm spring afternoon. A little boy literally danced across the playing field in big whoops and hollers as his father unloaded a fairly good-sized gasoline powered toy car.

This is the second thing I have learned about men. There is not a whole lot of difference between men and boys except the size of their feet and their toys.

That little red car rocketed and zoomed all over the field as the boy and his dog took turns chasing it through dusty clouds as dad held the controls broad faced and grinning. Just to see all that glee and innocence more than made up for the blaring racket it was making, but apparently one of the neighbors didn’t think so.

Or so I imagined when two of Tucson’s finest showed up. I began to worry that they would ticket the father because the car wasn’t legal for some reason or perhaps it would be for not having his dog on a leash. I thought how sad that the little boy and his father’s special day was about to be ruined. The policed talked to the man for a little bit while the boy stood patiently at his father’s side. They pointed to the racket-making car and asked them several questions then headed off to the police car while the father started the little red gasoline car back up. I had to laugh out loud when I saw the officer’s returned with their radar gun and aimed it at the little car now zipping merrily along..... men and boys and feet and toys yes indeed.

Kiki and I finished up our walk and when we got home burst into the bedroom to tell my husband what we saw. Bubbling over with excitement I started right into the story when my husband grinned, cocked his head to the side and asked,

Why do you always come in here when I’m naked?

Oh yea… that’s the third thing I’ve learned about men.

---

I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever.
Psalm 52:8 (NIV)

Devotion

There has been alot of news coverage of the war on Iraq in the news this spring. But the real war in Iraq has been the war against Polio, and was an incredible success! 14,000 volunteer Iraqi health workers went door to door and immunized over 4 million children under the age of 5, that's over 98% of them.

The project was run by the Iraqi Ministry of Health and supported by UNICEF. Most of the $500,000 price tag for this project was funded by the European Community Humanitarian Office.

I do not known what the impact of this war has had on the other ongoing campaign to irradicate the measles, and the planned immunization of 500,000 Iraqi children. My concern is that the currently defunct Ministry of Health was managing the campaign, with UNICEF's financial and logistical support, including providing half a million doses of vaccine.

If you are interested in this please check back on this node, as I will update it with more information on both immunization projects and the effects this war has had on them.

For more information see:

http://www.polioeradication.org/

---

I haven't been able to locate a list on E2, of those US and British war heros lost in the Iraq war so I thought I'd share this:

Capt. Philip Stuart Guy, helicopter crash
Color Sgt. John Cecil, Plymouth, England, helicopter crash
Cpl. Stephen John Allbutt, Stoke-on-Trent, England, tank hit by friendly fire
Flight Lt. David Rhys Williams, jet shot down by friendly fire
Flight Lt. Kevin Barry Main, jet shot down by friendly fire
Fusilier Kelan John Turrington, combat
Lance Bombardier Llewelyn Karl Evans, Llandudno, Wales, helicopter crash
Lance Cpl. Barry Stephen, Perth, Scotland, combat
Lance Cpl. Ian Malone, Dublin, Ireland, combat
Lance Cpl. Karl Shearer, killed in accident involving light armored vehicle
Lance Cpl. Matty Hull, combat; friendly fire
Lance Cpl. Shaun Andrew Brierley, road accident
Lt. Andrew Wilson, helicopter collision
Lt. Antony King, Helston, England, helicopter collision
Lt. James Williams, Falmouth, England, helicopter collision
Lt. Marc Lawrence, helicopter collision
Lt. Philip Green, helicopter collision
Lt. Philip West, Budock Water, England, helicopter collision
Maj. Jason Ward, helicopter crash
Marine Christopher R. Maddison, combat
Marine Sholto Hedenskog, helicopter crash
Operator Mechanic Second Class Ian Seymour, helicopter crash
Piper Christopher Muzvuru, combat
Sapper Luke Allsopp, London, combat
Sgt. Les Hehir, Poole, England, helicopter crash
Sgt. Steven Mark Roberts, Bradford, England, combat
Staff Sgt. Chris Muir, Romsey, England, killed while disposing of explosives
Staff Sgt. Simon Cullingworth, Essex, England, combat
Trooper David Jeffrey Clarke, Littleworth, England, tank hit by friendly fire
Warrant Officer Second Class Mark Stratford, helicopter crash

Air Force Maj. Gregory Stone, 40, Boise, Idaho, grenade attack
Air Force Staff Sgt. Scott D. Sather, 29, Clio, Michigan, combat
Army 1st Sgt. Robert J. Dowdy, 38, Cleveland, Ohio combat
Army 2nd Lt. Jeffrey J. Kaylor, 24, Clifton, Virginia, combat
Army Capt. Christopher Scott Seifert, 27, Easton, Pennsylvania, grenade attack
Army Capt. Edward J. Korn, 31, Savannah, Ga., combat
Army Capt. James F. Adamouski, 29, Springfield, Virginia, helicopter crash
Army Capt. Russell B. Rippetoe, 27, combat
Army Capt. Tristan N. Aitken, 31, State College, Pa., combat
Army Chief Warrant Officer Eric A. Smith, 42, Rochester, New York, helicopter crash
Army Chief Warrant Officer Erik Halvorsen, 40, Bennington, Vermont, helicopter crash.
Army Chief Warrant Officer Johnny Villareal Mata, 35, Pecos, Texas, combat
Army Chief Warrant Officer Scott Jamar, 32, Granbury, Texas, helicopter crash
Army Cpl. Henry L. Brown, 22, Natchez, Mississippi combat
Army Cpl. Michael Curtin, 23, Howell, New Jersey, suicide attack
Army Master Sgt. George A. Fernandez, 36, El Paso, Texas
Army Pfc. Anthony S. Miller, 19, San Antonio, Texas combat
Army Pfc. Diego Fernando Rincon, 19, Conyers, Georgia, suicide attack
Army Pfc. Gregory P. Huxley Jr., 19, Forestport, New York, combat
Army Pfc. Howard Johnson II, 21, Mobilela., combat
Army Pfc. Jason M. Meyer, 23, Swartz Creek, Michigan, combat
Army Pfc. Joseph P. Mayek, 20, of Rock Springs, Wyoming, weapons accident
Army Pfc. Lori Piestewa, 22, Tuba Cityriz., combat
Army Pfc. Michael Russell Creighton Weldon, 20, Palm Bay, Fla., suicide attack
Army Pfc. Wilfred D. Bellard, 20, Lake Charles, Louisiana, vehicle accident
Army Pvt. Brandon Sloan, 19, Bedford Heights, Ohio, combat
Army Pvt. Devon D. Jones, 19, San Diego, California, vehicle fell into ravine
Army Pvt. Johnny Brown, 21, Troyla., vehicle accident
Army Pvt. Kelley S. Prewitt, 24, Alabama, combat.
Army Pvt. Ruben Estrella-Soto, 18, El Paso, Texas, combat
Army Reserve Spc. Brandon S. Tobler, 19, Portland, Oregon, vehicle accident
Army Sgt. 1st Class John W. Marshall, 50, Los Angeles, California, combat
Army Sgt. 1st Class John W. Marshall, 50, Los Angeles, combat
Army Sgt. 1st Class Paul R. Smith, 33, of Tampa, Florida, combat
Army Sgt. 1st Class Randy Rehn, 36, Longmont, Colorado, combat
Army Sgt. Donald Walters, 33, Kansas City, Mo., combat
Army Sgt. Eugene Williams, 24, Highland, New York, suicide attack
Army Sgt. George Edward Buggs, 31, Barnwell, South Carolina, combat
Army Sgt. Jacob L. Butler, 24, Wellsville, Kansas, combat
Army Sgt. Michael Pedersen, 26, Flint, Mich., helicopter crash
Army Sgt. Roderic A. Solomon , 32, Fayetteville, North Carolina, vehicle accident
Army Sgt. Stevon Booker, 34 Apollo, Pa., combat
Army Sgt. Todd J. Robbins, 33, Hart, Michigan., combat
Army Sgt. Wilbert Davis, 40, Hinesville, Ga., vehicle accident
Army Spc. Brandon Rowe, 20, Roscoe, Illinois, combat]
Army Spc. Daniel Francis J. Cunningham, 33, Lewiston, Maine, vehicle accident
Army Spc. Donald S. Oaks Jr., 20, Harborcreek, Pa., combat]
Army Spc. George A. Mitchell, 35, Rawlings, Md., combat
Army Spc. Gil Mercado, 25, of Paterson, New Jersey, weapons accident
Army Spc. Gregory P. Sanders, 19, Hobart, Ind., combat
Army Spc. Jamaal R. Addison, 22, Roswell, Ga., combat
Army Spc. James Kiehl, 22, Comfort, Texas, combat
Army Spc. Larry K. Brown, 22, of Jackson, Mississippi, combat
Army Spc. Mathew Boule, 22, Dracut, Mass., helicopter crash
Army Spc. Richard A. Goward, 32, of Midland, Mich., vehicle accident
Army Spc. Ryan P. Long, 21, Seaford, Deleware, combat
Army Spc. Thomas Arthur Foley III, 23, of Dresden, Tenn., grenade accident
Army Spc. William A. Jeffries, 39, Evansville, Ind., illness
Army Staff Sgt. Lincoln Hollinsaid, 27, Malden, Ill., combat
Army Staff Sgt. Nino D. Livaudais, 23, Ogden, Utah, combat
Army Staff Sgt. Robert A. Stever, 36, Pendleton, Ore., combat
Marine 1st Lt. Brian M. McPhillips, 25, Pembroke, Mass., combat
Marine 1st Sgt. Edward Smith, 38, Vista., Calif., combat
Marine 2nd Lt. Frederick E. Pokorney Jr., 31, Tonopah, Nev., combat
Marine 2nd Lt. Therrel S. Childers, 30, Harrison County, Miss., combat
Marine Capt. Aaron J. Contreras, 31, Sherwood, Oregon, helicopter crash
Marine Capt. Benjamin Sammi, 29, Rehoboth, Mass., helicopter crash
Marine Capt. Ryan Anthony Beaupre, 30, St. Anne, Ill., helicopter crash
Marine Capt. Travis Ford, 30, Oceanside, Calif., helicopter crash
Marine Cpl. Armando Ariel Gonzalez, 25, of Hialeah, Fla., vehicle accident
Marine Cpl. Bernard G. Gooden, 22, Mount Vernon, N.Y., combat
Marine Cpl. Brian Matthew Kennedy, 25, Houston, helicopter crash
Marine Cpl. Erik H. Silva, 22, Chula Vista, Calif., combat
Marine Cpl. Evan James, 20, La Harpe, Ill., drowned in canal
Marine Cpl. Jesus A. Gonzalez, 22, Indio, Calif., combat
Marine Cpl. Jesus Martin Antonio Medellin, 21, Fort Worth, Texas, combat
Marine Cpl. Jorge A. Gonzalez, 20, Los Angeles, combat
Marine Cpl. Jose A. Garibay, 21, Costa Mesa, Calif., combat
Marine Cpl. Mark A. Evnin, 21, South Burlington, Vt., combat
Marine Cpl. Randal Kent Rosacker, 21, San Diego, combat
Marine Cpl. Robert M. Rodriguez, 21, New York, combat
Marine Gunnery Sgt. Jeff Bohr, 39, San Clemente, Calif., combat
Marine Gunnery Sgt. Joseph Menusa, 33, Tracy, Calif., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Andrew Julian Aviles, 18, Palm Beach, Fla., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Brian E. Anderson, 26, Durham, N.C., non-hostile accident
Marine Lance Cpl. Brian Rory Buesing, 20, Cedar Key, Fla., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. David K. Fribley, 26, Fort Myers, Fla., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Donald John Cline, 21, Sparks, Nevada, combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Eric J. Orlowski, 26, Buffalo, N.Y., machine gun accident
Marine Lance Cpl. Jesus A. Suarez Del Solar, 20, Escondido, Calif., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Jose Gutierrez, 28, Los Angeles, combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Joseph B. Maglione, 22, Lansdale, Pa., weapons accident
Marine Lance Cpl. Michael J. Williams, 31, Yuma, Arizona, combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Patrick R. Nixon, 21, Gallatin, Tenn., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Patrick T. O'Day, 20, Santa Rosa, Calif., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Thomas A. Blair, 24, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, combat
Marine Lance Cpl. Thomas J. Slocum, 22, Thornton, Colo., combat
Marine Lance Cpl. William W. White, 24, New York, vehicle accident
Marine Maj. Jay Thomas Aubin, 36, Waterville, Maine, helicopter crash
Marine Maj. Kevin G. Nave, 36, White Lake Township, Mich., vehicle accident
Marine Pfc. Chad E. Bales, 20, Coahoma, Texas, non-hostile accident
Marine Pfc. Christian D. Gurtner, 19, Ohio City, Ohio, weapons accident
Marine Pfc. Francisco A. Martinez Flores, 21, Los Angeles, combat]
Marine Pfc. Juan Guadalupe Garza, 20, Temperance, Mich., combat
Marine Pfc. Tamario D. Burkett, 21, Buffalo, N.Y., combat
Marine Pvt. Jonathan L. Gifford, 30, Decatur, Ill., combat
Marine Pvt.Nolen R. Hutchings, 19, Boiling Springs, S.C., combat
Marine Sgt. Bradley S. Korthaus, 29, Davenport, Iowa, drowned in canal
Marine Sgt. .Brendon Reiss, 23, Casper, Wyoming., combat
Marine Sgt. Brian McGinnis, 23, St. Georges, Del., helicopter crash
Marine Sgt. Duane R. Rios, 25, Hammond, Indiana, combat.
Marine Sgt. Fernando Padilla-Ramirez, 26, San Luis, Ariz., combat
Marine Sgt. Michael E. Bitz, 31, Ventura, California, combat
Marine Sgt. Michael V. Lalush, 23, Troutville, Va., helicopter crash
Marine Sgt. Nicolas M. Hodson, 22, Smithville, Mo., vehicle accident
Marine Staff Sgt. Donald C. May, Jr., 31, Richmond, Virginia, combat
Marine Staff Sgt. James Cawley, 41, Layton, Utah, combat
Marine Staff Sgt. Kendall Damon Waters-Bey, 29, Baltimore, Maryland, helicopter crash]
Marine Staff Sgt. Phillip A. Jordan, 42, Enfield, Conneticut, combat]
Marine Staff Sgt. Riayan A. Tejeda, 26, New York, New York, combat]
Navy Corpsman Michael Vann Johnson Jr., 25, Little Rock, Arkansas, combat]
Navy Lt. Nathan D. White, 30, Mesariz., F/A-18C Hornet lost over Iraq]
Navy Lt. Thomas Mullen Adams, 27, La Mesa, California, helicopter collision]

--Thanks to Lt. Smash and CNN for these