Dream Log: February 3, 2001

badda bing|badda boom

The night I shot John Lithgow

I was a gangster in Tony Soprano's crew. A guy called Reggie had went for early retirement and we were having a big get together in his remembrance. Tony had exploded into a rage because me and my two boys hadn't stood up when he toasted "Reggie". I explained to Pussy that we didn't 'cause we weren't near the "big" table and thought we weren't invited to join in. So after a quick word in Tony's ear, Pussy gave us a wink and beckoned us to move towards the table. This time we stood.

The scene switches and I am by myself in front of a nondescript night sky blue sports car dressed up in an evening tuxedo. On the bonnet was a load of papers and lotsa money in envelopes. Apparently there had been a really big wedding and Paulie had assigned me to the task of protecting the money until someone came back to collect it. Paulie told me to protect it at all costs even if that meant with my life.

There was a guy who drove past but the moment I moved towards his car he sped off. Then after what seemed to be hours Tony's dodgy lawyer (John Lithgow) drove up. He was acting (no pun intended) very suspiciously and kept looking at the money. John explained that Tony had sent him to collect the money, I knew this was bullshit and thought to myself, "Yeah right, who sends a lawyer to collect money?"

As John lunged at the money I reach into my tux and shouted at him, "Back away from the money Mr. Lithgow!" He ignored me and continued to grab at the money. I pulled out my glock and pointed it into the back of his head and snarled, "John, don't dick around with me put the fucking money back!". He starts to reach for his inside pocket which aggravates me even more so I shoved the nuzzle of the pistol further into the back of his head. "Put your fucking hands up! Now! Now! Motherfucker!"

Still he doesn't utter a single word, this was it, one of us was gonna die. He sprang back and pulled out his little pea shooter it was one of those three or four barrelled jobbies. He fired two shots but missed. Then what seems to be re-occurring theme with any of my dreams which involving me having to shoot people, I fumbled with my pistol. Eventually I regained my composure and shoot a bullet straight into the chamber of the gun thereby destroying it. The next bullet hit John straight in the heart.

I did my job. I woke up.

mcc and wuukiee came to visit last night (see todays daylog) and this morning I dreamt that I drunkenmonkey, illumina, and I were walking around Brookline; just talking, walking, and trying to decide on a place to go for breakfast. The sun had made it over the tops of the buildings not to long before. I thought of mcc and wuukiee in bed together and wanted to call them and have them come eat with us but I figured it would be better for them to have the time alone in each others arms. That is why they weren't with us already. I said something to drunkenmonkey and illumina, dm turned to listen and illumina, who was a ways ahead of us on the road, spun on his rollerblades...

The first dream faded and the second began:
We had opened my couch into a bed, and I was lying on my right side facing the wall. wuukiee was spooned behind me and I was spooned behind mcc. We were sleepy, and cozy, and snuggled in a bun. I think we all may have been naked but I can only be sure of mcc because we decided to get up and go get breakfast and I remember mcc going through the doorway to the bedroom, then poking his top half out to look at me and say something smiley. It was then I noticed he wasn't wearing anything.

~ Lazing on the sun warmed cement, a kite with parrafin wings flying north across the early summer night . Three tails with colored stars strung along behind. Beautiful I thought. Are the tails my family .... the trinity and why am I headed north I wonder.

~ My oldest son was drinking hot raspberry tea and didn't know it. We decided not to tell him because we knew it would upset him.

~ No one at vocational rehab is really there to help me.

~I pulled up the attic floorboards. It smelled like glazed epiphanies of crystalline oranges.

~ Talking to the actress from the TV show Georgia.

~ The stewardess gave me two rolls of toilet paper and laughed in my face. Then she flipped open the page of a magazine to show me the ugly man with two heads. She did it deliberately to hurt my feelings.

A strange couple of dreams in one night, a strange set indeed. The first one may or may not have been indirectly prompted by Dai-un's passing. The second one is just absolute randomness with people acting quite irrationally for no particular reason, as far as I can divine.

• I was at home in Portland, in the kitchen. It was morning, and probably springtime, as the light in the kitchen was very bright. There were two cat-like beings hopping around the kitchen. I soon realized, sort of "remembered", that these had been my cat Ruffy, who, in the dream, for some reason had to be cut in half because of his kidney failure. Each catlet was whole and round like a cat, and had the same markings as Ruffy, but they had very strange faces—I think only one eye each—and each only had two legs, one in front and one in back. So, each of the half-kitties has to hop around the kitchen, rather than walking. My aunt Gretchen is sitting at the kitchen table, mystified. I explain what's happened to her. One of the half-cats goes outside.

• I'm somewhere out in the West Hills in a car with my beloved Kelly, my mother, and family friend Geoff. Kelly is talking about money problems, and basically says that she only has enough left to eat for a couple more weeks. She gets upset and goes home, which in the dream is a house on a dead-end street just a half mile or so away from where we are then in the hills. She's running, and for some reason we're chasing her, in the car. I say that there's no way we can catch her in the car, that we should be on foot as well. Indeed, she runs into an alley and climbs onto the roof of a building. We've lost her.

  We start driving towards the freeway, and Geoff's at the wheel. We get close to the street where Kelly lives, and I ask Geoff to let me out there so I can go talk to her. He doesn't stop. He keeps on driving. When we get to the freeway, I ask him to let me out so I can hitchhike back there, maybe a mile away. He doesn't stop, instead he gets on the freeway, westbound. He starts driving really fast, swerving like a madman. He says, "This is how they drive in Chile!" We get farther out into the suburbs, perhaps beyond, but somehow I have vague memories of seeing then a large city, perhaps coastal.

C'est tout.

At home, in the kitchen. Suzanne was there. I go to the desk and pick up a copy of Lolita to look for a passage. Someone (John or Christine) mentions, "that's a different version." I look at the cover and see a picture of Humbert's unrealized plan to drown Charlotte.

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In the dining room, trying to explain reflexivity in the Odyssey to my Mom. Used some single-letter abbreviations that I still don't understand.

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Matronly figure (a la the grandma from Pay It Forward) betraying her clan. I followed her into the floating zombie castle, and tracked her through the dark hallways, being watched by many eyes.

She led me right into a trap -- with a bit of clever wordplay to emphasize my predicament, no less. So there I am in a room fighting some boss zombie with a goatee when I wake up, but not for long.

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Playing a strategy game (Starcraft battles, Alpha Centauri building, with former-colored spaceships that give you money, and really awesome ground-to-air towers) with John, against the computer, which was red. I built a base on a small island at the left of the map, was almost ready to attack when John says, "well that about wraps it up for the computer."

I'm convinced that I've been playing Realms of Despair for way too long. Even though I haven't played it for months since reaching lvl 7 playing for almost 24 hours straight (my character is deleted by now), I had a dream last night in which I moved like I was in a MUD. I would think, "North" and I would go north into the next area. I remember getting frustrated because there was an open door in front of me, but because of some stupid coder, I couldn't go through because it wasn't labled as an exit.

There were three dreams this night...after the first, I woke up and thought, "I must node this" But it has been since lost to the world of semi-consciousness. The final two follow.

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I was living in a mansion on the coast. It was situated in a nice alcove where we had lots of privacy and a small private beach. The mansion itself was on a cliff some fifteen feet above the waterline for safety. There was a stair case that led down to the beach. I lived there with many other people, but the important one to the dream was a man named Marcus. He had a girlfriend named Denise that did not live there, but she stayed over a lot.

At the commencement of the dream, I was walking from the house to the beach with Marcus. I looked up in the sky and saw two flying saucers that were headed toward our beach. They were almost exact, but 3-D, replicas of the flying saucers that I doodle during class. Marcus said "oh no, those things usually carry pirates." I continued to look at the spaceships a little alarmed, but thought they would not land here. But they did! One of them stopped over our beach and a black man came out, waded through the water, and said to us, "AARRRGGGGHHH!"

Marcus and I looked at the man, puzzled.

He repeated, "AAARRRRGGHHH!"

I asked him if he was a pirate. He said, "No. We are on our way to give a show and we would like to rehearse on your beach."

We were stunned then, we didn't know who this man was or what he was going to rehearse, so of course we gave our permission. The second spaceship came down to the water and about twenty children poured out and got in formation in the shallow part of the water. Some music began and the kids started singing and dancing - on top of the water! I remember asking Marcus, "How did they do that?" and he couldn't tell me. He was just staring, amazed.

During this performance, Denise had come down to the beach and she was watching Marcus, looking angrier and angrier as it went on. Finally, she said nothing, turned on her heels and stormed back to the house.

I followed her and asked what was wrong.

"If Marcus likes that man so much, he can just go with him! I saw the way that he was looking at him. I knew he was gay from the very beginning."

I went back to the beach and related this to Marcus. He smiled and told me that maybe he would, and yes, he was gay. Later on, Marcus got a video of the presentation and it was strange - when we watched it, we could no longer see any water, just a trampoline on which the children were singing and dancing.

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Then I had a dream that I was the lone female in a band of misfit superheroes. They were trying to fight the bad guy by shooting him with a gun filled with creamed corn. I thought that this was ridiculous, and I was embarrassed for them, but as much as I tried, I could not stop them from increasing their stash of creamed corn. They hid it behind the Coke machine.

Finally, the final battle ensued and I vowed to stay out of it. I watched from the sideline as the enemy was bombarded with creamed corn, and he easily overtook my moronic counterparts. They surrendered and the bad guy's girlfriend decided that she no longer wanted the bad guy, but wanted his sidekick instead. However, he was not a human, he was a fox, and she took lots of ribbing from both the good guys that had lost and the bad guy that she had dumped. They made fun of her for being a fox-lover and a general pervert. I was amused at the whole debacle. Finally, the bad guy's ex-girlfriend and the fox left together, the misfit superheroes went back home in shame, and I left with the bad guy.

When I woke up from this dream, I was paralyzed from remembering a particularly disturbing scene from it. This is unusual for me because generally I don't remember dreams this vividly, if at all. . .

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The dream is mostly in shades of blue. There were a few people in it and I could make out the color of their eyes. The rest of them seemed to fade into the dream.

I was walking down my old street by the house that I grew up in. I lived in a culdesac, and if you went right at the end of it you were on a long road. In about the middle was this open space followed by thick trees. I start walking into the space and after awhile I'm standing before an abandoned graveyard. There actually is one there. I remember going there with the neighborhood kids when we stayed out past sundown. But I digress...

There's a fence around it that's rusted and bent in where the kids have jumped on it. The place is unkempt, everything is overgrown to where you can only see the tops of the tombstones. I start pulling out the weeds from around a few tombstones of a family. I flatten the grass to where you can see the whole thing. I do this to a few of them and then when i get to a certain one I hear a baby crying. I start frantically pulling grass and digging through the dirt with my hands until I feel something pulling my arms from behind me, I can't turn around and I try to scream but nothing comes out. I'm stuck there wanting to help this baby and being dragged away. I start struggling and kicking and "un"-screaming until whatever's behind me lets go, and the baby slowly stops crying until there is silence. I fall to my knees and just start sobbing until I can barely breathe. Then I look in front of me and there's this "man" kneeling at the baby's grave. He looks up at me with his eyes closed, then he reaches out to grab me and I get a glimpse of his red eyes before I wake up.

Needless to say, I was a bit disturbed.