Findings:

• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• My father never made promises he could not keep. My father never promised anything.
• Amakuni once drew an old sword of his from a box, suddenly overjoyed by something he had cast aside.
• He said 'tentacle porn', so I stuck my dick in a toaster and went from there
• He was there, and then he wasn't, and with him went those memories
• I wish when I closed a book I could set it on the shelf and know it was really over
• Donald Duck was banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants
• How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
• So there I was, naked and hiding, facing the dissertation committee from the Isle of Lesbos
• That's Just How He Was
• How my Father was excommunicated from the LDS Church
• My crush asked if he could kiss me
• Loudly speaking English in a French accent won't help the locals understand you
• I used to think of sobriety as a purgatory, and that to be under the influence of drugs was relief from it. Now that I'm older I believe the opposite to be true.
• He's a feminist. He tells that to all his mistresses.
• She grew a little older, while he was telling her
• Years from now I can tell the story of it
• English History: From Augustine to Offa
• I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
• Would you tell me if it was true?
• He was a man stuck between the objective and the subjective
• English accent
• if only he could hear my silent cries
• Finding the origin of a Hotmail message
• I was less than one hundred footsteps away from you I suppose
• A thousand years from now, we should have coffee and tell stories while the world disintegrates
• Telling real pearls from fake ones
• Nothing you could drink from
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• I don't know what he was listening for, but he wasn't listening
• He was confirming to himself that they were laughing with him after all
• The Marlboro Man died of cancer, but he wasn't a rocket scientist when he was healthy, ha ha ha.
• It was 1992. He smiled.
• He wasn't programmed to be a tenor, he was programmed to be a physician!
• Tell me a story about taking whatever you could get
• he was a punk poet himself
• She didn't write like Emily Dickinson, but she did live in a house overlooking a cemetery, and I guess he thought that was important.
• I'll tell you what kind of guy I was
• he was alive, and some of the other people, they were carbon copies
• The class valedictorian was still tripping balls when he was bailed out in time to give the commencement speech at graduation
• I'm scared to death of what havoc he could wreak in my life
• The Trial: Andrew Johnson was not guilty of the crimes for which he was impeached.
• I told her I could read her mind, but she didn't believe me. I could tell.
• English History: From Harold I to Harold II
• English History: From Edward the Elder to Edgar
• Fifty works of English Literature we could do without
• You can tell a lot about a person from their e-mail address
• Which God was cooler, the one from the Old Testament or the one from the New Testament?
• How to tell if a guy is circumcised from across the bar
• There once was a man from St. Paul
• His memory perishes from the earth, and he has no name in the street.
• He learned to dance from emus but he learned to love from seraphim
• It was daylight when you looked up from your ditch
• Removed from humanity, I realized I was just another distraction
• Could you be any more of a poseur? 'Changes' was a best-of!
• The promise of life. This he stole from himself as well.
• he looks hurt from behind that eye patch, the choker, the bare chest
• "He was a terrible man," she sobbed, between bites of alimony
• At least he was gentle
• It was late when he came home; it woke you up
• Here's Me Inside Her But I Can Tell From Her Vagina She Doesn't Really Care
• In the Fifties, a visitor from Great Britain to New York City notices a young Black woman driving a limousine. A portly middle-aged man, race undetermined, is in the back. Tell her story.
• The "He can't tell the difference" beer commercial
• He stretched out his arms but she was not there
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• Nothing could be further from the truth
• All he left her was alone
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• The Abridged Edition: She was to one side, he was to the other, an untested bridge between them
• He dreamt he was a bulldozer, she dreamt she was alone in an empty bed
• She was most amazed by the obvious, like January and the fact that I could not possibly keep her.
• He was found
• She moved so easily all I could think of was sunlight
• making certain he was touching her
• He Was Only Joking
• He was hard in all the wrong places
• I had to call my father this evening and tell him I was dying.
• Jesus said, "I love him, for he is my brother." He was talking about everyone.
• The one thing I wanted more than anything was for someone, just once, to tell me they don't know what they'd do without me
• Why would he want a writer when he could have a dancer?
• I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy
• It was all I could do not to cry
• He was like the bottle of Champagne Krug
• It was the least I could do
• What could you possibly tell Hostess?
• I could do without it, if I knew what it was
• And then night was here, after a day of measured breathing, and I could forget about breathing because the waiting was done
• She was coming out as he was going in.
• I could tell by all of her dead house plants
• You could distinguish Miles from Coltrane.
• If the King's English was good enough for Jesus
• Beings from space: What could they want?
• The stories I could tell you, if you only were here to hear
• In the end, he could quiet his mind only by dying
• I sealed up my future where he could not get it.
• She probably thought your first language was English; your real first language was Joyce
• Bands Who Take Their Names from Eighteenth-century English Poetry and Prose
• English History: From Aethelred to Canute
• English words from Latin numbers
• The elephant that wished he could fly
• I could tell you some stories
• unfortunately, his entire corpus was composed in English, and so has been lost to the ravages of time
• How I was thrown from a car at 45 mph
• The English curriculum from the perspective of a middle school student
• He would shrink into the sky if he could
• 'twas the telltale tink-tock of marionettes, he felt certain, that jingle-jangled from behind her shower curtain
• I tiptoe back into myself so I can run from what I was
• She always was all tea and oranges that came all the way from China
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• The time a thug punched my friend in the face because he could
• Where the water for the flood could have come from
• You thought the silent treatment was as cold as it could get
• The trail of its demise was visible from the surf.
• Fruit cut from the vine, forgot and left to rot, long before it was time
• how to tell a brachiopod shell from a bivalve mollusk shell
• I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
• collecting on old debts from when mom was a loan shark
• This book was stolen from the Harvard College Library. It was later recovered. The thief was sentenced to two years at hard labor.
• try to memorize this moment so that years from now I can tell the story of it
• I was shaking, but not from the cold
• Then again, maybe he was recruiting for a cult
• Shaymus is older than I thought he was
• i can't tell car accidents from car on-purposes
• As I looked back, he was reveling in his own feces
• In a quiet grove of pines under a frosty sky, he helped her out of the sack. She wore severe white hospital pajamas and was beautiful.
• The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist
• More than he was willing to give
• born under candlelight just from the edge of a knife, was it a life? or was it a light at all?
• what he carried from here to Okinawa
• Mr. Lunch liked to chase birds. In fact, he was a professional.
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• Tom, He was a Piper's Son
• He Was a Crook
• An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her
• It was a pauper's laugh. It was what I could afford.
• I married him because he was not mean
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free.
• Wheresoever he went, there was Eden
• She had become a mutton for punishment and he was a wolf
• He was born with the gift of logic but the inability to use it
• Tomorrow, he must tell her that he doesn't love her anymore.
• He was the kind of man who shacked up for shelter
• He thinks a path and travels the emptiness that was there
• All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
• all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
• You, born of the water, could you ever live far from the sea?
• some say he was never here at all
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• I knew enough about him to know his name and what kind of snowball he could make
• When I was 21, he was building a Time Machine
• Once there was a bug in a hole that he dug
• He was an ant on an ill-defined mission. She was the trapdoor spider of love.
• The girl didn't know if she was loved until he said yes.
• he listened so well, he was still curious.
• I'd like it here if I could leave and see you from a long way away
• Your accent is so cool
• Brummie Accent
• The origins of the American accent
• Minnesotan accent
• Rules for Spanish accents
• Fake gaijin accent
• Excuse me, could you explain again why you suck?
• If voting changed anything, they would make it illegal
• If not voting could change the system it would be illegal
• The best kind of bartender
• I wish I could invent shit
• I'm so toasty, you could spread jam on me
• If you could read my mind
• I Was the Loner of Paradise Valley
• The girl who could cry flowers (a parable)
• Could I Have Been?
• How one man could control the Senate
• I could sleep now
• My preconceived view of perfection could not accommodate her.
• Wouldn't it be nice if I could remember her as a firework
• Wouldn't it be nice if I could remember her
• A remembrance day I wish I could forget
• Nothing could be close to quite like this
• we could get lost in the fall
• I wish you could have met me before I became food

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