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undefined reference to 'atexit'

I hate Linux.

"Hmm, that error message again", my brain contributed. "It's caused by a bug in gcc that makes it compile binaries with errors in them. I've patched it but I haven't recompiled all the broken binaries that it has made before that. Let's see what caused the error? An openssl binary. OK."

root:/usr/src# cd open (Tab)
root:/usr/src/openssl-0.9.6b# ./configure && make && make install
root:/usr/src/openssl-0.9.6b# cd../vorbis-tools-1.0rc3
root:/usr/src/vorbis-tools-1.0rc3# ./configure
undefined reference to 'atexit'


/root:/usr/src/vorbis-tools-1.0rc3# cat config.log

"Oh, wait, where did that openssl install go to? Damn, I forgot to put in --prefix=/usr, so the whole thing got installed to /usr/local/ssl instead of /usr"

# cd /usr/local/ssl
# ls

"Oh well let's just get rid of it."

root:/usr/local/ssl# cd ..
root:/usr/local# rm * -rf

"Oh shit...!!!"

My annual new year's eve party went well as always. It was definitely more crowded now that word has gotten around that there’s always my house to go to on the north side of town when you’re out by the lake and sick of driving in the snow. Everyone stayed til about six, then several took off for their own beds while a few remained behind to warm my couches and the floor for a couple hours. Despite being ill, I had a great time.

The day started with me getting up at eight in the morning to go to work. When I awoke, I noticed I couldn’t breathe. I found this to be alarming and immediately ran to the nearest bathroom in search of a remedy. I took some nice southing cough syrup, which helped a little. Being the stubborn fool that I am, I still went into work despite not being anywhere near healthy. After several hours I just put my head down on the counter by the register and closed my eyes, the store spinning wildly around me. My manager sent me home, despite being busier than usual and only have three people on the clock. When I left, there were only two. I hope everything went well.

I got home around two thirty and watched tv for a few minutes waiting for a Sudafed to kick in. It didn’t appear to be working, so I abandoned the world of the living in hopes that sleep would cure me. I woke up around six to the sound of subwoofers pounding in my ears (and head). Someone was watching a movie in the family room with the surround sound on. I got out of bed and cleaned up, got dressed, and watched a little of As Good As it Gets until I heard unusual voices coming from upstairs. My brother had six or seven kids over sitting around the kitchen counter drinking Pepsi and Captain Morgan. Amateurs. My parents had left earlier to go out to dinner with their double date partners, Ron and Deb.

More people kept showing up for my brother, including several girls I had known in high school. We hung out for a while, they borrowed a water bottle, we played with flashing lights and drank pineapple orange juice from sea mist colored Manchester double-old-fashioned glasses, which I had bought for my mother last year for Christmas. We reminisced and then they left to go do their thing. I remained in the kitchen area supervising the underage drinking that was being carried out beneath my nose. After they had finished several beers and a fifth between them, they decided it was time to drive to Hamilton. I took my brother’s keys and said No fucking way.” That didn’t go over so well, but eventually they let someone else drive.

People started showing up around eight thirty for my par-tay. The first to arrive were little Mary and several of her friends who I had never met before. They were very nice girls. We hung out around the dining room table until more people arrived, and then we moved downstairs where there was more space to lounge and whatnot. The Game Cube was brought out and suddenly there was a massive Super Smash Brothers tournament underway. I returned upstairs to leave notes on the doors for everyone else who stopped by to just walk in and go down the stairs to their right. Soon there were dozens of people swarming through the house, eating cheese and crackers, carrots and celery, tickling each other on the floor and, of course, the ever-present video games. We watched the ball drop on tv, and then things calmed down somewhat. There was much Euchre playing and Scategories, Egyptian Ratscrew and Monopoly followed by Rush 2 on N64. We were entertained by my silly American Bulldog jumping at the light fixture on the ceiling, which he will never reach despite his enthusiasm. Gus (the doggie) later fell in love with Dennis, Stacy’s boyfriend, and refused to leave his side. The infatuation might have had something to do with Dennis’s location, which was within reach of a tray of ham and summer sausage.

During the final bout of Monopoly, there only remained six guests plus myself. Then everyone fell asleep, Meagan on the floor in my room, everyone else out on the couches and the floor in the family room.

I woke up around eleven thirty this morning to discover everyone who had stayed the night had left for work or various other reasons already, except for Meagan, who was face down on the floor in my room, unmoving and wrapped in half a dozen blankets plus a sleeping bag I had dug out of the closet for her. We ate pancakes and hashed browns for breakfast, then played a round of fifteen games of Bust a Move on N64. I never realized how old that system was getting until last night and this morning, when we had to unplug the controllers after every round because they would take on minds of their own and begin to move in ways we did not want them to. Once we plugged them back in, they would work beautifully for ten minutes or so, and then need to be reset again. I think they have taken more than their share of beatings for one lifetime and may need to be retired soon.

The rest of today was dedicated to a lengthy nap in hopes of having my health return. It didn’t work. Here I am, full of NyQuil and several little while pills, a few more oval pills with blue writing on them, and a large glass of water and an ever bigger box of tissues by my side. If I am not well by tomorrow morning, my cold will wish it had never found its way into my lungs. Beware!

Year Log for 2002

True life lies in laughter, love, and work
~Elbert Hubbard~

Sage counsel from The Book of Chras

Make this year the creme de la creme

Pay a debt, cut up a credit card

Encourage a youngster

Compliment often

Learn to accept compliments with grace

Forgive transgressions, forgive yourself

View an issue from all perspectives

Keep promises made

Make no promise you can not keep

When in doubt, choose wings not shoes

Shift the weight when burdens become heavy

remain optimistic when things look their worst. Never give up

Laugh at the silly stuff

Protest apathy

Call a friend for no reason what-so-ever

Turn off the news, put away the paper when announcements become too grim to bear. You cannot solve humanity's woes on your own. Do not let them eat you up.

Give to charity, even if you can only muster up the change in your pocket. That is something you CAN do.

On rainy days, avoid listening to sad lonely songs about lovers leaving and dogs dying. Those are the days you need upbeat music instead.

Dance in the rain

Spin around with your arms wide and your tongue out ready to catch snowflakes during a snowfall

Make snow angels - several

Jump in more leaves, blow more bubbles, start more pillow fights

Delight in more sunrises, revel in more sunsets, raise your face to the warmth of the sun

Savor fresh tastes

Breathe in new scents

See in a different light

Listen to a variety of music

Reach out and touch someone, this is important

Take care of yourself first - physically, emotionally, intellectually

Take time for yourself, be kind to yourself, be proud of yourself

Say "I love you". Say it persistently to those you love.

Hold someone's hand

Blow someone a kiss, just 'cause

Do not rush life, allow it to unfold before you

Have that second or third mug of light and sweet Hazelnut coffee. Just make sure that it's decaf after 3:00

Play, recreate, frolic, cavort - this is imperative

Brush your hair and your teeth before leaving the house - always. NO- hats and dentyne do not cut it.

Appreciate the minute and the subtle

Smile warmly, kiss passionately, embrace tightly

Walk barefoot in the sand, in the grass, in the snow

FEEL, I mean really open up and allow yourself the luxury of feeling

Tap your creativity anyway you can

Have faith in something

Tell yourself you are beautiful because you ARE

Learn to accept the vicissitudes of life for it is not linear. Flow with it.

Do what you love - love what you do. If you don't, it is time to move on. You spend one third of your day at work. One third of a day unhappy is no way to live.

surround yourself with things you love

Sparkle softly

Share yourself. It is the best gift to give

Hold open a door for someone

Say please and thankyou

Write from your heart

Add a new word to your vocabulary (like evanescent or pulchritude or verisimilitude) each week. And never stop learning

Do not rely on spell check because, quite frankly, it stinks

Do not be afraid to take a chance. Hold your breath and jump

Enjoy life. Just do it!

Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage: it can be delightful.
~George Bernard Shaw~

Note: Some of the above I have learned within the past year. It does not matter which, they've become assimilated into the book.

Today, hm. Nothing different about today really. I think I'm depressed, I'm not sure. I just think way too much about things that I shouldn't even have to think about. But I'm not depressed. I'm actually happy. My best friend is in love which is great. I loved hearing the words that she said, it was so great because it sounded so different. It was something I have never heard her say before, well I might've, but it was different, she sounded different. It was definetely genuine and I can't be any happier for her!

It's cool to know when someone is really happy. When they're not faking it, or trying to be. I have been watching way too many Aimee and Jaguar and I guess that's what's affecting my mood because I keep reflecting on them. And at the same time I'm writing my story and at the moment I'm writing emotional breakdowns, frustrations, angst, depression scenes. It's making me into an utter retard.

I guess another factor must be because I have to go back to school on the 3rd of Jan. And it's just really too soon. I don't even feel like I had a vacation, that I've had a time to rest at all. I get up each day feeling so tired, unrefreshed and I just want to go back to bed but I can't. And of course I have to work everyday after school split shifts for the first week of January. I did accept it when they asked me to so it is partial my own fault so I can't complain. I just thought I would have energy at the end of the vacation and be up for all this but I guess I'm not. I just don't want to be with the people I work with, I think I felt annoyed with them before vacation that's why. I'm just a horrible person. And I should stop my venting so yeah.

Okay... apparently I have a date Friday. A date is a wholesome, olive-shaped fruit... Thanks Webster 1913. So if I'm not back by the end of the weekend, I've been abducted by vampires.

I tried calling the other guy again, the phone says "the number you have dialed (recites number) is being checked for trouble." Thanks to the power of the Internet I discover this means he probably didn't pay his bill. (Last time I was there, he said it would be arriving late, and tried to pay over the phone.. guess that didn't happen.)

Tonight at work my supervisor brought in a new but not improved schedule for job duties. It was clearly written by someone who hasn't worked on the line, and I'm sure it was engineered by her. (Yes, I don't like her at all.)

And I come home, there's only three slices of bread in the house... so I throw tons of extra cheese on my sandwich to make up for it, and also polish off the brownies that are hanging around the fridge. Hoohoo.

Also, everyone jokes about my penis size on AOL. Mercy me.

Again a new year, but no resolution

   I'm not sure if I'm content or heartbroken right now. I'm not sure if I'm secure, or stagnant. Time is flying by, and I'm staying static. I have my routine, I have my friends, but we are all getting older. Should I bite the bullet, and "grow up", or should I wait for it to happen on it's own?

   With another year to think about it, we'll see if anything comes of it. Nothing may, and I may again find myself asking the same question as January begins (as I did last year). I'm awaiting the moment of clarity where my youth becomes an Atomic Event (not like a nuclear bomb, read the writeup), and I can know what it means and grok it in it's fullness.

I, like so many, apparently, have found no moment of clarity to speak of, have no resolutions (other than to do what I have to do to get by), and have been a little under the weather.

The last portion of this is probably due to the fact that I passed out for two hours in the backyard of my friend's house on New Year's with a bottle in my hand and a cigarette in my mouth in 25 degree weather (sigh).

Moment of clarity? What's that? I don't know if they exist for ludicrously cynical, sexually hyperactive, alcoholic 20-year old art students. I'm not holding my breath.

Resolutions? I've gotten to the point where I'm not resolved enough to do anything to put a promise into words, even one to myself. I accept my confusion with open and awaiting arms... for now.

So, no shit, there I was....

hoping madly that i would get anything that i asked for this year...but no. it was simply not to be. the significant gift this past year was *drumroll* two packages each of six kinds of oil of olay facewash. how the hell much soap does a person go through in a year? i know i only get through two medium sized bottles of dr. bronner's peppermint. i suddenly have enough soap for the next five years. got a nice blanket, tho. and i got to see lord of the rings, which was, ov course, fantastic.

however, on the bright side, i threw a fabulous party that lasted some...18 hours...the last of the people who were not sleeping in my recliner left at 09:00 the following day. (now, aren't you all sorry you missed it?) i finally got to see andy warhol's frankenstein, i learned that zombie movies are the perfect thing to show at parties, and i learned exactly how bad the live action la blue girl is. *shudder* on an even brighter note than that, recieved all the books necessary to run a campaign of underground, and i'll be running it online very soon.

new year's, sadly was a bust. not all bad, mind you, but ...you know...not really quality. we all sat around at gilbert's place and watched the princess diary and drank too much. discovered some good wines...

f*ck this. 2001 was a godawful year, and i am damned glad it's over. things have to get better from here. things can only get better from here.

6 days, 2 road trips, one gathering and 1715.0 miles later, i'm back in Atlanta, a bit sad and missing you. We're both quiet on IM tonight, the side effect of the past four days in very close quarters, and we both need time to decompress. The snow is falling in big, wet, puffy flakes, the most snow i've seen since the blizzard of 1993. It makes me want to still be there with you or to have you here, but some time apart will do us both good.

i'm the only one in the fort tonight and it's eerily quiet and a balmy 55 degrees inside without the heat on. The fishtank filter gurgles over near my bed. i didn't really feel like listening to music, but i put on some Milt Jackson very quietly as i watched the steam dance on top of my cup of Earl Grey tea as it steeped.

The snow was just too beautiful to pass up, so i strapped on my boots and went out for a walk, camera slung over my shoulder. i tromped the 3 blocks up to the State Capitol building via the scenic route, leaving a wandering trail of size 14 footprints from my combat boots. As i stood in the four inches of accumulated snow and looked up at the statues, awash in the orangy glow of the sodium-vapor lights and blanketed with snow, i wondered if anyone else had thought to come out and see this rakish scene. The lack of other footprints and the Capitol Police driving by slowly and gawking at me let me know that i was the only one dumb enough to be out in the snow.

It's been a good beginning to the new year, something i hope will continue. The falling snow is still beckoning me. i'm going to go out and walk in it, barefoot, and think about the woman i'm in love with, life, the future, school, work, what makes me go on day to day and how it all fits together. It's starting to come together, things falling into place. It's amazing how some things just feel right, fit nicely and help the rest of my life start to come together into a cohesive whole. And it's all because of you. Thank you, for everything.

We took down the Christmas lights today. New Year, no more holiday, snow melting and retreating from driveways, winter already ending, spring already creeping in, a new life, a new perspective, a new future. I cried when I read the National Geographic-- don't read it, there's a story about a dog who gets his neck broken and lives on as a parapalegic and his faithful owner who builds him a doggy wheelchair and then takes him to Alaska on a road trip but finally has to put him down because he is in pain from arthritis and before the dog is injected the owner whispers-- but I can't say it, I'll cry again. I'm a sucker for dog stories.

And I received my present from my E2 Secret Santa, a wonderful set of books that I love and adore already. He also sent a riddle, so I have to figure out who he is on wits alone.

The mail comes in, the mail is sorted, packages pulled open and magazines read. An unobtrusive letter falls out-- stamped AIR MAIL in red-- a letter from Oxford University.

A little history: I applied to Oxford in October (an adventure in itself); I flew to New York to interview in November; I waited through December; and today I received a letter. I want, want want to go there. This is my dream. I cannot imagine going anywhere else.

It's thin. Very, very thin. I open it-- hands on the verge of shaking-- and I read it.

I have never been rejected before in my life. Rejection hurts.

A lot.

So I put on a brave face for my parents-- "Think about how hard it would have been to move to England and all that"-- and I rushed out the door when my boyfriend came over, and I didn't start crying until I was almost a mile from my house.

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