Beef stroganoff

Oh, say now; would ya like a little recipe for the kids when they're in a Nazi frame of mind, and you don't have a whole lot of time to get the gas nozzles warmed up?

Well, here ya go, OK?

QUICK GERMAN STROGANOFF:

Get a pound and a half of ground chuck. Cut up an onion and a couple of cloves of garlic. Throw all that in the pan and cook it 'til the evil Jewish demon is (sorry... the meat) is cooked enough.

Drain the grease. (Also extract any gold fillings.)

Now, throw in a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup and a half cup or so of white cooking wine. (Make sure it's not a French surrender whine wine.)

You need to put some salt in there, too. Sea salt is good. (Unless it's salt from that damned beach at Normandy. Guten tag? I'll tag your ass, Yankee!) Add some ground pepper, too.

When this has simmered for an hour or so, add the dairy products. An 8 oz. container of Sour Cream ("sour," damn right we're sour!) and a cup of milk, depending on how "liquid" you wish the dish to be.

Cook some nice noodles. (I prefer the little bow tie ones that remind me of Neville Chamberlain.) Do not overcook!

Serve the stroganoff on top of a bed of noodles, and (I swear to Mein Gott en Himmel) the perfect compliment to this meal is a can of shredded sour kraut.

Genießen.

Ingredients:

• 1 and a half Pounds of rump steak
• 3 Level Tablespoons of Seasoned Flour
• 2 ounces of Butter
• 1 Onion, skinned and thinly sliced
• Salt and pepper
• Half a pound of mushrooms, sliced
• Quarter of a pint of soured cream

Method

1. Beat the Steak and cut it into strips, coat with the flour.
2. Fry in half the butter for 5-7 minutes or until Golden brown.
3. Cook onion and mushrooms in the rest of the butter in a seperate pan for 3-4 minutes and season to taste.
4. Add the beef to the mushrooms and onion, warm the sour cream and stir into the meat.
5. Serve with rice, or potatoes and vegetables.

Brown some hamburger, say half a pound, with a sliced onion. Add a small can of mushrooms (stems & pieces, OK), then add 1/2 t. nutmeg (or just shake the spice jar over it hard...make sure it's got a shaker top though), paprika to taste (start with 1 t, work up to 1 T. or more), and anything that it needs...maybe a bouillon cube. Add 1/2 cup of sour cream (full-fat desired, but King Sour, which isn't even dairy, is good too) cover, and lower heat. Wait 1/2 hour, during which you can be cooking egg noodles or rice. Take cover off. Turn off heat. Add more sour cream, another 1/2 cup, stir hard, and serve over starch. Really good.

Make sure that your spices are fresh for this one; it really does make a difference -- and Hungarian half-sharp paprika (or hot, mixed half-and-half with American flavorless) is better than the Flavorless alone. Another wrinkle is to use leftover onion dip in place of intitial sour cream, or add 1 envelope of Knorr's vegetable soup mix. (This is totally nontraditional, but good.) You can also use shitakes or other kinds of mushrooms in place of, or alongside canned shrooms, in which case it's a Stroganoff Valentina (for psilocybin pioneer Valentina Wasson).